Chapter 23.

                                    

                                          
*Warning for disturbing content*
                          
Harry:

                          
How?
                          
How can you possibly be this unlucky? Just yesterday we were kissing and having the most amazing time ever, but here he is now right in front of me. Telling me how last night was all just a big drunken mistake. He is going on and on about how he was intoxicated and in no control of his actions. For some reason he is trying his best to imply that he has no possible feelings for me.
                          
I just nod and stare at him blankly. Everything turns mute all of the sudden and I'm not even listening to him anymore. His lips are moving but I don't hear a sound. I feel so empty inside. So numb. It's like I knew this would happen. I knew that no one could ever love me back. I knew it was too good to be true. I knew all along.
                          
My ears suddenly get their focus back on him. He is talking about how he wants everything to go back to normal and just put last night behind us. It is honestly the last thing I want to do, but I nod anyway. This isn't a mutual decision. The fact that he regrets it ruins absolutely everything.
                          
"No hard feelings I hope?"
                          
He says at last, trying to make his long speech end somehow. I shake my head and force a smile. He seems convinced and relieved. He gives me a friendly hug and I barely hug him back. I just stand stiffer than ever as he pats my back and walks away. My eyes follow him as he exits the kitchen, leaving me in pieces.
                          


                          


                          


                          


                          
Insomnia.
                          
1. Inhability to obtain sufficient sleep.
                          


                          
Sleep. All I want is sleep. I need to rest. I deserve a break from everything. Sleep is so wonderful because that's when you're numb in the best way. When you're asleep, you're not hurting, you're not crying, you're just... Nothing. And I'd rather feel nothing than feeling this horrible pain aching through my entire body.
                          
I'm seated by the window in our living room. With red dried out, tired eyes, I look out. It is raining and every time it thunders my entire body shivers. There's something so calming and secure about rain. Usually, a rainy day is all I need for a good night's sleep. But these days I seem to need something more. Some human contact. The warmth of being in the arms of someone that I adore. Louis.
                          
I reach for the handle on the side of the window, cracking it open just a bit. The chilly wind breezes through the tiny little crack, causing my skin to creep. My eyes turn to the clock on the wall. 4.30. Dear god. Am I ever going to fall asleep?
                          
I decide to give it another try. I walk over to the mattress on the floor and cuddle up underneath the sheets. My eyes turn extremely heavy but I fear to close them. Cause once my surroundings are unseen, my mind brings back horrific memories. Things I just want to forget. But I have no choice. I have to sleep. I need to sleep.
                          
**
                          
"What's that?" My sweet mother's voice asks concerned. Young me stops halfway through the front door. I drop my backpack and force myself to walk towards my mother. She's down on her knees to get in my height. Ashamed to look her in the eyes I keep staring down. She carefully reaches for my arm and I flinch as she touches the wounded area. My arm is bruised and I don't even want to see the look on her face right now.
                          
"What happened? Who did this to you?"
                          
I slowly raise my gaze. I want to tell her the truth but my lips are sealed. Especially when I see the two eyes I despite the most right behind her. He just stands there giving me a death glare. He shakes his head, telling me that I have to keep my mouth shut.
                          
"I fell..." I lie. She just sighs, plants a kiss on my forehead and stands up. She gives him a weak smile. *Oh no. Is he driving me to school again? No. Please no. Mom don't do this. Don't leave me in his hands. Please. I'm begging you* I scream inside my head, but no words come out. He then places his big hand on my shoulder and my entire body flinch at his touch. I want to cry but I can't seem to get any emotions out there. He then leads me out of our home and towards the car.
                          
We both get into the car and all I keep thinking is how to get out. But as soon as I sit down, he locks the car doors and puts both of our seat belts on. He starts the car and I'm sitting in a tense uncomfortable, scared type of way. When we get out of the neighborhood he parks the car somewhere abandoned. The place surely isn't my school. As soon as I realize that he isn't going to keep driving I burst out crying. I can't even look at him. I close my eyes and cry and cry.
                          
"Stop fucking crying!" He hisses. But it doesn't stop it. The tears keep rushing down my cheeks. I suddenly feel his strong hand grip my arm and I scream.
                          
"NO!" I shout and it somehow excites this disgusting man even further. A off-putting grin grows on his face as he starts tugging at my shirt and I just keep screaming, in hope that someone will hear me for once. "STOP IT! LET GO OF ME!!" I scream and scream.
                          
**
                          
"NO! LET GO OF ME! PLEASE!"
                          
I scream in a raspy loud voice. I open my eyes and see the familiar blue eyes staring back at me. It's Louis. His hair is soft and messy, his eyes are tired, and his skin is warm.
                          
"It's okay! It was just a nightmare!" He says in that soft hoarse voice that I adore so much. I melt as I see the obvious concern in his eyes. He must have heard me. I must have woken him up by all the screaming. I am sweating and breathing heavily. Before I know it i'm throwing myself in his arms, crying into his shoulder. He rubs my back gently, comforting me. "It was only a dream."
                          
He says, and oh how I wish it was.