015

                                    

                                          



outdoors, it was a winter wonderland. with non-stop snow starting in the middle of the night- continuing all the way until later tonight, the outside of my bedroom window was beautiful. perfect, untouched snow coated the ground as far as the eye can see.
i wouldn't have known, though. i had the blinds closed shut and laid under my giant comforter.
rue knocked on the door.
"you dressed?"
i waited a moment before answering.
"yea..."
"alight, then im coming in."
she opened the door and i sat up, turning to face her.
"the two of them are shoveling, so lets talk about this now."
i rubber my eyes and sighed.
"you didn't tell fez, did you?"
"no," she shook her head in reassurance. "but he'll find out sooner or later- you realize that, right?"
i nodded, staring down. the two of us sat in silence before rue finally spoke again.
"when did this even start?"
"uhm. when you guys made me go to that party a few months ago... oh- mckays party."
"what did you tell him?" i asked her.
"i said he was sleeping."
i nodded again.
"why does all of this matter so much to you? why is it all such a big deal?"
she sighed. "its just- its weird. you've been with so many people, its clear you aren't desperate to date. so, like, why him? like out of everybody there is you have to choose his brother."
her words upset me, but i knew she had a point. i knew i was putting my friends in a weird spot by getting involved with ashtray.
i didn't say anything back, putting my head in my hands.
"you're right, rue." i sighed. "god, you're so right."
she nodded.
"what do i do?"
she put her hands up. "im not getting in the middle of this, y/n. this is for you to sort out."
i sighed.
"but if you dont sort this out, and i have to get involved - i will."
she stood up from the foot of bed and exited the room, closing the door behind her.
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i stood at the kitchen counter brewing a pot of coffee when fez and ash cam bursting through the front door, covered in snow, shivering.
"fuck," fez huffed. "its fucking cold as shit."
the two groaned as they took off their snow gear and boots, shaking snow off of themselves.
"imma shower first." fez said as he walked down the hallway to the bathroom.
"ill kill you if you use all the hot water, fez!" ashtray yelled out to him. he turned to me.
"cold?"
he huffed. "very."
i laughed and poured myself a cup of coffee as he shivered and walked more into the kitchen.
"is this a fresh pot?" he asked me as i nodded.
"ill pour you some."
"thanks," he reached over me, grabbing a mug with one hand and putting the other on my shoulder.
i inhaled sharply through my nose and tensed up at his touch.
noticing, ashtray spoke, worried. "you okay?"
"yea," i laughed it off. "just scared me, i guess."
i began to feel extremely... aware of ash's touch. it normally wasn't something that bothered me- or even something that would cross my mind. but now...
"didn't mean to startle you," he laughed back. i took the mug he held out and poured the coffee into it, handing it back to him. he thanked me and walked out of the kitchen, sitting on the couch.
"sit with me" he spoke, kicking his legs up onto his coffee table. 
i sipped from my coffee, "im tired, i think im gonna lay down."
"you're tired," he laughed. "i just shoveled snow, for like, two fucking hours."
i rolled my eyes and sat down next to him, criss crossed with my legs up on the couch.
he sipped from the coffee he held in one hand and out the other hand on my thigh.
i bit down on my inner cheek. i was conflicted. something in me was curious.
i sighed and moved in a little closer to him. my leg pressed against his as his hand fell higher up on my inner thigh. his fingers grazed the hem of my shorts.
a sly grin crept across ashtrays lips that he tried to hide. he moved his thumb lightly around my thigh as he kept his hand firmly on my thigh as he sipped his coffee.
i put my coffee on the table and moved closer, turning onto my side against him.
he laughed, "what are you doing?"
i shrugged.
"i dont know. cold. tired."
he leaned froward and put his mug on the table.
"here," he put his arm around my waist and scooped me up, pulling me up onto his lap.
i sat in his lap with my knees on the couch, on opposite sides of his legs.
with his arms around my waist still, he pulled me in closer as i buried my face in his neck.
"what's gotten into you?"
"what do you mean?"
"i dont know, you're just..." i lifted my head up to face him.
i tilted my head slightly to the side. "im what?"
he smiled up at me.
"never mind."
he ran his hand through my hair, pushing it away from my face. he placed his hand on my cheek.
i put my hand on top of his. the two of us sat in silence for a moment.
there was a buzz in the air. a flash of heat came over the two of us.
ashtrays eyes went from her eyes to her lips. he thought about leaning in and kissingnher right then and there.
the sound of the bathroom door opening came from down the hall.
"ash!" fez shouted, breaking the moment. "im out of the shower!"
ash looked towards the hallway, hearing fez open and close his own bedroom door.
he picked me up and put me back down on the couch by myself.
"try and keep warm without me."
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