x 27 x

                                    

                                          

x DIOR x
I laid in bed, curled up underneath my covers as I ran through different scenarios to convince my parents to leave Redwillow. 
It's too hot here. Moving to another area of Houston could be beneficial to my mental health. I want to move closer to family. I'm being bullied at Northwest High. This side of town is just too stifling for me now. There aren't any good places to eat at.
I clutched my childhood stuffed animal, burying my face into the mostly faded scent of chocolate.
This isn't going to work.
"How are you doing sweetheart?" 
My dad pressed his body halfway through my cracked doorway. He had stayed home from work today to tend to his sweet baby girl. As an only child I was used to this type of attention. Missing a college basketball game that he needed to coach for, but still fixing me with his familiar, easy smile, my father always spoiled me.
"Better," I lied, rubbing my face against my stuffed animal. "Now, I know you aren't sick," he said, coming to sit on the edge of my bed. I felt defeated and drained. I didn't even have the energy to continue lying to him, but I also knew that I couldn't tell him the complete truth.
"You got me," I said weakly.
He stared at my dresser, thinking. I rubbed my finger along the softness of my toy, watching his face. The way time had aged his smooth brown skin into a fine older man. The way his face would forever remain in my memories. He was my father.
"I want to leave. I've done something and I won't be accepted at school anymore," I start sobbing. "I know you wouldn't really understand because it's been awhile since you've been in school and times were different back then. But, I'd be a loner at school and I'd be bullied if I went back. I already know-
"Devana," my father said my name softly.
"Daddy," I whispered, small and young once again. He pressed me against his chest like he used to when I was younger. "Never run away from your problems," he advised me. "But don't take up a fight you know isn't worth it. Don't stop fighting even if you don't think that you'll win."
"I don't understand," I rubbed away my tears.
He used his rough palm to caress my soft face, a fatherly gaze in his dark brown eyes. "If you don't want to go back to Northwest because you realize that this is a fight you can't fight, because you realize it wouldn't be worth it, then your mama and I will take you out of there." He stood up, holding my hand, "But if you want to try and beat against whatever is trying to knock my princess down, or whoever, then you can stay as long as you need."
"I'm not strong. Not stronger than her," I mumble, thinking about all the hell Demon could put me through. All of the secrets Laura would have access to by going to that party, because of my mouth. Losing Synara, someone I struggle to love because I'm so used to hating her. Disappointing my parents and being outcasted from the school.
"My baby can beat anything. You're sweet, and you're kind, and you're strong," he whispered.
But you don't know me, I want to say back. I've watched Syn hold a knife to a person's neck and I didn't speak up. I've let my own jealousy overcloud my judgment at some points. I've battled with Synara for years over Khloe, when she could care less. I stood by and watched as Korinthian was beat into the ground when I could have stopped my so called friends.
I am not the angel you know, I wanted to say.
Instead, I let my father kiss me on the forehead and leave my bedroom. I kicked my blankets off and went towards my closest, trying to find something to wear. For my father, I'll go to school this time. Even if it might be the last time I step foot in Northwest.
"Remember, Devana," he said, holding my door open a little again. "People can always change."
I stared at the black shirt in my hands from last night, thrown down in my quick attempt to finally get to bed.
But could someone like me change too?