Chapter 6

                                    

                                          
CALLIES POV:
"Would you like a glass of wine" I asked Arizona once she sat on the couch. I need some alcohol for this upcoming conversation.
"That would be great" she said with a small smile. 
"White wine, I assume?" Arizona always loved white whine, but I prefer the red one. Nevertheless, I bought a bottle of white wine for arizona. It happens automatically as I was in the supermarket and saw the bottle of white wine.
"Yeah" she answered and I can tell she is a little bit nervous but so am I. This conversation needs to be done. As I took the two glasses of wine, I sat beside her, facing her. I gave her the wine and she thanked me with a nervous smile 
I took a deep breath and said what I wanted to say to her for a long time 
"First of all, before we start this conversation, I want to apologize for the way I treated you in the custody battle and for the things, I let my lawyer say about you. I feel horrible and I will totally understand if you hate me for that. I am so truly sorry, Arizona and I hope one day you can forgive me"
She looked me in the eyes and shooked her head "I could never hate you Calliope, even if I wanted to" 
There it was 'Calliope', I missed the way it sounds, when Arizona called me Calliope. Penny called me that too but it was never the same. No one says my name like Arizona. 
"I was so horrible to you and you still bought us plane tickets to let me take our daughter with me, I could never thank you enough for that." 
"I wanted you to be happy and I still do" she said while her voice cracked. 
I felt the tears in my eyes. "I want you to be happy too Arizona" I replied as I took her hand in mine. 
"Why did you and Penny break up? You two seemed to be so happy" she asked me with a small insecurity in her voice. 
I sighed "The relationship with Penny was never meant to last but I realized it too late. We barely saw each other, because she was always at work. I wanted to fight because I didn't want another failed relationship, that's why I told myself that things will change. I loved Penny, it was easy with her, there were barely fights and I wanted an easy relationship at this time but I realized that I was never really IN love her, that's why I decided to break things off" 
She didn't say anything for a short moment, I can't read her emotion. 'Is she mad at me?' I thought to myself.
"I'm sorry that it didn't work out" she then said.
"Well, I am not" I let out a small chuckle and took a sip from my wine.
After a few minutes of silence, I decided to ask her the one thing I wanted to ask her a long time ago. "Why did you cheat on me? I forgave you but I want to know the reason." 
I watched her as she took a long gulp from her wine. 
"After I lost my leg, I felt like I am not good enough for you and that you won't find me attractive anymore" she starts 
"Of course I still found you attractive with one leg and you always were enough for me" I interrupted her as I raised my voice a little bit.
"Stop, just listen and let me talk" arizona said sternly. "Lauren didn't know me before the plane crash, she only knew me as the women with one leg and she still flirted with me. It felt good. Really good. She gave me a bit of my self-confidence back. I know that don't justify the cheating, but it didn't have anything to do with you. You were always by my side during my worst days, even though I was terrible to you. I will forever regret what happend with Lauren, it was the biggest mistake in my life and I am so sorry for hurting you" 
As I looked in her eyes, I could see the honesty and the regret. "I wish you would have told me all those things earlier"
"I didn't think it would change anything at this time." Arizona sadly admitted.. There was another awkward silence where neither of us knew what to say. I could tell that something is bothering her, she kept staring at her half-full wine glass and she plays with her fingers what she always does, when she is nervous.
"You can ask me anything, you know. That is why we are here." I tried to reassure her. Finally she looked up from her wine glass, took a deep breath and asked the question I didn't expect. "Why did you sleep with me the night before we broke up?" 
I didn't know what to say, so I looked at my wine glass to consider my words. "I.. I honestly don't know, I.. I  kind of needed to feel you and I was selfish. I am so sorry Arizona for hurting you the way I did. Please believe me when I say that hurting you is the least I wanted to do. Besides Sofia, you are the most important person for me and you always will be." 
I needed her to know that. Tears streamed down my face because of the realization that I hurt the one person, I loved the most. Arizona then wiped my tears away with her thumbs and sadly smiled at me. "I really hope we can be friends because I want you in my life, I can't not have you in my life"  she admitted. "Of course we can be friends, I want you in my life too" I reassured her. 
"Do you want another glass of wine?" I asked her once I noticed her now empty glass. "Uhm, no I should go, it's getting late and I am tired, we can talk tomorrow about how we plan on taking care of Sofia, if you are okay with it" Arizona said as she put on her jacket.
"okay yeah absolutely, text me when you are home, so I don't need to be worried. Sleep well." I opened the door for her
"Good night Calliope" she said as she gave me a hug... a hug that feels like coming home.