Chapter 5: Tessa

                                    

                                          
SATURDAY
'Ready or not, Here I come!' I shout into the air after counting for thirty seconds. The bright, golden sun is shining down on our vibrant garden as I search for my daughter. Our yard isn't very big, so there aren't many places she could go. Hide and Seek is her favorite game.
'Hmmm... where can she be?' I sarcastically ask question out loud and hear her little giggle in the distance. She has to be behind the tree. I know it.
'Is she under the table? No... Is she hiding in the flowers? No...' I continue to speak as I approach the tree. Her sweet laughs are only growing more intense as I get closer.
'Is she... behind this tree!' I pop my head around the large trunk to see my girl seated against it. She yelps in joyous surprise as I capture her in my arms. We roll onto the ground, getting dirt all over our freshly washed clothes.
My fingers tickle her delicate skin, and she squirms beneath me.
-
Instead of being wrapped in the arms of my daughter, I'm clinging onto a pillow in my bed as I slowly wake up. I'm disoriented as I sit up and scratch at my eyes. Was last night just some crazy, horrible dream? The tenderness of my stomach and slight pain that still courses through me proves that it wasn't a nightmare. I lost my baby.
The sun is way too bright for 8:30 in the morning, which is around the usual time I would wake up to get an early start on my day, but now I don't see the point. How can the sun come out after such a tragedy? How can time continue? How can I wake up each morning and go on after knowing what I've lost? The reason why I should is laying right next to me... well, should be laying next to me.
He's not in bed with me. I remember falling asleep last night in his arms as I sobbed and sobbed. Jesus, I haven't cried like that in a long time, but I'm so grateful that Hardin was able to be here with me as a rock. I never needed him more than I did last night.
You have nothing to be sorry for.
That's all he repeated as I cried into his chest. 
My bones creak as I get out of bed in search for him. Worry passes through me as to where he could've gone. Maybe he had enough with all the negatives, and now this miscarriage has sent him over the edge. It's more evident now than ever that I can't provide him a child, so I wouldn't be surprised if he left me to go find someone who can. He loves me, I know that, but one person can only handle so much disappointment. The loss of this baby has numbed me to my core, but the loss of Hardin would completely break me inside.
I make my way to the kitchen first in hopes that Hardin would be eating breakfast, but it's empty when I arrive. I grab a glass from the cabinet and fill it with fresh, cold water. I walk over to the front window with my glass of water, taking small sips as I glance outside. Hardin's car is still in the driveway, so he must still be in the house. The door to his office is wide open and as empty as the kitchen. The door to the bathroom is closed, but the light is off so I'm assuming he's not in there. Everything is the same as it was yesterday when we left it. Except for the fact that the door to the nursery wasn't propped open last night...
I peak my head into the nursery to find Hardin sleeping on the floor. Unlike yesterday, the nursery is completely bare, and I assume that has to be Hardin's doing. The crib, changing table and small rocking chair that once existed in this room are now absent. Had he done this all night? After I cried myself to sleep, he must have come in here and taken everything down to spare me the pain of having to do it myself. God, I love this man so much, and I feel like shit for ever doubting he would leave me because of the miscarriage.