35 ~ Breakup

                                    

                                          
Y/N POV
"Hannah, what?" I ask as she tries to explain something to me again. 
"Y/N I'm not sure how much clearer I could be." She responds with a bit of sass. 
"You think I'm using you to get over Lizzie?" I clarify and she huffs out a frustrated breath. "You think I would do that?" I ask, a little offended. 
"No I don't think you'd do it on purpose." She backtracks and I sigh. 
"I thought we figured this out?" I ask, recalling the conversations we've had since Lizzie came back. 
"I thought we did too but...ever since you've been hanging out with her again I just...I see a difference in you Y/N." She reveals. 
"Difference? Hannah, I don't know if I'm stupid or what but I don't understand what you are getting at." I explain. 
"I think you still love her...and I don't want to get hurt when you realize it." She states quietly. 
"Are you...wait. Are you trying to break up with me?" I ask and she sighs. 
"Y/N, I like you a lot and I don't regret our relationship at all. I just...I. I see the way you look at her. I don't even think you realize it. I care for you and I know you care about me but it's not the same as how you feel about Lizzie." She explains slowly, my face scrunching in confusion. 
"Hannah, I don't have feelings for her." I deny and she sighs. 
"You can say that but it doesn't change the fact that I think we should go back to being friends." She concludes, my chest tightening with emotion. 
"So that's it? You have a feeling and don't believe me so you break up with me? I didn't even do anything. I've done what you've asked. I don't get it...what more could I have done to make you feel more secure?"I ask genuinely. If I did something to hurt her I want to know.
"Y/N, you did nothing wrong. I'm just worried about where we are going with Lizzie back in your life." She explains. 
"That's kind of shitty. I thought you trusted me? You're breaking up with me based on events that haven't even happened. You don't know what will happen in the future." I ramble, my stomach in knots. What the hell did I do?
"I do trust you and I know you would never intentionally hurt me...I just want to protect myself. This decision doesn't have anything to do with what you've done. You've been perfect. You're an amazing girlfriend. I just think that I'm not the one you should be putting all your time and effort into." She states patiently reaching out to hold my hand. 
"You think I should be with Lizzie? After what she did to me?" I ask and she takes a deep breath. 
"She hurt you, yes. But that was months ago. Things change and you're both healing. She's admitted to it and owned up to it numerous times and is trying to be a better friend to you. You can't linger on one thing people do to hurt you...you have to allow people to grow." She advises patiently. 
"I get that...I do. But she broke my trust, she betrayed me...what's stopping her from doing it again?" I ask, my attention on my lap. 
"Y/N...stop being so stubborn. You told me yourself she wants to earn your trust back. Let her show you she deserves it. If you push away every person that makes a mistake you won't have anyone." Hannah scolds me and I sigh, knowing she's right. I still don't feel like I'm ready to let Lizzie back in. We are doing well as friends and I don't want to mess that up.
"This is the weirdest fucking breakup ever." I comment and she laughs lightly. 
"I care about you, and I think you need someone that isn't me. We can be friends but...your heart isn't mine. It never was." She informs me. I hate it, but I think she's right. Now I'm glad we had this conversation before I could hurt her more. I hate hurting people.