The New Kid (Not The 'Baby Goat' Kind Of Kid)

                                    

                                          
  "Percy!" Chiron called through his magic announcement megaphone thingy. "Please report to the Big House!"
  Connor and Travis opened their mouths. 
  "Before you ask, Stoll brothers, Percy is NOT in trouble." Chiron added.
  Percy ran to the Big House after eating his blue pancakes.
  "Hello, Percy." said Chiron. "This is Arthur Hall, from Germany. I would like you to show him around camp. He hasn't been claimed yet, so put him in the Hermes cabin for now."
  Arthur looked at Percy. Percy looked at Arthur. The kid glared at Percy. He looked a lot like King Arthur from The Sword in the Stone movie, which was probably why his name was Arthur. 
  Percy didn't know why, but he seemed to hate this guy. He didn't know why, it was sort of like an instinct. Half of his brain was screaming at him to get away from Arthur, preferably on the other side of the state. The other half was telling him, in Annabeth's voice, that the first half of the brain was being a seaweed brain (Get it?) and the kid standing in front of him was totally harmless.
  Percy did what any normal person would, and trusted the side of his brain that sounded like his girlfriend. 
(The rest of this chapter will be the very long tour. If you know you're gonna fall asleep, don't read)
 Percy led Arthur to the big rectangle-ish shape that was formed by the cabins.
  "That's the Ares cabin, the red one. Don't mess with the Ares kids, especially Clarisse, or you'll probably end up locked in a Porta-Potty or something. When I first got here, Clarisse tried to dunk my head in a toilet. Also, look out for the land mines they sometimes put around it.Those are the Big Three cabins. Zeus, Poseidon and Hades. They're pretty easy to remember. Zeus' cabin is the one with all the lightning bolts and stuff. Sometimes Jason-he's a Roman, son of Jupiter and one of my best bros-comes over to visit, then he stays there. Poseidon's cabin is the one with the fish. That's where I stay! Pretty lonely. The Hades cabin is the one with the creepy death aura. Usually people steer clear of it, because Nico stays there. People think he's creepy. He's not. He just doesn't like socializing. Sometimes Hazel-another Roman- visits and forces Nico to eat more than three grapes a day. The Demeter cabin is the one with a grass roof. Be careful when you go near it, they plant giant Venus Flytraps around it to keep the Hermes kids out. The Hera cabin looks pretty normal, because nobody's in it. The Hephaestus cabin likes building stuff, then blowing it up. Don't ask me what the point is, I have no idea. The Apollo cabin is the golden one. Don't look at it for too long, or you'll go blind. The Artemis cabin's over there. The only people who sleep there are the Hunters of Artemis. sometimes their leader, Thalia-daughter of Zeus- sleeps in the Zeus cabin. Athena's cabin-the one with the owl- is full of super smart kids, like my girlfriend, Annabeth. The Aphrodite cabin's kids are obsessed with beauty, hence all the makeup and jewellery stuck on the roof. The Hermes cabin threw them up there as a prank yesterday. We're waiting for Jason to come here again so he can get them down, since we don't have a ladder. The Dionysus cabin is the one with the grape vines.  That's the Hermes cabin, where you'll be staying. Yeah, that big one over there. It's the biggest because it needs to hold all the new campers that haven't been claimed yet. Say, how old are you?"
(Phew, that was hard to write.)
"16." Arthur hadn't said anything during Percy's lecture on the cabins.
"Hmmm, then you should probably be claimed in these 2 days."
  Percy continued talking. "There are more, like Nike, Hecate, Tyche, Iris... Their cabins are still under construction, over there."
  "In the middle is Hestia's Hearth, make sure to say hi to her from time to time, she's the girl tending to the fire." Percy waved to a girl about 8 years sitting next to the fire. She waved back.
  "That's the dining pavilion, where we eat our meals. They're served by nymphs. Remember to scrape some of your food into the fire. It may sound weird, but the gods like the smell, apparently."
  "The canoe lake is where you, well-canoe. The naiads live there and like to flirt with guys. They nearly dragged me underwater once."
  "The forge is where campers-usually Hephaestus kids-make weapons and armour and other metal stuff. It's where you bring bits of metal Hephaestus dropped from Olympus."
  "The armoury is where you find armour and weapons and gear up for battle. "
  "The Big House is where you were just now, before you met me. It's where Mr D, the camp director and Dionysus, and Chiron, the centaur, live. It's also where the camp meetings are held. The attic used to be where the old ghost Oracle lived. Nobody goes there anymore, except the Stoll Brothers to pinch some stuff."
  "The volleyball court is where you play volleyball. You can usually find the Nike twins, Laurel and Holly, there playing volleyball and generally arguing about who's the best."
  "The strawberry fields are where strawberries are grown. Then our camp trucks transport them into the city and sell them. That's how we get money for camp T-shirts and stuff."
  "Here's the amphitheater, where we do campfire singalongs around the campfire. The campfire changes colour depending on the mood!"
  "The archery range and combat arena is where we practice archery and swordfighting, you know, to get ready for battle."
  "The pegasus stables is where we keep pegasi, if that sounds cool, remember that we have to clean it too. Ugh."
  "If you want a challenge and a high death risk, the climbing wall is the place you wanna be. It's really high. That doesn't sound too bad, right? I forgot to mention the lava below you. If falling off the wall doesn't kill you, the lava will."
  "The arts and crafts block is pretty much one of the safest places in the whole camp. It's exactly what it sounds like, and the only danger is demigods stabbing each other with knitting needles and scissors and strangling you with yarn."
  "Half-Blood Hill is actually an entrance to CHB. It's really easy to spot because of the pine tree with the Golden Fleece hanging from it, the sleeping dragon-his name is Peleus-and the giant statue of Athena, the Athena Parthenos. Yep, the real thing."
  "There's also the cave of the Oracle. The Oracle's one of my friends, Rachel. Don't sit too close to her-sometimes she'll spew smoke and start reciting prophecies.
  "Those are the woods, they're really dangerous. In there is Bunker 9-sort of like the forge-, Zeus' Fist (or the Poop Pile), the myrmekes' lair-myrmekes are giant ants-, the grove of Dodona-talking trees-, the Council of Cloven Elders' meeting place-they're goats, don't ask-and the geysers. Before you ask, I have no idea what geysers are doing in the woods."
  "That's it with the tour. Okay, camp activities...On Wednesday there's capture the flag, and there are daily cabin checks. Cleanest cabin gets hot water shower privileges, dirtiest cleans the pegasus stables. Um...your cabin will tell you what the cabin's daily chore is. And...I think that's it .Any questions?"
  Arthur shook his head. A thought hit Percy (and me) on the head hard.
  "Oh...did you watch the camp welcome video and/or read Camp-Half-Blood Confidential? (I have and the book's great)"
  "Yes. Yes, I did." 
  "Nooooooo...There goes an hour (and 2 hours and a thousand words) down the drain."
(Well, that was rough. Word count: 1288 words. 1300 counting this author's note.)