Chapter 19

                                    

                                          
Dawson snuck out sometime when the sun was coming up. We agreed to meet at the old oak in a few hours and spend time wrapped up in each other until the very last possible second. 
    I don't think we slept at all last night so I'm groggy and empty from the last 24 hours but manage to pack all my stuff away in the suitcases and duffle bags I came with. Now that I'm looking at it I have way too much shit. Who plans to come to a ranch with piles of skirts and high heels? The amount of beauty products I never used is absurd. The first thing I'm doing when I get home is cleaning out my closet. Never did I think I would become a minimalist but simpler has somehow become better. 
    Ugh... home. 
    The thought of being back in New York is so much more terrifying than I could have imagined. When I first got to Texas I wanted nothing more than to speed up time, now, I would die to slow it down, or hit the reverse button... over and over and over again. Home doesn't even feel like home. New York feels eons away like it's another life I lived one hundred years ago and not the place I grew up. I've become so accustomed to my every day life here in Vernon I don't know how I'll adjust. 
    Along with saying goodbye to Dawson, I plan on saying goodbye to the animals... the horses, chickens, the baby calf. Even the pigs. I'll miss the peaceful atmosphere even though it smelled like shit sometimes. Shit, I'll even miss the shit. 
    I laugh to myself. That joke will never get old. 
    A soft knock taps at my door. I say, "Come in."
    Becky sneaks her head in. I forgot all about Becky. I feel ashamed I judged her hard at the beginning. She turned out to be just what I needed at the most random of moments. She is supportive and a great listener. She loves the simple life and I love that for Wren. She gives great advice and in the perfect way. I appreciate her more than she will ever know.
    "Sorry to interrupt, Lexi... but... someone is here'ta see ya." 
    That's weird. "Who is it?"
    "You better come see for yourself." She's very uncharacteristically quiet. There's no chipper smile or lightness to anything about her right now. 
    "Is everything okay?"
    "Just... you'll wanna come down as soon as you can. Prepare yourself, Lexi."
    Now I'm scared. Actual fear rips through my organs and suddenly I feel like throwing up. Who could be here to see me? Dawson agreed we would meet somewhere else and frankly, there's no one else I can think of. Except for that cop from last night. Oh god. What if they decided to press charges and are back to pick me up? 
    But no... it's not the cop who is waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs. Nothing could have prepared me for this encounter. Both my parents are standing side by side, in the same room, in the same state, with the same grim expression plastered to their faces. 
    As Becky passes, Mom placates her with the stiff expression she gives people when she doesn't like them. 
    I stand at the middle of the stairs, not able to breathe. "What are you doing here?" 
    "I came to get you."
    "But... why? My flight isn't until tonight."
    "Not anymore. I changed it. We're leaving now."
    Anger boils deep in my belly. "No, I'm supposed to leave tonight. We're supposed to have one more day."
    "Do not clip your tone with me." She points with aggression. "I came here to make sure you make it home. To ensure you make it okay-"
    "You're joking right? You didn't come here to make sure I made it home alright, you came because you're terrified I was going to stay. If you're going to come all the way out here you might as well not lie to yourself." All my respect is out the window at this point. 
    "Okay let's take a beat," Wren looks between the two of us. He looks exhausted. I'm sure she had a mouthful to say before I came down here. He must be even more taken aback by her presence than I am. He hasn't seen her in just as long. I wonder what it's like for your ex lover to show up to your door unannounced after ten years. 
    "Don't start, Wren. If you would have done some actual parenting around here she never would have been in this position in the first place."
    "Don't talk to him like that," I snarl, "he did both of us a favor by letting me come here. You don't get to just walk in here and act however you want. He did more parenting in the last four weeks than you did in the last ten years!" 
    "Lexi Ann Hunter! What has gotten into you?"
    "What has gotten into you?! Why are you even here?! You're really that selfish you couldn't stand to give me just one last day with him?"
    "You don't need it. You'll never see this boy again after today. I'm doing you a favor!"
    "What favor?!" I scream, "you're ruining my life, that's what you're doing!"
    "You did that all on your own the second you decided to start dealing drugs-"
    "You see?!" I look at Wren. "She doesn't believe me." I never thought I would have to reach out to him for back up but I have no doubt he will be on my side. 
    "Mona," Wren hesitates, "Lexi is one'a the good ones. She didn't do nothin' to deserve this. Let the kids have their last day."
    She cackles into the air. "You really want her to suffer the same fate I did? And this boy, what's his name? Dawson? He'll be cheated on or left within the year."
    "Not everyone is like you, Mona. Some people stay and fight for the things they want."
    "That's the thing, Wren. This isn't what I wanted. I was blinded by love and it took years from my life. I'll be damned if the same thing happens to our daughter. My daughter."
    "I'm his daughter, too!" I yell. 
    "Doesn't matter. We're leaving. Grab your things."
    "No."
    She climbs the stairs in her ridiculously high stilettos. "You will grab your things, and come with me. Or I will call the cops and have them escort you out themselves."
    "Thats won't be necessary," Wren says from below but she doesn't listen. 
    "I'm not going." I shake my head fervently. "I don't want to go with you." 
    Her nails dig into my arm as she drags me down the stairs. "I swear to god I will send you off to an all girls boarding school in Timbuktu if I have to." 
    "Do it!" I try and pry her hand away. "It would be better than going back to living with someone as cold hearted as you."
    "You ungrateful little-"
    "Mona!" Wren steps between us. "That's enough."
    She steps up to Wren face to face. "If that little girl isn't outside with her things in ten minutes I am calling the cops."
    "I know every cop in this town, honey. They'll sooner listen to me than the likes'a you."
    "Like they did last night?"
    My jaw drops. Wren freezes.
    "That's right. I got a call from the station. They told me what happened. Looks like your parenting skills are just as absent as they were back then." She stares me down. "Ten minutes."
    Wren turns to face me with a slumped posture. 
    My heart breaks for him... for the both of us. "I'm sorry she's so mean to you." I hold back my tears.
    "Don't worry 'bout me. You don't have much time," he looks at me knowingly, "to say goodbye to the boy."
    I was so caught up in my rage it's just now hitting me that this is it. We don't get one more day. I have to say goodbye to Dawson right now. 
    I plow through the front door, ignoring the screams from Mom about where I'm going. I've never ran faster in my entire life. Dirt flings behind me, the wind blasts the water works streaming my cheeks. My heart is currently shattering to pieces.
    But wait. I slow my pace. What am I going to say to him? My first instinct is to spill my heart and soul, tell him everything about me wanting to stay. I want to beg him to beg me to stay because I would if he did. I will stay. I can feel in my bones that I would fight Mom tooth and nail to do it. So would Wren and so would Dawson. I want to cry into his arms about how she is forcing me to leave in this traumatic way...
    But what's best for him? I'm already scarred, weeping from the way we have to say goodbye. Will he be more heartbroken knowing I'm being forced to leave him in this manner? Our entire day to say a proper goodbye gone? Or should I cut it off early myself? Not give Mom any more power over this than she has. She doesn't deserve the satisfaction. 
    He deserves better. More than my drama. More than my dysfunctional family. More than me. 
    "Lexi?" Dawson swings open the door to his trailer after I knock. "I thought we were..." His face falls when he sees how distressed I am. 
   "Can we talk?" I ask. He gestures for me to come in. "Outside." I won't be able to compose myself if I'm in there. Too many memories will override what I'm about to do.
    "What's goin' on?" 
    "I'm leaving."
    "I know that-"
    "Right now. I'm leaving right now. I changed my flights. I want to go home."
    "You... changed your flight? But why?"
    "I told you, I want to go home." 
    "What happened to one last day?"
    I have to look away from his stricken expression. "This was the plan all along. We both knew this was coming."
    "Lexi." He reaches out for me but I pull back from his touch. "I can't touch you now?"
    "It's easier this way." To be the cold hearted bitch Mom raised me to be. 
    "You think leavin' early makes this any easier? There's no logic in that. I had this whole day planned out-"
    "I'm sorry, Dawson. This is the way it has to be." I want so badly to kiss him one more time, but I have to restrain myself. This is for the best. "It's for the best-"
    "For the best?" He starts to pace, rubbing his hand down his face in frustration. "For who? For you? 'Cause it sure as hell ain't for me."
    "You'll see... one day..."
    "So you... you want to leave me now? 'Cause last night you- I thought. I thought you'd want to stay... to stay here with me."
    A pang of despair trickles down my vertebrae, almost causing me to fall down. Hearing him so distraught is killing me. I do want to stay... I do. "We both know that wouldn't work. We want different things."
    "Bullshit." He latches onto my arms. "Why are you lyin' to me right now?"
    "I'm not lying. I can't stay... I don't want to stay."
    He paces again, this time stopping with his back to me in order to clasp his hands behind his head and lean toward the sky. I can tell from here he's breathing heavy. When he turns around his eyes are red and bloodshot. He's crying. He's crying for me. 
    "I should go-"
    "So what? That's all you have to say to me?!"
    I nod, even though everything I just said is the exact opposite of what I'm actually feeling. 
    "I don't believe you."
    "I'm sorry."
    "For what?!"
    "For leaving like this."
    "Then don't... Lexi, please."
    "Just promise me one thing," I step back, "don't wait for me."
    He calls my name several times as I push my legs faster than they can go in the wrong direction. I'm full on sobbing when I get back to the house. My bags are being packed into the car by the driver and Mom is standing looking furious than ever. I think I will hate her forever for this. 
    Wren is sitting on the steps. He looks up at me when I approach. Dawson's goodbye may have been hard but this will be harder. 
    I go straight into his arms. 
    He doesn't hesitate to embrace me back. I cry into his chest as he soothes me with kind, encouraging words. He brushes my hair and holds me up strong, he can probably feel how weak I am. 
    "Look at me." He shifts so we're face to face. "You are a strong, independent woman. The ball'a spitfire in ya will lead you straight through life no problem. I'm glad to call you my daughter."
    "I'm so sorry for everything," I cry. "I promise I'll call everyday. I want updates on everything. I will never go another year without knowing my dad. I love you so much, dad."
    His eyes water heavily when he registers the weight of my words. "I love you too, Lexi. You don't know how good that feels to here."
    "Lexi!" Mom yells as she opens the backseat door. 
    "I have to go." I hug him one more time, then race to the car so I can totally and completely break down. 
    I watch through the back window as his figure fades. At the same time that we pull down the drive Dawson comes running up, too. Only he doesn't stop at the house. He sprints after me. But it's no use when we turn the corner and the only image I have left of him is the boy I just wrecked for good, bent over heaving for air, crying my name. 
    The memories I have of Dawson and I will forever be the best part of me. Not only of him but this place... and my dad. I love them both so much. They took me in and molded my mind so I can grow up to be the woman I've longed to be deep down. As devastating as this goodbye is I'm left with so much love and happiness. 
    I may have grown up a city girl, but I'll always be a country girl at heart.