“There’s… there’s nothing today. I finished off the vodka a few days ago and I let Fiona borrow the switchblade for something. I’m alright, really.” Zoe and Madison both knew the words she had just uttered were a lie, but for now, they were content with just sitting in each other’s presence.
“Zoe, I need to tell you something, and I'm not sure how you’re going to take it...” Zoe felt blood rush into her ears at the statement, but she forced a smile onto her face and looked expectantly at the blonde, who was gauging her reaction under a microscope. Madison grabbed her hand and laced their fingers together, and the brunette felt a sense of peace wash over her tired body, expelling any negativity she might have had in her mind prior to this(for a while anyways). Her shoulders relaxed significantly, and the girl sitting across from her took this as an invitation to move forward.
“I think I’m gonna leave for a bit.. Try and go and see if I can find my siblings and all of that. I just wanted to tell you so you didn’t wake up one day and think I was abandoning you.” “but you are abandoning me.” that small voice inside of her head spoke, but she remained passive, afraid of showing any emotion in front of Madison. Zoe didn’t want her to leave, as selfish as it was to admit, she needed her because things felt far too overwhelming without her around, but at the same time she knew how important this was to Madison, and she couldn’t let her continue to torture herself with the what ifs. So as gently as she could, she grabbed the blonde girl’s hands, feeling her heart stutter inside her chest when her fingers wrapped around hers and squeezed.
“As much as I’ll miss you, I know that this is what you need for closure. Just promise to keep yourself safe alright?” Zoe advised, her voice shaking a little on the last word. Madison smiled at her and gently cupped her cheeks, pulling her closer to her so that their foreheads were pressed tightly against one anothers. The brunette felt like she was gonna disintegrate at the closeness of her, but she kept a steady grip on the blanket underneath her palm, fingers wrapping around the itchy material like a vice.
“I’m coming back for you okay? I’ll never leave you Zoe.” The words felt like an empty promise; tomorrow or even the next 5 minutes were not solidified, but the brunette knew that believing in even the smallest of white lies kept a person’s sanity intact, and god knew she needed to hold on to the bit of sanity she had left. As they sat there atop the itchy material of Zoe’s thin blanket, she had a feeling that things would be a lot different from here on out; she couldn’t decipher whether that was good or bad.



DAY 1215

She was slowly losing her grip on reality. It had been so long since she saw Madison’s voice, heard her laugh that it was truly driving her insane. Zoe began dissociating and the days began to bleed together, wasting away into nothing but dredges of memories. Things at the compound had been very quiet, and because Christopher was on a prolonged scouting mission, her days had been torture free. Zoe knew she had to be in a good mental health state to help out in case of an attack, but she was struggling more than she anticipated.
“You’re pathetic, you should have died instead of us.”
“Clara should have lived instead of you, you’re a disgrace to our family.”
“Mom and dad always loved me more than you, everyone always loved me more than they loved you.”
Zoe weakly pressed her hands against her ears, muting out the vicious and untrue thoughts holograms of her family were spitting at her. Though her sister had always been the golden child of the two, she knew that her parents loved her, even if it wasn’t nearly as much as they loved Clara. Fresh tears sprung into her eyes, but she was too weak to let them fall. She had been reduced to nothing but a raw and open wound, and infection threatened to overtake all of her senses. A knock at her door pulled her from her funk, and when it swung open, it revealed the familiar and kind face of Angelique, who she hadn’t interacted with much past mandatory group meetings.