Singularity

                                    

                                          
I could see and feel the impending end of us that would come, despite being with him every moment he was in Chicago. It started small as he had separate meetings with the two entertainment companies that were hoping to work with him. Company reps took him to dine at lavish restaurants that weren't his taste, the amount of kisses he peppered on my cheeks and neck making me squeal when he returned, still hungry after the small portions and grateful that I cooked. 
He didn't seem ready to settle on the first contracts that were presented, talking aloud through the clauses he wanted to negotiate and on constant calls with his new manager. The negotiations gave us more time, but he was already anticipating a move to LA as he grew, rumors spreading that he was close to signing and his fanbase growing to the point that he somehow became more recognizable during the times we went out in public. 
He was good at keeping some boundaries, refusing to answer phone calls late into the evening or before we had breakfast. He assured me that it would take time for things to take off, and that seemed true as he occupied himself by working with a couple of other artists he consistently produced to hammer out their deals.
The distance first settled in during the week he spent in LA, meeting a few executives as they closed on his contract and jumping into the studio to record his first track. He was so busy that he barely slept and I didn't hear from him, staying at his apartment to water plants and collect mail. 
When he returned he was needy in a way that told me he was no longer confident that our relationship wouldn't be impacted by his impending fame. 
"I don't want this to end." He kissed me with a desperation that brought tears to my eyes. 
I kissed him back with the same fervency, and when I pulled away we were still so connected that we stayed in the void, nothing from the universe reappearing as I laid on top of him. I wanted nothing but to offer to go with him, but I couldn't be sure he would want that and it felt selfish, dragging it out with the loom of a future soulmate over my head. 
I could sense his tension at the news he had, an ache in his voice as he revealed the date that would change everything. "December twenty-ninth." He muttered against my mouth, keeping his eyes open so that they bored into mine.
It was only five weeks away and I couldn't help but think that though it would be a long amount of time for some, for me it may as well have been tomorrow. I wanted him longer and my only desire was to have more. That night, we got more as I let him have every part of me. To describe the feeling, I'd recall my high school science class, when I questioned what was beyond a black hole. The answer, singularity, a minuscule point with gravity so intense that it infinitely curves space and time. 
We didn't want to spend a moment apart over the coming weeks. He insisted that I be included on every guest list he was put on, bringing me out to shows and games he was invited to. He accompanied me to my shifts at the library and the holiday photo shoots I scheduled. We had dinner together every evening, going between his apartment where we cooked and ordered our favorite takeout, and mine, frequently joined by Faye, Lee, and sometimes Jackson. 
Our feelings got the best of us a handful of times as we bickered over his excitement of leaving, rubbing me the wrong way as my longing for more time led to interpreting his joy as excitement to leave me. He felt the same when I contemplated my next plans, already feeling forgotten like a far away memory. 
When we fought it started with anger, before moving into expressions of hurt, the anticipation of missing each other at the forefront of our minds. We moved on by welcoming the void until reaching singularity. 
"Whenever I have my first show I want you there." He was serious, moving his fingers slowly through mine as he studied the way they laced together. 
I chuckled, using my other hand to trace the sharp line of his jaw. "It wouldn't be a show without your greatest fan would it?" I watched his face relax with my words. My claim to being his greatest fan had become something we consistently joked about, stemming from his mocking me for my stan-like behavior after I captured the perfect photos to accompany the music he was working on with a hope to turn them into the sleeve and cover for his first album. 
Taking down every piece of IKEA furniture we picked out when we first met haunted me as the most difficult task. He could tell by the way I kept pushing it off, completing most of the work while I slept in the middle of the night because he knew I would cry.
We didn't sleep the night before he left, cuddled together on his mattress that sat on the floor. He kept me awake by kissing me at every moment he saw my eyes start to droop, savoring the seconds through sunrise and until the very last one. 
My hand gripped his the entire time a team of men lugged his belongings down to the moving van, the other wrapped around his bicep. 
Though he was typically adverse to public affection, he kissed me for nearly the entire ride to the airport, apologizing to the driver with a laugh once we arrived. I stayed with him until we were set to part at TSA and he gave me a moment out of a romance movie, the parting kiss we shared just as enchanting as the night we met, and the final glance over his shoulder before heading toward his terminal one that made my knees weak. 
I fiddled with the key to his apartment, set to leave it with his landlord once he was back in town the following day, and on the ride back to my apartment, I imagined him somewhere in the sky and wishing for the universe. 
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Author's Note: A quick shoutout to the album that got me through this chapter tonight, 6lack's "East Atlanta Love Letter" and specifically the song, "Stan." I know some of you will be upset to say goodbye to another soulmate but don't fret, this may not be the last time we see Yoongi.