16 ~ NDA Part 2

                                    

                                          
Y/N POV
"Linda I...I'm a mess." I admit. 
"You're not a mess but it's okay to feel like a mess, especially at a time like this." She validates and I sigh. 
"I just feel so tired and overwhelmed all the time. I don't know how to be this person that Mia and Aiden need. I've always been their favorite Aunt. I...I don't know if I can be their parent." I admit and sniff away the tears falling down my cheeks. 
"I know it's hard to realize this. I know you probably feel like you aren't enough for them, but it's okay. You are allowed to grieve and choose to take care of yourself." She advises. 
"But, Bradley wanted me to take care of them. How can I choose myself when two kids just lost their parents?" 
"You cannot assign importance to one's feelings over others. Everyone has strong feelings right now and you all have the right to feel them. No one's feelings are more important than the person next to them." She advises and I sigh. 
"I just feel like...I feel like they should come first right now." I explain. 
"Putting them first might be admitting you aren't ready to care for them. Sometimes the best thing to do is admit you aren't ready." She advises and my mind flashes to Lizzie. 
"My um...Lizzie said that recently." I share and she hums.
"The same Lizzie you've told me about?" She asks.
"Yes...she's here. She was with me when I got the call and chose to come with me." I explain. 
"That was very nice of her." She comments and I smile. 
"It was...I might have been a bitch about it at first." I share sheeepishly. 
"Why do you think you were?" She asks. 
"Because I was dealing with too much...it was probably a trauma response." I decide. 
"And now?" 
"I like that she's here. Even if she confuses me." I admit easily. 
"Why does she confuse you?" 
"Because it's been so long and now she's back and...I thought I was over it all." I decide. 
"Well, maybe this is the opportunity you need to finally heal from everything that happened? Maybe she needs to heal too." She suggests and it makes sense. Lizzie has told me numerous times she's here for me. To make sure I'm okay. To support me. It's all I ever wanted from her.
We end our phone session a few minutes later after I promise to go through the briefcase. Apparently it will help me grieve. 
When I step back inside Lizzie is coming down from her shower and we share a small smile. She heads into the kitchen and makes a peanut butter sandwich as I sit on the couch. Hailee walks in from the lounge and kisses the top of my head before heading upstairs for a nap. Lizzie follows with the sandwich and I realize she's bringing it up to Mia. 
Pam is downstairs working on funeral and label stuff while I sit on the couch daydreaming about a woman I have no business thinking about in this way.
A familar melody makes its way to the front of my brain and I realize it's Anyone Else, the song Josh is releasing soon. I take out my phone and call him. 
Josh: Y/N! Finally. How are you are you okay?
Me: Hey bud. Yeah I'm okay. Um...we need to change the second verse. 
Josh: What? But it's all done and ready to go.
Me: Trust me on this one. 
I click the FaceTime button and grab the guitar from the lounge before sitting back on the couch.