Chapter Six: The Party

                                    

                                          
"You ready Wills" Ben asks, peeking into my bedroom.
I am sat, lost in thought, in the chair beside my window. 
The joint party tonight was at the local hotel. We were due to leave imminently, and yet I couldn't move, my feet felt glued to the floor. I wasn't sure if my intuition was trying to warn me, trying to save me from what was about to happen, but unfortunately, I would ignore it. 
"Yes" I reply, offering a weak smile and standing. 
"You look beautiful little sister" Ben says, taking in my dress, a modest and yet beautiful sun dress, something Charlotte had picked out and my mom had begged me to wear as she thought it looked adorable. 
It was white, with a shirred top, with little birds printed on it, a perfect dress for Allie, it had buttons that went up over my chest and a squared neckline. It was feminine and beautiful, and it made me feel like the young woman I had just become, still a teenager of sorts but with one foot stepping out into adulthood before me. 
"Thank you Benny" I return with a smile, and I slip on my shoes. 
"I must thank you, for helping me find Allie the perfect birthday present"
 I look up and meet his warm smile "of course" I return, and I feel a pang of regret that I had given that book to Ben. It was meant to be from me. 
I had bought Allies birthday presents weeks ago, and this book of poetry, I knew it would mean a lot to her. I saved up and bought it as soon as I could, but when Ben came to me days ago, upset, that he had no idea what she liked, I couldn't help but want to help him. He clearly loved her, and she liked him, no matter how she may not share it with me. I had to put aside my own feelings, and let him have a chance, because when I declared my love for Allie later tonight, I wanted it to be an equal playing field. I wanted Allie's honest answer, not just what I wanted to hear. 
"Did she love it" I ask.
He nods with a grin "she loved it so much Willa... she was blown away, although I admit, I feel a little guilty it wasn't my idea"
"I'm glad she loved it" I return painfully.
"Don't feel guilty Ben" I say standing "she would have loved the thought, whomever it came from" 
He opens the door, as we filter out and down the stairs, to my mom and dad, who await at the door. 
"Ready kids" my dad calls. "The whole family is there and waiting" he adds, as we make our way out to the car.
***
The party is loud and music spills out front of the building as we approach. Our parents had jointly rented out the hotels entertainment area, usually it was reserved for wedding receptions. Our parents wanted Allie and I to have a joint party, with all of our large families, extended family, friends, and of course church folk. I had no idea at the time that my parents were aware of Bens proposal. Part of the desire for a large event, I hadn't realised, was to invite everyone they had ever met to witness the engagement of my best friend, to my brother. The more I thought about that later, the more it was like that night I was invited to the place of my death, strung along naively to the place my life would be ripped apart, like being led to my fate, dragged and thrown into a cage. I was forced to watch the love of my life from it, handed to my brother, willingly, as everyone cheered and then set upon it. I was devoured by the atmosphere, the sight of her leaving me. She would be ripped from me that night.. with no sedation, no pain killers blocking the receptors in my brain from feeling each and every torturous tug, pull, rip of her. It was like she was pulled her left and right, tearing the fabric of her being from my fucking soul, and throwing her into Bens arms, where she would be bound to him haphazardly. She didn't belong there, she didn't fit, there was no part of Allie that fit into his soul, not as she had fit so seamlessly into mine, they didn't belong, and nobody saw it, as the air would leave my lungs... and we would cease to exist. We were no longer cohabiting the one soul, and I think part of me died, this night.