eleven : feelings

                                    

                                          
As much as Christopher cared for Matthew, he couldn't tell his friends about it. It would make everything so much worse. He was struggling to put words to his feelings, it was all a mess to him. Maybe all he needed was to talk to someone.
The boys began to grow closer. They'd often be steal glances at each other and smile, team up in hockey, and help each other in class. Everything seemed to be working out but the tension between them grew. The lust built between them. Matthew needed help with a history assignment, he struggled and if his grade slipped anymore he would be benched until it got up. They met at Matthew's after practice to work on homework. 
"Can you help me with the history homework? I've never been so confused." Matthew sighed. 
"Yeah, What's confusing you?" Christopher asked. 
"Just everything." Matthew sighed again.
"Alright, all of the answers are in the book. You just have to read through a lot of it." Christopher chuckled.
All Matthew could do was stare at Christopher in awe. He was so cute when he was passionate about something.  
"Did you even hear a word I said?" Christopher grinned.
"Not a word." Matthew beamed, staring at Chris' lips. 
"Are you alright Grayson?" Christopher laughed. 
"Y-yeah i-im good." Matthew gulped. 
"You sure?" Christopher chuckled. 
"I just, really like you. And your lips look really soft." Matthew babbled. 
"Hey, it's okay." Christopher gave him a small peck on the lips. "better?" Christopher asked.
"Yeah. I'm sorry Mr. Wilson's history class just stresses me out." Matthew groaned. 
"It's okay, math stresses me out but I have you." Christopher comforted him. 
"Thank you." Matthew said. 
"You're welcome. Let me help you." Christopher expressed. 
They helped each other with homework until late. It was the weekend, so they didn't worry about it. 
"Damn it's late. I better call my mom and let her know i'll be home later than intended." Christopher expressed. 
"You're the best. Most people wouldn't even send a text." Matthew said. 
They were sitting in the living room now, looking at the beautiful view. Matthew's mom walked in. 
"Christopher, you're still here? I thought you'd be home by now!" She chimed in. 
"Am i intruding? because if i am I'll leave." Christopher blurted out. 
"No! No, not at all! It's really late, I see homework took a while." She said. 
"It has us beat." Matthew sighed.
"Why don't you stay the night? It's late and I know if you were my son I wouldn't want you driving by yourself." Matthew's mom suggested. 
"I could ask my mom." Christopher chuckled. 
"If she says yes, you're welcome to stay and make yourself at home." She said. 
"Thank you Ms. Grayson." Christopher thanked her.
"It's the least I can do for the boy who made sure my son got home safe." She chuckled. 
"Wait, you met my mom that night?" Matthew interjected. 
"Okay. I'm going to bed, love you!" She quickly exited the room.
"Love you too. We might go for a drive later." Matthew said.
"Be safe!" She yelled from the hallway. 
Christopher called his mom and she said it was okay.  They spent the next few hours marathoning movies Christopher hadn't seen before. They got bored and decided now was the time for a drive or at least sitting on the roof. They hopped in the car and went for a drive, they parked in an open field. Matthew got out of the car and shivered at the cold mountain air brushing against his skin. 
"Here." Christopher handed him the spare hoodie he had sitting in his back seat. 
"Thanks." Matthew kept that hoodie forever. 
They laid on the hood of Christopher's impala and stared at the stars. Matthew star struck with what Utah had to offer him once more. 
"Wow, the sky in the city is never this clear." Matthew said, looking at the breathtaking view. 
"It's always like this." Christopher said, gently taking Matthew's hand into his. 
"It's beautiful." Matthew said. 
"Can we talk about something?" Christopher asked. 
"Yeah. Whatever you want." Matthew reassured. 
"So. I am still struggling to put my feelings into words and as much as i love what we have going on. You can't tell anyone." Christopher said. 
" I understand. You don't owe it to anyone, you don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to." Matthew soothed. 
"I know, it just feels like i'm ashamed of you. I-I'm not i promise but, it's all so different." Christopher sighed. 
"I know how you feel. When I came out in New York, I was used. Every gay guy thought I owed them something, they'd only use me for a quick make out and then discard me." Matthew shared. " I don't want you to feel like you have to come out to anyone right away or at all. It's all up to you and frankly I'd like to keep it a secret for a bit longer." Matthew reassured him. 
"Are you sure?" Christopher asked. 
"Yes. I'll wait for you to be ready. Until then we don't have to do anything public, maybe we could sneak around." Matthew chuckled. 
"I'd like that." Christopher chuckled with him.