xv ⏪

                                    

                                          
FELIX carefully placed the last brownie on the plate and he smiled. He decided to go ahead and clean the dorm since he nothing left to do. Although today, the dorm wasn't quite very cluttered but Felix knew one room that was always a mess. 
Changbin's room.
The two would sometimes just lie on Changbin's bed if they both couldn't sleep and wanted to talk about their day. The older was completely fine with having Felix in his room. This thought had Felix slowly open Changbin's room and like he thought, the room was a pig sty. Like usual, his bed was unmade, scattered pieces of music thrown carelessly all over the floor and like usual, the area where his electric piano was spotless and had a very clean and clear area.
The boy immediately went to work. First he had made Changbin's bed, fully aware that it was not going to last. Then picking trash and chip packets, throwing them away and finally organising all the sheet music. A lot of it was original music by the older. The songs never failed to surprise the younger. A lot of it was dark but one caught his eye. A draft for 'Cause I Like You'.
Felix so desperately wanted the song to be about him. He couldn't stop thinking about their little kiss. He wanted Changbin to like him the way he liked the latter, but he didn't. Changbin was with Hyunjin. Not officially, but possibly soon. It would make so much sense. The two clearly had so much chemistry snd they seemed to like each other a lot. They were clingy and sweet to each other. Felix started to feel a little sick and helpless.
Why was he never good enough for anyone. He lied to everyone about why he was living in Korea. Education was one thing but the true answer was so much worse. 
~
Felix always knew he was different. He didn't have a crush on the most popular girl at his middle school Park Chaeyoung. Instead, he crushed on guys. He thought at the time it was all innocent and one day he would find a girl for him. 
He found that he got along with a few girls, some he would call very good friends, but never did he ever have any sort of attraction to them. One time a gal-friend of his told him that she had a crush on him, Felix out of respect did tell her that he didn't feel the same.
He got frustrated with himself, why was feeling like this? He was so awkward when he was around guys he found to be good looking, or kind or whatever trait that would please Felix. He finally came to the realisation that he was gay at the age of 16. From that realisation, he told his family. 
His sisters Olivia and Rachel were extremely supportive since they brought up suspicion for years. Felix was so grateful to his loving sisters, he wished we could say the same about his father. 
On one hand Felix's mother was confused but she ensured him that she loved Felix no matter what. On the other hand, Felix's father was outraged. He screamed at the boy yelling things like:
"You are a disappointment."
"I wish you were never born!"
"What kind of son did I raise..."
Among other slurs that made Felix feel like a knife was being stabbed into his heart over and over again.
From this outrage, Felix was to be kicked out of the house. Because his father 'didn't raise my son to be a fag' and he 'didn't want to his gay ass in his house'.
A few days later, he was officially kicked out. His mother tried everything in her power to let Felix stay. Didn't work. Felix didn't know what to do. He had no money, his father barely gave him anytime to pack his things, where was he meant to go? 
"I have booked a room for you at a hotel nearby, you can stay there for a little and you can study for this scholarship." She passed him a stack of worksheets and notebooks. 
"But this school is in Korea, I can't speak the language, I don't know the culture- what do I do?!"
"I know you can do it. I know you'll work hard and I don't think it's safe for you to be in Australia while your father is still here. I want you away from him as far as possible." His mother said urgently.
"I'll miss you my son..."
"I love you so much mum..."
"Goodbye..."
Felix packed the books away and he stayed in the hotel until finally he received the letter. He had won the scholarship and he would be given a dorm all paid for, only thing would be that he would have a roommate but at the time, that was the least of his concerns. 
If he proved he could be independent and excel in all of his classes, receive the highest scores, achievements and awards, there was a small chance that his father would let him come back to financial stability.
~
Now he was sitting on his roommate's bed, wondering what his life would've been if he had just kept his mouth shut, keeping his father happy and proud of him, living in Australia growing up with his childhood friends, his parents would've still been together and he would be with his family who he missed very much.
He would've never met Changbin and he would've never had developed feelings for the Lover Boy.