chapter thirty-six.

                                    

                                          

                            

                                
                            
                              
                                  
                              
                              
                                
                                  
                                  
                                
                              
                             
                            
                            
                          
                          
I needed to win Oceana back. But I fucking didn't know how. Instead of negotiating with the New York famiglia, I'm here fixing the things I did wrong. I didn't even know if it was a good idea, the way her uncle looked at me. Or the way how I was here after I agreed that I should give her a week before I find her. It hasn't been a week, either.
It was like hhe didn't want me here.
Fuck, I wouldn't want myself here, too. 
Never in my life did I want anyone's blessings, or any fucking thing. But for some reason, I wanted theirs. May looked at me like I was her son, but there was also another emotion, like she didn't want me taking Oceana away from her. I wasn't going to do that.
I sighed, rubbing my hands together.
What the hell was I doing? Knocking on their door at four in the morning. Oceana was the reason, of course. Always her. 
"Why'd you marry my daughter?" A voice almost made me jump. It was Rodriguez, Oceana's uncle. In my forty-three years being alive, no one has scared me most except for her uncle. Maybe it was because of how his eyes are like knives, or the way he'd judge me when I'm not looking. 
He leaned on the wall, no emotions written. Just like me. 
I couldn't say the word yet, because I didn't know if it was true. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out.
He scoffed, "D'you marry her for fun, boy?" 
I shook my head, barely exhaling. Talk, you dumbass. 
"Then what?"
Because she makes me feel things I don't understand, and I want to understand.
"I don't trust you. Man to man, what you did was stupid, but I can't do anything about it. She loves you, and that's what I want for her." She loves me. Rodriguez threw a pair of pants and a shirt that I caught. "Wear that, then we set sail." 
I nodded, then he left.
Something stuck out to me the most. She loves me.
I chuckled softly, how could someone love me? That's just... stupid and immature. Does she not realize that loving me can end her? Did she not think of the consequences of loving a man, no, a monster.
Maybe she was joking, because no one would ever.