monster

                                    

                                          
*AUTHOR'S NOTE; heyyy. this chapter is super long, lol. tw's; reader self harms in this chapter, and there's a flashback of when reader self harmed for the first time. there is also physical and verbal abuse in the flashback. torturous ways of death are also mentioned. please be careful if you're triggered by this, remember to take care of yourself. also, i promise that there will be another eren pov chapter soon. anyways, enjoy brats!*
Is the girl staying with Connie?" Pixis asks as you and Jean get back into the plane.
"Yes, sir." Jean replies.
"Hopefully Captain won't mind."
"Oh, it's fine." Pixis says as he start the plane.
"He'll get over it. I mean, that must be her best friend if she wants to stay with him."
"It is her best friend." you say.
"They're practically inseparable. I'm glad they're reunited."
"Yeah, now Sash can explain all the shit going down with Moblit, Colt, and Eren." Jean says as the plane takes off into the air.
"Well, when Connie's finally able to stay awake for long enough."
"Oh, y/n. I want to ask you, what is your relationship with that Eren boy?" Pixis asks.
"Huh?" you ask back.
"It's just very obvious you care a lot for h-"
"HUH?" Your ears are ringing, and loudly, too.
"I CAN'T HEAR!" you shout. You can tell Jean is talking to you, but all you can hear is static.
"JEAN, I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" you shout.
"Can you put your fingers in your ears and yawn? It might help."  You do so, trying to regain your hearing.
"There. Much better. Thanks."
"Yeah, no problem." you say out loud.
"Huh?" You hear Jean ask.
"I- what?" you ask, tilting your head.
"Are you good, dude?" Jean asks.
"Yeah, popping my ears helped. But why the hell did you say thank you?" you ask. Jean furrows his brow.
"What are you talking about? I didn't tell you to pop your ears." he replies.
"Y- you didn't?"
"No..."
"Oh. I must've been thinking it." you say.
"Y/n... are you okay?" Jean asks.
"Yeah, yeah." you reply.
"I just feel a bit tired right now. Uh... what's happening?"
"Pixis asked what Eren is to you." Jean replies.
"Oh, Eren's my boyfriend, sir."
"No way you're still considering him a boyfriend." Jean scoffs.
"I will until I believe with certainty he isn't on our side." you stay back. You know you're clinging onto what looks like a hopeless wish at this point, but you don't care.
"Ah, so you do care for him quite a lot." Pixis says.
"I thought so. I can almost feel how much you love him."
"I wouldn't go as far as love right now." you say back.
"I hate him right now."
"Yeahhhh, you do. But... do you?" Pixis asks.
"Yeah, I do."
"Well, of course you do, look at what he did. Then again, that love you have for him is far stronger. Don't even try to tell me no, it was obvious today when we pitched someone eating him to obtain his titans."
"I-"
"AHHHH! No, don't even try. No need to try to pretend you don't." You sigh, knowing Pixis is right. You want to hate him right now, but you can't. No matter what excuse you try to make, you can't stop loving him.
"I definitely think it's super weird." Jean says.
"I mean... he's shown so much love towards you, y/n. All those poems... the fuck did he do? Steal them from another author or something?"
"I don't really know what to think." you say, feeling a headache coming on as Pixis continues flying back to the cabins.
"I have a feeling that we're gonna get attacked again soon." Jean sighs.
"Which means even more of our comrades are gonna die."
"Maybe let's not think about that." you sigh.
"Let's just hope we can get this over with soon."
"HEEEEEYYYYYY! WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU GUYS!" Hange yells as you, Jean, and Pixis walk out of the plane together.
"Where's Sasha?" Levi sternly asks.
"Still at the hospital with Connie." you reply.
"She wanted to stay with him." Levi lets out a loud sigh.
"Seriously?" he asks.
"So we're down another solider?"
"LEVI! SHUSH! WE GOTTA TELL THEM!" Hange exclaims.