Feelings Part 2 - Kate Bishop

                                    

                                          
Warnings: none that I can think of
I'm trying to decide if I should write a part 3. I have an idea for it but this little story could also end here.


To say I felt horrible for what I said to Kate is an understatement. The thing is, everything I told her was just my inability to go against my parents. Kate wasn't wrong when she said that I'm 21 and no longer living under their roof and their rules. I technically don't have to live to please them.
	But there's that little voice in the back of my mind saying that I have to be who they want me to be because I owe them that. I won't lie, I've messed up some times during my childhood. I did do some stupid stuff that I'm not exactly proud of. My whole life, I've tried to make my parents proud through my academics and actions. But it's like I told Kate, all I ever did was disappoint them. 
	I was getting sick of this. I want to be my own person and live my own life and live for no one but myself. It feels so damn near impossible to do that though. 
	A week had gone by since Kate and I had our little conversation and we hadn't said a word to each other. Christmas had come and gone and New Years was coming up soon. Then she and I would be going back to school to finish up our Junior years of college. I knew it would be incredibly uncomfortable and awkward if we went back together without patching things up. I didn't want that. 
	That train of thought is what pushed me out to the sidewalks and down the streets to Kate's apartment. I stood for a moment, staring at her door.
	Am I going to regret this? Probably. But I know I'll regret it more if we go back to school without patching things up.
	Taking a deep breath, I knocked, silently praying she wasn't home. She was, and when she opened her door, my breath hitched. She looked terrible, and I mean that in the nicest way possible. Her hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail, she had dark circles underneath her eyes and her skin was pale, like she hadn't been outside in days. 
	Did I do this to her?
	Kate just stood there, staring at me quietly and expectantly. 
	"I know I'm the last person you probably want to talk to, but I came to apologize." I finally croaked out, trying to keep myself together. God, I felt so bad. 
	Kate just nodded and stepped aside, letting me in.
	As I entered, I watched her sit down at the kitchen table, the same setting where we had our last encounter. I took this as an invitation to sit, so I did, sliding into the chair across from Kate. 
	I took a deep breath, trying to gather my thoughts to form a competent apology that wouldn't come across as half-assed. 
	"I want to start off and say that I'm sorry about everything. You had the courage to ask something important and I threw it right back in your face." I started, trying my best to keep eye contact with Kate. I want her to know that I'm being genuine about this. 
	"No, y/n it's okay. I knew about your dodgy relationship with your parents and I should have taken that into account before asking you if you wanted to take things further. That's on me." Kate finally spoke. 
	Her response threw me off a bit. Was she trying to take responsibility for me denying her? I didn't want that because I didn't see this whole situation as her fault. 
	She must have seen my confused expression because she began speaking again. 
	"Can I ask you something though?" Kate leaned forward, looking me dead in the eye.
	I just nodded. I hadn't seen this coming. Me being the overthinker that I am, I had come up with a thousand different scenarios on how this apology would go. This had been one I hadn't thought of and I definitely wasn't expecting it. 
	"If you knew you were going to turn me down with that excuse of 'I'm not out to my parents and I could never come out because I can't disappoint them,' then why did you agree to go on a date with me in the first place? Why did you agree five different times to go out?" Kate asked in a serious tone. 
	She had a fair point. 
	I sighed and looked away. This was something I definitely didn't want to talk about, but I knew I had to if I wanted to salvage any kind of friendship with Kate. 
	"When I was in high school and I figured out I was gay, that's when I realized the depth of my situation, how I could never have a future with someone because of my parents. So, I never allowed myself to develop feelings towards someone. On the off chance that I did, I would push those feelings away and deny them." I looked back at Kate now, talking about what I thought I would never say. "It was because of that, that I became numb. I never felt anything proper until I met you. It was when we graduated high school and we were out celebrating, that I thought 'maybe it would be okay to feel things for you.' You made me feel safe and loved and understood. I actually felt things when I was around you. So when you asked me out that first time, I said yes because you helped me feel normal. That's why I kept saying yes every time you asked me out. But every time I said yes to you, I hated myself, because I could never love you because of my parents."
Kate just sat there, processing what I had told her. It was the truth, everything I had just said. I hated to admit it, but I loved Kate, and I still do. 
Apparently she didn't know how to respond immediately, so she just looked down at her hands that were resting in her lap. 
"I still really like you, y/n, but I also want to respect your decision. I understand if you just want to go back to being friends." Kate muttered, trying her best to keep her voice from wavering. 
"See, that's just the thing. I still really like you too, and I was wondering if you'd still like to be my girlfriend?" I asked, finally building up the courage to try and rekindle our relationship. 
Kate looked up at me with a new kind of confusion.
"What? But what about your family?" she asked. 
"Kate, over the last few days, I've been thinking hard about it and I want this. You were right, when you said that I'm an adult and I no longer have to live under their rules. I'm willing to learn how to be my own person, if you'll help me." I told her slowly, choosing my words carefully. 
Kate hesitated, trying to read my face. Then a wide smile spread across her face. 
"I would love to be your girlfriend." Her voice was genuine and happy, and her smile was contagious. 
"Just one more thing?" I asked shyly. 
She hummed in response, not dropping her smile. 
"Could we take this slow? This whole relationship thing is still new to me." I said a silent prayer that my latest request hadn't ruined the second chance she had given me. 
"I'd rather take it slow than no have you at all." Kate responded.
Now I was smiling, happy to finally have this whole situation figured out, happy to finally call Kate Bishop my girlfriend.