Pride

                                    

                                          
"The hell woman?!"
I crossed my arms, looked him in the eyes and said, "An effing babysitter do I look five?" I asked nastily my nostrils flaring he looked really confused.
"You mean Luke?"
"Yeah Luke or anyone else you kept posted outside of my bedroom for the past three hours!"
"They were just there in case you needed anything and you obviously did you made a phone call."
"Oh that's wonderful y'all talk about my daily activities do you keep a record of when and what I eat too?"
Mark just walked away from me into the bathroom after picking his briefcase up and putting it on the chair across the room. This is the most unfazed man I've ever met in my entire life. Nothing I say even registers with him.
I spoke loud enough I knew he could hear me in the bathroom, "I put things into perspective and this is all your fault, and you are going to take me home tomorrow."
He walked out of the bathroom his face all smug indignation, "I don't think you are in any place to make demands." He said as he laid out some clothes on top of the dresser.
I didn't know how to counter that so I just said, "My getting injured it's all your fault you know."
He turned to look at me and raised an eyebrow, "How is you falling down the steps my fault."
"I woke up out of the bed on top of you it freaked me out and so I ran like crazy away from you." 
Lies. All lies. I ran because I was thinking about my dream of Harold not because I wasn't enjoying the warmth of his chest. 
Even though it was a complete lie my voice actually seemed somewhat sincere. I was so surprised with how real it actually sounded. I looked at Mark's face to see if he believed it.
 He didn't not one bit. I could tell by the slight raise of his eyebrow and his relaxed unbothered position he knew I was lying entirely through my teeth.
After that we didn't really speak. I curled up in a ball on top of the bed and shivered. I simply could not warm the sheets up and it didn't help that my mind was just racing with things I should say to him or what I could do to get away.
It was practically dark outside so I laid back on the cold covers and weighed my options either tough out another night in the cold most likely riddled with nightmares of Harold or ask Mark to sleep in bed with me for body heat.
 I really can't risk another panic attack so I swallowed hard and told myself my wolf said, 'just ask him to lay next to you, you know he wants to,  just act as if the fight didn't happen.'
Mark was in the bathroom brushing his teeth the second he finished I sat up feeling light headed with my quickness swaying a little bit in my spot I said, "uhh so um Mark uh would you um like would you be willing tosleepnexttometonightsoIdon'thaveanightmare?" A small slightly prideful smile played on his lips.
 uh oh.
"huh?" He said acting as if he really didn't get what I just said.
I played with my hands I expect him to be mad about me blaming him for my issues even though they partially are his fault. I was mostly just upset in general and I blew up. I just don't want him to laugh at me. I sighed then said,"So I don't have another nightmare, would you mind laying next to me tonight?" 
"On one condition... you have to admit you enjoyed laying on me. We both know you did I know your tell when you lie so it was obvious to me but I want to hear you say it out loud."
My mind was racing again I have a tell? what is it? That was my immediate thought probably just put there by my mind to make me think of anything else but Mark's proposition because I know my pride won't allow me to admit that to him just thinking about the overwhelming embarrassment that would cause especially because I did enjoy it a lot and I'd like to do it again but saying that out loud seems impossible.
I just stuck my nose in the air and turned away from him he grabbed the blanket off the bottom of the bed and his pillow and went to lay on the floor.
When the lights were out I started to have second thoughts my anxiety grew by the minute. The giant freezing bed wasn't helping. 
There was some comfort in my old scratchy blankets and rickety cot. The blankets here were like silk and the bed was so soft my whole body melted in but it's not familiar.
I told myself just to toughened up relax and fall asleep so much you would think it was my mantra. 
I shivered again I know I can't possibly be as cold as my mind is making me feel but my teeth started chattering. I really couldn't help it when I began to cry everything just seemed so crushing.
 Deep down I'm pretty sure I know I'm already attached to Mark whether I want to be or not and that's scary because while you get a more secure, stable life with your mate there is something freeing about being all alone and it's just terrifying that I might not even get a say in what happens to me.
I started crying harder and instantly covered my mouth to soften my cries. I tried with everything I could to stop but I couldn't. How embarrassing. I lose a fight that I even tried lying to win and now I'm crying like a big baby over nothing but stress.
My nose is now clogged and there is no possible way Mark doesn't know I'm crying it's dead silent and I keep hiccuping and sniffling. 
Just then I felt the bed dip and I could smell   Mark as he eased into the bed behind me and pulled me to his warm chest without a word.
I covered his hands around my stomach with my own. After a couple deep breaths I spoke, "You were right... I did like laying on you I'm sorry for lying."
His deep voice rumbled behind me, "I'm sorry too, just don't cry."
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