fifteen.

                                    

                                          
[ lowercase intended. ]
-
mackenzie
if you're wanting to forget about someone who was once a wonderful part of your life, the answer is— 
no, you don't.
you don't try to clean up your mistakes. 
you don't tend to cut the pain out of the bone.
you don't attempt to hide it away from plain view,
or on the other hand conceal it away.
apart from what i've learnt about love, 
i never found out how far it stretched. 
on how to put an end to it, on how to cut ties,
someplace to store love that doesn't belong.
i couldn't measure anything. 
i wasn't sure where the line should be split. 
even the world that has given us the ability to love has no answer.
is there a limit to how much he can be blamed for? 
on what causes the swelling in my eyes? 
or whenever his name was brought up, 
the answer is silence?
love showed me how to love him.
however, it didn't show me how to fail to remember him.
in any case, in nowadays, i presume.
i have mulled over everything.
it perhaps is as of now showing me how to forget him,
& what we had.
letting go of someone you never thought would forever be the person in your life  is hard; 
 sometimes circumstances get in the way. 
 one thing i've learned from this chapter of my life is that despite  everything that's happened, 
 it can hurt, 
 but there is one thing in life that you should be grateful for.
be thankful for the fact that 
you took a chance for love. 
that you dislodged your rib cage and exposed yourself to the world,
playing it cool over leaping towards connection is sometimes preferred. 
be thankful for 
you had found this person. 
in a billion-person world, and for a brief moment in time, 
you got to delve into their soul.

love was never intended to be controlled.
it's supposed to be felt.
you should be proud of yourself for feeling so intensely.
and allow that love to spread throughout the world,
changing others
the way it affected you.
i'm sure this will be excruciatingly painful.
but i have to go move on.
not for anyone else,
not to prove to anyone that i can.
but i will do it for myself.
we should get rid of what is weighing us down,
we must go through with all the lessons..
we should move on.
not because we need something to prove to the outer world,
but because we need something to prove to our heart.
our soul.
and while we let go of the things that hurt us real bad,
we will see change.
it's extremely difficult to see change. 
to see the difference beyond your own spirit, you know. 
as well as your own aspires as a wonderful thing 
it is, however, a good thing; the best thing. 
because it indicates that you are gaining knowledge.
you'll almost certainly ask different questions. 
you'll begin to understand what it all means. 
you're expecting more from yourself. 
you are genuinely attempting to determine what deserves to remain in your life.
which in that case, 
you must forgive yourself. 
allow yourself to change. 
and, perhaps most importantly, 
be the person who brings about change. 
"when you are the one who changes, 
it means you are the one who is growing." 
moreover, 
you now recognize what you do not want. 
you now recognize what you do not want to feel. 
you now have a clear idea of what you want. 
the admiration you deserve, 
and you would no longer accept the opposite.
forgive yourself for how you came to that conclusion. 
please forgive yourself for pouring your heart out to those people. 
who could not love it or value it. 
forgive yourself for falling for the wrong people. 
they weren't the wrong people. 
you were supposed to meet them. 
you were predestined to fall for them. 
you were meant to go through them and learn from them. 
you don't have to be sorry for how you put your heart into the world.
wish for change. 
it doesn't mean that you're lost.
it means that you're finding yourself.

jeeeeeez.
i hella know a lot of things now.
but trust me.
the feeling is amazing.
day by day,
i realize what love truly is.
you know, one of the reasons why relationships don't last these days is because 
when the 'spark' has faded, 
they find it tedious. 
the beginnings of relationships are almost always enjoyable. 
however, true love endures. 
with the person through all of the ups and downs, 
in both good and bad times.
real love is about uplifting one another. 
real love withstands even after the 'spark' has gone. 
nonetheless, despite all of this, 
i may not be an expert on love, but 
because i'm a moronic teenager...
but if i know anything about love,
is that you'll stay no matter what.
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