twelve.

                                    

                                          
[ lowercase intended. ]
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mackenzie
it hurts.
it fucking hurts.
how could he do this to me?
i thought he's different from all...
i gave him everything.
everything.
he even promised not to hurt me, but what did he do?
have i done something wrong?
was i not enough for him?
what went wrong?
how will i tell this to mom and maddie now??
i feel like my heart's been crushed into small pieces.
i hate when i couldn't express what i feel, 
all i ever do is cry.
and what i'm thinking about right now is,
 after breaking up with me,
he has the urge to still be friends with me?
as if he didn't inflict any pain onto me..
like why would i still be friends with you after that?
i can't accept it..
he was my happiness.
everything that i do great, it was all because of him.
i loved him so much more than myself.
how am i supposed to love myself now that he's gone?
i trusted his promise, 
and that's what kids do. 
i just didn't know then that his promise,
would be his biggest lie.
i loved him truly and purely.
maybe his love was never real as it felt.
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the next day,
i woke up in my alarm, 
oh shoot.
i have to go buy groceries today.
mom asked me to, 
since i know where to buy all the ingredients and stuffs in this place.
Hello, LA is such a big place, dude.
anyways,
i got up and then realized my pillow was soaking wet.
fuck, did i cry that much last night?
dang it, i remember it again.
it's official now,
we've broken up.
i really wanna tell my friends about it,
but i decided to keep it a secret for a while.
i don't want to be a burden.
i went to book a Grab on my way to the grocery store.
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minutes later, i have arrived in the grocery store, so i then quickly went to get all the stuff we needed for the food mom is about to cook.
someone suddenly tapped my shoulder, i immediately looked to see who it was.
"excuse me?"
" yes?"
"is that you kenzie?" 
"uh— yes, and you are?"
"oh it's me austin!"
"oh my gosh austin how are you doing??" i smiled and hugged him.
"i'm doing great! i missed you."
"i missed you too!"
"so how are things right now?"
"it's fine, i'm getting stuffs for our food. Hahaha." i said as i laughed.
"oh that's cool! how are you and johnny by the way?"
"oh, we broke up.." i replied.
"what?! what happened? since when?"
"just last night, i don't know, he just said he's in love with someone else, and that the thing we had was all nothing."
"dude that jerk. i'm gonna kill him."
i laughed.
"it's fine with me austin."
"are you okay now??"
"well, i can't say i am, but hopefully i will."
"yeah right, don't worry mackenzie, we your friends are always here for you." 
"thank you so much austin, by the way... i hope you don't ask johnny about us anymore okay?"
"sure, i totally understand."
"thank you, you know, since you and johnny are friends it's fine with me you not getting near me.."
"oh no mackenzie, i don't mind at all, 
and i won't leave you. we're friends after all."
"thank you so much austin. you're the best."
"well, no problem! it was nice seeing you. i better get going." 
"sure! see ya!" we then bid goodbyes as we parted.
i'm glad i have told one of my friends now. 
ugh, more to come.
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