Cold Dead Heart

                                    

                                          
Warning: angst and mentions of suicide. Please do not read of this triggers you, I care about your health and want you to be somewhat safe. 
With that in mind, this is a different version of that one story on the wiki where Iceberg offs himself.
Enjoy.
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Dr. Iceberg was a peculiar case to Dr. Glass. 
The man was always cold, no matter how many layers and heaters were put on him. His hair always seemed to look blue even though it was supposedly blond. He was slightly taller than average, being a rough estimate of 6'2". 
And Dr. Iceberg appeared normal enough to Glass, had it been for his background Glass would have thought Iceberg was a civilian. Of course, with Glass's knowledge on Iceberg, it did make a difference. 
Dr. Icebergs file read 
Name: Julian "Iceberg" Finn
Date of birth: [REDACTED] 
Place of birth: [REDACTED] 
Family connections: all are dead or think he has died 
Relationship status: has remained anonymous until further notice 
Mental Illness: slight case of OCD and ADHD although it could be ADD. There is also evidence to suggest Dr. Iceberg is dealing with depression. Until I can get further results there is no way to confirm nor deny. -Dr. Glass
Living quarters: at site [REDACTED] until further notice
Addition: Dr. Iceberg is known for being explosive crazy and not thinking before doing actions that could cause harm to himself or others. There have been many cases where we have had to have Dr. Gears watch over him while he was 'bomb testing'. He is a good source of explosions though, and most of site [REDACTED]'s explosions are caused because of him. In the rare case of a breach in containment against better judgement he will go out in the hallways and collect personel and staff to get them to safety. There have been many such occasions where he has saved lives but have also endangered them. The mobile task force at site [REDACTED] do not appreciate being shot at because Dr. Iceberg did not see them from around the corner. It also leads to unnecessary injuries and fatality rates. -[REDACTED] 
So yeah, in Glass's full opinion, Dr. Iceberg is a relatively normal person with a somewhat normal background. Other than the fact that there have been reports of Dr. Iceberg purposefully standing near a bomb explosion to get hit with the blast. 
Dr. Glass speculates the reason for this is because Dr. Iceberg wants to re-simulate the day of his unfortunate accident. The reason why he's so cold, the reason why he's jumpy at loud sounds, quick movements, is easily triggered by things around him like objects and people, and how he'll go into a state of enduced panic until someone, usually Dr. Gears, gets him to calm down. 
So Dr. Glass might need to update Dr. Icebergs personel file, add a few more notes and talk over with the 05's if he could pull Dr. Iceberg out of work for testing and study of the inner mechanisms of his mind. 
But that still wouldn't answer one of Dr. Glass's most prominent questions. 
What makes Dr. Icebergs heart so dead and cold to the world? 
Dr. Iceberg has shown his lack of care for the surroundings around him, he can rescue people and help them, but he can't feel anything good come from it. 
Not the satisfaction that he saved someone's life, or that someone gets to live another day because he acted quickly, he just doesn't experience it. 
And at first Dr. Glass mistook this for Dr. Iceberg having no empathy for others but then Dr. Glass took a closer look and saw that wasn't the case at all. Because when Dr. Iceberg and Dr. Gears interact it has some good effects on Dr. Icebergs mental state. He becomes happier and in turn, more likely to help someone else. 
So Dr. Glass supposes that Dr. Iceberg needs to have good feelings to start with for him to be able to help others. If he's not feeling happy enough of satisfied with his day other people to him are nothing more than faces and voices. He makes no move to make any meaningful connections with anyone, or even interact with people except for the bare minimum. 
But this could also just be how Dr. Iceberg is, there isn't any reason he couldn't just be like this normally, accept Glass has a hard time believing this because when the two first met and Dr. Iceberg showed more care for others, would always help new reasurchers even though he was a new reasercher himself, and was just an overall joy to be around. 
So what changed within Dr. Iceberg? 
Dr. Glass has had several discussions with Dr. Iceberg about his medical file, stating suicide attempts from his 20's and his latest one being from when he was 31, and for refrence, Iceberg is now 34. 
Not to say Dr. Glass isn't proud of how far Dr. Icebergs come, but he worries that Dr. Iceberg is going to relapse soon. All the signs are there, it's just a matter if when or if Dr. Glass can make a change in Iceberg. 
But that's the thing. Dr. Glass doesn't think Iceberg wants to be changed, wants to be helped, wants to be safe. Glass thinks Iceberg wants to be left alone until the world forgets him and moves on, Iceberg hasn't contributes to anything so he feels useless to the people around him. He makes up for it by doing people's work, staying for overtime, getting people coffee or water, or even snacks! 
Dr. Glass is making all these assumptions with just what he has observed, but it's so hard to get Iceberg to admit to anything. And Glass doesn't blame him, no one wants to admit they need help, but this could be life or death. Glass can't act on anything unless he thinks Iceberg is gonna be a harm to others but it doesn't say anything about a harm to himself. 
And when Dr. Gears went off site for a trip to see and compare notes with other therapists in the foundation, he gets a call. 
One. Single. Call. 
It's from Gears, and he sounds shakey, almost as if he's seen something he shouldn't have. 
"G-glass?" 
"What's wrong gears, what happened?" 
"He- he did it. He woke up went to his office and fired the gun... I'm staring at his body right n-now." 
Glass's breath caught in his throat, and he ran out the door immediately, requesting to go back to site [REDACTED] as an emergency. 
He had hung up the phone with gears, promising he would be there soon. 
All throughout the ride all Glass can think about is how he didn't help Iceberg. He was his therapist for Christ's sake! He should have done something better, talked to him more, made more of a change! 
But he didn't, he didn't even try. He didn't see a point. He knew this time was coming and there was little he could do anyway, but he still wanted to try and help. 
He thought he still had time. 
Now icebergs heart isn't just cold and dead, it's all of him. He's just a corpse, and glass is guilty of not helping. Not preventing. 
Glass will never forgive himself. 
~~~~~~
I hope you enjoyed this nice chapter of iceberg fucking dieing for our sins. 
Anyway, have a great day/night/afternoon/mornin!