9. THE FEMALE TITAN

                                    

                                          
⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️!!!!!!!!!!!TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️
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"A sound blast?" Eren asked. Levi turned back and finally talked.
"What are your jobs? Do they involve getting overwhelmed by fickle emotions? That shouldn't be the case. Our squad's duty is to keep this brat from getting a single scratch on him. Even if it costs us our lives." I didn't know what expression Eren had when knowing we weren't here just to kill him. He must've been surprised. 
"We'll continue to flee on horse. Got that?" Levi asked them. I didn't speak a word the whole time. Just observed everything.
"Yes Sir!" Petra shouted and shut up.
"Flee?!To where exactly?! Besides it's already right on our tails. Again! Reinforcements! They'll get killed like the others if we don't help!"
"Eren! Face forwards! Don't you remember Captain's orders?" Gunther alerted Eren.
"Gunther-san!" 
"Don't slow down! Keep going full speed!" Eld said in a rather demanding voice.
"Eld san! Why!? If we, the Levi squad, don't stop it, who's going to!?" The sound of the female titan's footsteps never halted, neither did the dreams of our dead comrades. The thoughts that I could save them never went away.
'Why does this keep happening!?' My will power was growing weaker and weaker by the second. It was a plan devised by me and Erwin and I myself didn't have what it took to complete it. I am so pathetic. So many people gave away their lives, completely unaware of why. I felt extremely guilty. That was one of the reasons I didn't look back. I didn't cry though, I wanted to but I didn't. I always cried over the tiniest thing but when it came to big problems and overwhelmed guilt, I just couldn't bring myself to cry. It was such a terrible feeling even tears knew they wouldn't lighten my guilt. I guess that's the reason I decided to lighten my guilt by blood. 
'If I was just dead, I wouldn't feel this immense guilt right? I'll just die and no memory of such a horrid place will remain...but then again, all my nice memory with the people I care about will leave too. I can't have that.' I guess that's what kept me alive. Hange, Erwin, my squad, people who've shown nothing but kindness to me, Kenny and most of all...Levi. Even when I lost all hope of seeing my father, a small spark of hope somewhere...it was a hope of meeting Levi again. Being family with him again, if not as his wife then just be it. I'd be his sister if he so desired. (Incest!)
"Another person died!" 
'It was all because of me! It was my plan that killed them! I am so incompetent! I couldn't save them! I should've thought of a plan where a lesser number of people die! Just no one else die! Please!' I was at a breaking point. Any more and I didn't know if I could take it anymore. I just needed to be with Hange and Erwin who'd make me feel better...I needed to make them feel better, there's no way that Erwin would be any less guilty even though he hides it. There's no way Hange can hide it behind her grin any more. 
'I need you guys...I need you so bad, like you need me!' 
"We might've been able to save him!" I gulped at Eren's statement.
"Violet...don't grow weak right now. You don't need anymore scars." Levi whispered. I turned to face him sombrely. Levi nodded in encouragement and faced forward again.
This was the sweetest thing Levi had done for me after we met again. I exhaled deeply and focused on the task at hand.
'Thank you Levi.'