TP&FE: ACT 4

                                    

                                          
Act IV
(The scene opens on the desolate amusement park once known as Lard World. Phineas, Milo and the gang are forced into the park.)
Buford: Well, this stinks like yesterday's shorts.
Milo: Wait a second, why haven't they replaced us with plant replicas?
Pistachion 11: Oh, we don't need to do that anymore. You're going to be MULCHed. Bum, bum, bum!
(They walk over to the M.U.L.C.H. device from Act I, which opens up revealing a rather sinister looking device.)
Derek: We're on in five, people! And five, four, three, two...
(The weather forecast on TV is interrupted.)
Derek: Hello, humankind. It's time. Time for a change. No longer will we be wearing silly rubber masks. Prepare to fall before my M.U.L.C.H. machine! Which stands for Machine Used for Literally Converting Humans... To Plants.
Baljeet: What about those last two letters?
Buford: Yeah. Shouldn't it be M.U.L.C.H.T.P.?
Derek: The T.P. is silent!
Phineas: Wait! You don't have to turn us into plants. There's gotta be a way we can coexist. I mean, haven't you seen the bumper stickers?
Buford: Yeah. I promise I'll never eat at a salad bar ever again.
Baljeet: You never do anyway.
Buford: Yeah, but they didn't know that till now, Mr. Blabby McMouthenson!
Baljeet: That is not my name!
Milo: (strictly) Let everybody go! (politely) Then we'll... y'know, figure something out together.
Derek: Start with him!
Pistachion 12: Uh, sir, we're gonna need another minute. We had to switch over to the HDMI cables when we shot that video, but now we're gonna need to... (continues)
Derek: Oh, for plant's sake. Okay, in five minutes, you're all plants!
Milo: We will stop you!
Derek: Oh, yeah? You and what army?
Milo: That army!
(From the air, Doofenshmirtz, Dakota, Cavendish, Orton, Agent P, and the Dakota paradoxes come to the rescue and arrive on the scene)
Doofenshmirtz: Woohoo! So here's what I figured out: I'm not the environment, but you are!
(They squirt orange soda at the Pistachions.)
Doofenshmirtz: See? Be-Because you're plants. The power of orange soda repels you! The power of orange soda repels you! The power of orange so... It's... It's too long for a catchphrase.
Derek: No. Cut! This is all wrong!
Isabella: (as she appears in Rambo-esque clothing) Whatcha doin', all tied up like this?
(Isabella and the Fireside Girls free the others.)
Phineas: Isabella! Oh, I'm glad to see you!
(The Dakota paradoxes' glider rams into a group of Pistachions and they head into battle.)
Dakota Paradoxes: For Cavendish! 
Derek: Get them!
(The Dakotas and the Pistachions battle each other, while Derek throws a stone at Doof's glider. He and Perry fall out. Agent P saves him just in time. A Pistachion goes after Cavendish and Dakota.)
Dakota: Hey, don't do that! If you die, I don't have the time machine to go back and un-die you!
Cavendish: And if you get hurt, I don't have one either!
Orton: Aw, that was touching.
(Orton sprays an oncoming Pistachion with orange soda.)
Orton: Don't mess with Doctor Zo-
(His orange soda spray guns are destroyed.)
Orton: Who's Doctor Zone? I'm not Doctor Zone!
(As the Pistachions are sprayed from overhead, Cavendish, Orton, and Dakota catch up with Melissa and Zack.)
Cavendish: Murphy's friends? What are you doing here? Where's Milo?
Zack: We got separated in all the confusion.
Humongousaur, hitting the Omnitrix on his.. uh.. torso strap, becoming Upchuck: I'll eat our way out.
(They run away from the Pistachions.)
Derek: You! You humans there, well, you haven't won! In fact, your doom is at hand! A really big hand!
(The giant pistachion emerges from a big trap door and is about to smash them.)
Derek: Yes, crush them. Crush them!
(The giant Pistachion continues roaring, but then looks around at all the fighting and violence dramatically. He sees a Pistachion mourning his comrade, and a Dakota mourning his.)
Giant Pistachion: Wh- W... What have I become?
Derek: What?
Giant Pistachion: So much fighting.
Derek: What are you doing?
Giant Pistachion: Hurting people.
Derek: W-W-What is happening?
Giant Pistachion: Have I been chained up, underground for so long that I've forgotten compassion?
Derek: W... What are you-
Giant Pistachion: I gotta make up for this. Go out from here. Walk the land. Help people. (He puts on a baseball cap and carries a bindle stick and walks away.)
Derek: Fine! Go! Who needs you?! We're gonna win this without you, you ingrate! At least I still have these humans here to-
(What?)
Derek: And they're gone, too. Great. Real great. Fire the machine!
Pistachion 12: Yeah, yeah, in three minutes... tops. There's an adapter we needed.
(Another Pistachion arrives with a bag from Radio Barn as Derek puts his face in his hand.)