29. cut loose

                                    

                                          
the next few days that passed, ricky started attending his lectures less and less and he always seemed distracted by something else. he'd always write a bunch of little words in his notes app without thinking much of it, and he'd hum a melody under his breath that he just couldn't get out of his head.
at the moment, ricky was walking with lily. he'd texted her to talk, trying to comprehend this situation much more.
"so...are we going to talk or is this about who can walk in the most silence?" lily joked "if anything, you win,"
ricky exhaled a weak laugh and shook his head "um...listen, lily,"
"what's up?" she asked softly, taking ahold of his hand as they came to a stop. ricky looked down at their joined hands and pulled his out of hers, the girl's expressing contorting in further confusion
"i know...you probably had this idea that we'd get back together after my memories got lost in the accident," he began and laughed dryly "i thought so too, if i'm honest..."
lily opened her mouth to speak but he kept going
"but, we can't..." ricky whispered "i need to figure out who i am without all of this around me. i need to find myself, you know?"
lily stared at him for a few seconds and sighed heavily "you sure you don't remember breaking up with me?"
ricky furrowed his brows "why do you say that?"
"cause that's exactly how it went last time..." she replied
the man looked down "i'm sorry..."
"don't be," lily assured him "i figured this would happen, i guess...i'm not going to say i get it, but i'll try to."
she gave him a smile to which he returned before they continued walking down the sidewalk, soon parting ways for ricky to get back home.
he hadn't spoken to his mom yet, but today would finally be the day. he had a lot to say to her.
when he opened the door to the house, entering it and closing it behind him, he saw a glimpse of his mom sitting on the couch, reading a book with her glasses and ricky clenched his jaw before closing his eyes and taking a deep breath
'when the time you have with the people you love is limited, everything that comes with it, all the hardships...they don't matter.'
ricky slowly made his way to the doorway, showing himself for his mom to take notice as lynne looked up and quickly straightened up and removed her glasses
he hesitantly made his way to sit down next to her, exhaling slowly and rubbing his hands together "i'm leaving."
lynne blinked a few times before putting her book away "ricky, honey, not this again. i know what i did...was wrong. it was a horrible thing on my part, and i know it's the reason you're leaving but we're a family—"
"this doesn't have anything to do with you." he cut her off, shaking his head. he closed his eyes for a few seconds "when i found out...again. i was so...mad. i hated you. then somehow, i saw perspective. i realized that here, there's too many secrets. too many people telling me who i am. and it's my fault for believing it...but i need to figure out who i am. i'm leaving law school and i'm going to move into the city to find something else for me."
lynne sighed heavily "it's happening again." she muttered, pinching the bridge of her nose
"i'm not mad anymore, mom." ricky said "i forgive you. i love you, but i'm not going to let you choose my own life for me."
lynne glanced at her son before nodding slowly "i understand."
he looked back and nodded, not saying another word before standing up slowly, making his way out of the living room and up to his bedroom.
he had a lot of packing to do.