11 ~ Ghost

                                    

                                          
Lizzie POV
I'm struggling with what I should do. I already decided that I'm staying until the funeral to support the family, but what about after that? I want Y/N back in my life but it doesn't even seem like she wants me here at all.
I guess I get it. She has a lot going on right now and we don't exactly have a simple history. But, I want to help. I want to be who she deserved all those years ago. I want to show her that I'm not the same, that I've grown and I can be a better friend. 
I know I have a life with my career and Robbie, but that doesn't mean I don't have room for more people I care about. Especially when one of them is right in front of me, trying to deal with the death of her brother. I wish she would just let me be here. It could be simple if we want it to be.
"All I want is to show you that I'm here. If that's just for now and you want me gone as soon as the funeral is over, fine. But I'm here, I want to be in your life, and I want to show you that even if things seem difficult, things could be simple. I'm here, if you want me and I won't leave you until you tell me to." I explain, hoping she understands. 
"Okay." She sighs and I can't tell if she believes me or she's just tired of the conversation. 
"Okay." I reply. 
The conversation dies there and even if I wanted to continue to reassure her, I stay quiet. At this point it's selfish of me to continue to try to convince her. Our relationship isn't important right now and I can show her better than I can tell her that I mean what I said. I want to be in her life, I want to support her, and it can be that simple. 
Does seeing her again ignite some old feelings? Maybe a little, but I'm engaged. She knows that and she has literally two women texting her. I wonder if she's going to tell me about Hailee? I saw the message when I unlocked her phone but I'm not going to mention it until she does.
I look up from my lap when she starts to hum and fight away any emotions that she stirs with her random lyrics. She pauses here and there to write stuff down and it makes me smile. She still writes the same after all this time. I remain quiet as she starts to sing slightly louder.
Since the love that you left is all that I get
I want you to know that if I can't be close to you
I settle for the ghost of you
I miss you more than life
I swallow harshly at the emotion in her voice. She sings the words quietly but her voice cracks with grief. I know she misses her brother and is trying to hold it together for the kids, but I'm glad she's letting her feelings get out now.
And if you can't be next to me, Your memory is ecstasy
I miss you more than life, I miss you more than life
Youngblood thinks there's always tomorrow
I need more time but time can't be borrowed
I take a deep breath as I watch her realize that her time with her brother is up. Tomorrow isn't promised and time isn't certain. It's why I don't want to waste any more time not having her in my life. She means too much to me and I don't care how much things have changed or how she has changed. I know her, at her core, and I know I still care about her more than anything.
I'd leave it all behind if I could follow
Since the love that you left is all that I get
I want you to know that if I can't be close to you
I'll settle for the ghost of you
I miss you more than life, yeah
And if you can't be next to me
Your memory is ecstasy (oh)
I miss you more than life
I miss you more than life
She sighs as she plays the last chord and slowly sets the guitar down onto the chair beside her. I watch as she slides her hands onto her face before her fingers tangle in her hair. Her eyes are closed as tears escape them, her lips pressed together inside her mouth.