23. this is the last time

                                    

                                          
nini blinked a few times, trying to comprehend what the woman before her had just said. or rather trying to make sure that she had heard her properly.
'divorce?'
the brunette girl shook her head and let out a nervous chuckle "i...i'm sorry?"
lynne nodded "listen, i know you have this idea of yours on who my son is. but he's back to how he's supposed to be. he's happy here. don't you think that maybe if you loved him, then you would want him to be happy?"
nini scoffed, sitting up a little straighter "i'm fighting for us because i love him. and i know he loves me. no matter what sick and twisted manipulation you're bringing onto him."
lynne raised her eyebrows "excuse me?"
"no, i'm not totally finished." nini replied angrily, though she ensured to keep a calm composure and not to cause a scene "you just want ricky back here to fill him with lies and paint a huge picture that depicts the fake life you're trying to show. to cover up the secrets that drove him away."
"i am doing this because i am his mother and care-"
but nini cut her off with a bitter laugh, the fury rising within her "let me ask you something, if you claim to be such a...familial woman. why did it take your son to lose his memory in a car accident for you to come after him and talk to him again after three years of silence?"
when nini was met with no response from the woman, she nodded, keeping her head held high as she stood up from the chair and left the bar, making her way to find ricky as soon as possible.
she felt her breathing become short and her emotions were overwhelming her once again. there was a voice in her mind - two of them in fact. one contradicting the other. fighting over what to do, because though she didn't show it, lynne's words got to her. nini had to keep reminding herself that what was best for ricky was her. her, in new york city with their friends. she had to think of those three years. three perfect years of them being the happiest they'd ever been. but whenever she did, that opposing voice reminded her that now, those memories were all just that. memories. they weren't reality anymore. and maybe he wasn't going to get his memory back any time soon. maybe they just weren't meant to be.
with a dagger in her heart, nini exhaled and rushed to the nearest door, abandoning the idea of finding ricky and needing air desperately.
as soon as she was outside in the cold, she let out a heavy, struggling breath. her hand cluched at her chest where her heart was and she heaved a sob, closing her eyes tightly to try and control herself but she couldn't. 
she continuously wiped her eyes carefully, trying not to smudge her makeup and making the best attempts she could at stopping her cries, leaning forward to take deep breaths.
when she stood upright after many minutes, nini kept her eyes closed and continued to focus on her breathing before turning around, suddenly coming to a stop when seeing that lily was standing there.
"cute outfit." the blonde girl said with a smile. one that nini knew was entirely fake
"thanks." nini mumbled nevertheless, trying to walk past her but lily folded her arms, staying in nini's way "i'm just trying to go look for ricky."
"what makes you think he wants to be found by you?" lily asked, tilting her head to the side
nini swallowed hard and looked down before shaking her head "you're enjoying this aren't you?"
"what do you mean?"
"this. ricky losing his memory. because you think that with me gone, you'll have him back."
lily grinned, exhaling exaggeratedly "i mean, i didn't really think about it...but now that you mention it, yeah. i kind of am enjoying it."
nini glared at her before nodding, pushing the pain down "you know, ricky told me a lot about you."
"did he now?"
"yeah!" nini smiled sweetly, taking a step towards lily "when we first started going out, he told me all about the engagement and relationship he had with you. how he'd spend his days wondering what he would do with his life and at night he'd lie awake and look at you thinking 'is this all there is?'"
lily clenched her jaw and her eyes darkened with rage "did he? tell you everything?"
nini stayed still as she kept going 
"did he also tell me he threw himself at me the other day?" 
nini froze in shock and felt her heart stop, falling to the pit of her chest. 
"or..." lily said with a sly smirk, stepping closer to nini "did he stop telling you everything the moment he forgot who you were?"
before the girl could process what she was doing, she punched lily in the face, causing for her to fall to the ground in pain while a crowd of gasps erupted around them at the realization of what had just happened. 
nini looked around her in surprise at her actions and swallowed hard, catching ricky's gaze in the crowd for a split second before she took off, running down the path as fast as her legs could take her.
"NINI!"
the girl ignored ricky's calls to stop as she kept running, panting heavily as she took a turn into a garden, trying her best to get away from him.
"NINI WAIT!"
when nini arrived at a dead end she halted in her tracks, shaking her head in frustration to not being able to get away as she pushed the tears back, hearing ricky's fast paced footsteps catching up with her.
"nini..." he began exhaling "why did you do that?"
"i'm sorry." she said shortly, still not turning around
"you don't sound sorry!"
"are you sorry?" she questioned, turning around to face him
ricky furrowed his brows "w-what?"
"are you sorry you kissed her?" nini asked. the words burned her throat and mouth as they rolled off her tongue for him to hear. she hated that this was reality.
the curly-haired man stayed still and he stared back at her "that's...that's not fair—"
"not fair?!" she exclaimed 
"i barely know who i am nini!" he yelled "i was still trying to figure things out."
"what if you never do?" she whispered weakly
"what?" 
nini wiped a tear falling down her cheek and shook her head, scoffing "who are we kidding? your memory isn't coming back. you're just getting more and more confused the more i stay around you..."
ricky opened his mouth to say something, but he didn't know what to say to that. because she was right.
she shuddered a breath and looked down, glancing back up to his eyes as she let a few more tears fall "h-how do you look at the man you love, and tell yourself it's time to walk away?"
ricky frowned at her and felt his eyes sting. he hated that he made her feel like this. she didn't deserve it.
"i'm sorry." he croaked "i just...i can't-"
"i know." she whispered 
they both stood in silence, the cold breeze and crickets as the only sound surrounding them before nini mustered up the courage inside of her to begin to walk away.
just before she was out of sight, ricky took a deep breath "nini..."
she stopped and turned around, avoiding his gaze. she knew if she looked into his eyes that she wouldn't leave.
"i hope someday that i can love someone the way you love me." he breathed out
nini took a deep breath and nodded "you did it once...you'll do it again."
and with that, ricky watched her disappear, feeling a tear subconsciously roll down his cheek.