18 ~ Let You Go

                                    

                                          
Y/N POV
I'm not really sure what's going on with Lizzie but I do know she's kind of a mess right now. I don't know why she's struggling but I'm kind of worried. 
I watch as she paces in the backyard on the phone with her soon to be husband.
"Auntie. It's time for my bedtime story." Aiden interrupts and I turn to make sure I keep his nightly routine. 
Mia is already waiting for us and I watch as they snuggle together in his bed. 
Before I read though, I feel like I need to have a really real conversation with them.
"You know I love you both a lot right?" I ask and they both nod.
"Yes I love you too." Aiden responds sweetly and I smile. 
"You also know that I write music and travel a lot too." I mention and they nod again. 
"I want to do anything I can to make sure you two are taken care of. I'm not sure if I'm a good caregiver for you." I try to explain and Mia twists her lips in thought.
"I think you are doing well. You were only two minutes late to pick me up." Aiden comments and I can't help but smile. 
"Aiden, Auntie is trying her best, but I think that taking care of both of us is a lot for her." Mia speaks up and it takes me by surprise. 
"I don't want you two to think you are too much. You are both angels. I just...It's just me. I don't have someone to share my life or responsibilities with. I'm still learning how to be an adult and to love. I'm learning how to put my health first. I'm dealing with a lot of adult things and I don't think I'm the best fit to be your parent right now." I try to explain. 
"You want to be our Auntie though right?" Aiden checks and I brush my fingers through his hair. 
"Of course I do. I think I'm a really good aunt." I decide. 
"Yes. I like you as an aunt." He confirms.
"Auntie, I know that you are struggling. We'll be okay." Mia assures me. 
"What do you two think about being with Aunt Marie and Uncle Derek?" I suggest carefully and Aiden gasps in excitement. 
"Yes! I like Charlie. He's fun to play with and he doesn't touch me too much." Aiden shares easily about his younger cousin. 
"I wouldn't mind another brother." Mia shrugs and it makes me smile. These two are the sweetest ever. I don't want to let them go but I feel like I'm not what's best for them right now. Maybe if I was different. But I'm a mess. 
Once I'm done reading Aiden his book which is adorable by the way, I head to Mia's room with her. He's ten and still likes bedtime stories. Too fucking cute. 
Mia hops into her bed and gets all snuggled in. 
"You're okay with what we talked about?" I ask and she nods. 
"To be honest I was kind of doubting that you would stay as our sole parent." She shares and I scoff in light offense. 
"Excuse you I'd be an awesome parent...if I was in a better place mentally." I tack on when she gives me a look. 
"I know. But I want you to be happy and healthy too. Aunt Marie and Uncle Derek are already parents. You're still figuring out if you love Lizzie or not." She accurately assesses. Okay what the fuck?
"How are you so smart?" I ask and lean down to lay with her. She cuddles into my side before answering. 
"I just am. I know that this is a lot for you. I love you a lot but I love you as our aunt. Not our parent. If you were our mom who would take me to get my first tattoo?" She points out and I hum in agreement.