Chapter Eleven

                                    

                                          
The sternness of Eros' face sends a chill down my spine, I take a step back and all moisture evaporates from my mouth. All the possibilities of what Eros is referring to run through my mind in a split second before I open my mouth and respond. Goosebumps form on my arms as I fear Eros discovering the truth. Fire explodes in my chest and spreads through my veins at the thought of one of the fallen exposing my secret. And a sliver of hope sparks in the fire's wake; the possibility of Eros' acceptance and reciprocity of my love.
I push aside the torrent of emotions coursing through me and clear my throat, holding the door so tightly that the edges leave red marks on my palm, "Uh...what are you talking about?" 
Eros looks in my eyes, his breathing steady and calm despite his cold stance before me. He uncrosses his arms, sweeping them outwards in his indignation. 
"When were you going to tell me you know Felio and Luvenia?"
My eyes widen and I let out a long breath, dropping my arm from the door and walking back into the apartment. Eros follows and I turn around to face him, realising my relief was pre-emptive as his angry eyes remain fixed on me.
Eros raises his eyebrows expectantly, "well? It might have taken me a beat, but I'm not an idiot- Felix knows about your ex."
Leaning one hand on the back of the couch, I swallow as I prepare myself for my next lie, "you are right, I do know Felio and Luvenia. I did not mean to hide anything from you." There is a salty taste in my mouth as the words tumble out and I try to keep my voice steady.
"How do you know them?" Eros' stare is unwavering.
"Through the university. We met a few years ago. We...do not get along, exactly."
Eros scrunches his forehead, "why? They seem nice enough."
I nod my head in agreement, "hmm...I guess you could say...there was a debate, and we were on opposite sides of it."
"Like a political debate?" Bless Eros and his assumptions.
"Exactly like that. We have not conversed in the same circles since."
"Do you have any friends?" Eros tilts his head to the side in question, a second later looking away shyly, "sorry, that was rude, wasn't it? It's just, I haven't heard you speak of any friends, or met any."
I shrug my shoulders, "I am not the warmest person. I tend to keep people at a distance."
Eros visibly relaxes, his shoulders lower, his features soften, and he takes a step towards me. "You haven't done that with me."
"You are an exception." 
Eros' eyes light up and he smiles. He moves close to me, wrapping his arms around my neck and bringing his lips to mine. I wrap my arms around his waist and lightly squeeze his sides. The kiss is short and sweet.
"I've wanted to kiss you all day. When I realised about Felio, I...got mad. I jumped to conclusions when I should have just asked you, like a normal person. I'm not a crazy jealous boyfriend, I swear."
"You were jealous?" I keep my arms around his waist, my face lifting in a teasing smile.
Eros looks away from me as he answers sheepishly, "well, yeah. I thought maybe...maybe he was an ex as well."
I burst out laughing, "Felio? God, no." I keep laughing, unable to control it now, images of Felio in any kind of romantic way bordering between hilarious and vomit-inducing. 
Eros taps my shoulder lightly, "Hey, don't make fun. I don't know much of your past."
I lead Eros to the other side of the couch, taking his hand and lacing our fingers together. "What would you like to know?"
Eros smiles and starts throwing questions at me. I spend time fielding questions from him, trying to be as honest as I can while steering clear of details from our past lives and origins. I use my most recent upbringing to talk about my past as it makes sense to do so. Eros poses random questions about himself (the version of him he believes to be an ex) and I get the feeling that the idea of my 'ex' bothers him still. 
Eros becomes over-excited, speaking loudly and so fast at times that he trips over his own words. It is unbelievably adorable, and I can't help but admire the shine of his eyes and the way his smile keeps showing that cute dimple on his right cheek.
As the black hues of the night deepen, I glance at the clock on the far wall. Midnight usually brings a different silence to it than earlier in the night, though I had not noticed we had spoken well past. I offer Eros to stay in the guest room as he has done previously. 
Before I can stand from the couch and set him up for the evening, Eros leans over and plants his lips on mine. For a second, I feel disappointed at no longer hearing his excited voice, until I come to my senses and realise, he is kissing me and I lean into it.
It does not take long before Eros shifts his body weight, so he is straddling my lap. I run my hands along his back and allow him to continue stealing my breath. I could never tire of his kiss; a thousand lifetimes and it still electrifies me.
Eros pulls away, out of breath and looks at me with a different kind of shine in his eyes, "Cassian," he whispers.
"Hmm?"
"Can I stay in your room, instead?" I pull back further and search his face. Eros leans forward, kissing along my neck to my ear and as if to make his meaning clear, whispers, "I want you."
Eros kisses me softly as I ponder his words. "You are making this difficult, love," I manage to say.
Eros moves away from my neck, placing his hands on either side of my face, "if you don't want to, it's ok."
I wrap a hand around his head and pull him down, kissing him hard, "I never said that. But you do test my poise. You drive me crazy." Eros giggles sweetly.
Prior to my recent desert road trip, I had full intention of pulling away in a situation such as this. I was not going to be intimate with him until he had his memories returned. It felt, extraordinarily dishonest.
But now, knowing that cannot happen, my resolve is quickly shattering. And when Eros deepens the kiss, tangling his fingers in my hair at the back of my head...
His body remembers where to touch me, how to kiss me to make me melt. I am lost to him now. I kiss Eros fiercely until his breathing is heavy, and his fingers are fumbling with my clothing. 
Then I lead him to the bedroom and allow his fingers to continue their path. We reacquaint ourselves with our bodies, learning anew what it is to touch and caress each other. What it is to feel our skin held tightly against each other. What it is to be connected as one.
As we lay together side by side and Eros starts drifting to sleep, he whispers words I had not realised I had been longing to hear. 
"I love you," he says softly. 
I am not sure if he meant to say it aloud, or if he knows I heard it. But hearing those words from my Angel's lips as my arms are wrapped around him, fills my heart with a warmth I have been yearning for. I kiss the top of his head and whisper back, "I love you too."
If I had known what was to come, I would have memorised this moment, immortalising it in my mind, locked up with all the treasured moments I hold so dear.

a/n I said there were 4 chapters left and then I split this chapter into two. The same may happen with the last chapter. So there are now 4-5 chapters left plus an Epilogue. Also, with this chapter I have met the 20k milestone. Now to finish the book!