love & honesty

                                    

                                          
Kaminari POV
I cry to myself as I walk back to my dorm, my gifts from my "secret admirer" still in my bag. I left the Pikachu and the roses in Nezu's office, the rage that built in my chest as I caught Bakugou on the security footage causing me to forget them. But as it turns out, all that rage was for nothing. Now I'm no longer angry, just devastated. 
After slamming my bedroom door shut, I slip out of my shoes and dive face first onto my bed, staining my pillowcase with the few tears I have left. I'll probably get into a lot of trouble for ditching my hero training today, but I can't bring myself to care. 
Flipping onto my side, I reach into the top drawer of my nightstand and pull them out. The letters I've received this week and have read over too many times to count. My lip quivers as I read them once again, the words hitting me differently now that I know the identity of the person who wrote them. 
I feel so stupid. Reading over these letters, I should've known that it was Kiri behind them all along. These notes are far too sweet to have been written by anyone else. I know I stormed out of the cafeteria crying when I learned the truth, but it wasn't because I was mad at Kiri. 
No, I'm only mad at myself. 
Poor Kiri wrote me these notes because of how I've been acting this week. He probably felt like he had no other choice due to how much I was moping around about being single. And then with my insistence of finding out his identity, no wonder why he kept trying to persuade me to let it go. I figure he was probably caught in a dilemma between wanting to keep me happy and wanting to keep me from finding out he was the one writing to me. I want to cry all over again thinking about how I put him in such a difficult position, but I'm out of tears.
However, there is one positive to come from this. Unlike if it had been Bakugou, I know for a fact that Kiri actually meant everything he wrote in these letters. Kiri has such a good heart, of course he's able to see the good in me despite all the bad. That does make things a little better. 
Even so, I can't help but be a bit disappointed. Guess I won't be having a valentine this year after all. Oh well, it's my fault for expecting anything different. 
*
I definitely feel better after my long nap, but I'm still in no mood to meet everyone for dinner or hang out with my friends in the common room. No, the only person I want to see right now is Kiri. 
I feel terrible. He probably thinks I hate him or something by the way our last conversation went. That can't be further from the truth. I don't hate Kiri. I can never hate him. But I'm scared to face him. What if things never go back to the way they were before because of everything that happened? That'll crush me. 
As I remain under my covers, my hair an absolute mess, too many thoughts run through my head. It helps dissolve some hunger pangs, but not all. And yet, I can't find the strength to leave my bed. 
Maybe I can take another nap and sleep all my problems away. Maybe this is all one excruciating long dream and when I wake up, Kiri and I will be back to cuddling on the couch like we usually do, and everything will be right again. 
Man, do I get delirious when I'm hungry. 
I'm so hungry that I'm even now imagining someone knocking on my door. Glancing at my clock, dinner started roughly twenty minutes ago. There's no way anyone is still at the dorms beside me. Stupid brain playing tricks on me again. 
But then, I hear his voice. 
"Denki?"
It's Kiri. I know I'm not imagining it this time because this is the first time I've ever heard his voice sound so broken. I could never imagine something like that even if I wanted to. My heart sinks as my worst nightmare is confirmed: what went down in the cafeteria today has taken a toll on my best friend. God, I feel awful.