09.

                                    

                                          
As I had promised to a certain black haired 22 year old Asian male, I had come into the cafe first thing this morning and set everything up. 
I dealt with rush hour by myself and the needs of customers that kept on coming in since this was the one day they all got off. 
I had talked to his 9 year old sister all day to give him some free time.
I did have a lot of help from Razan who had offered to pack some orders for me when the lunch hour hit. 
Said blacked haired 22 year old Asian male was now staring at me as he waited for me to answer a question I hadn't heard him ask.
"Hmm," I say as I grab my bag. We were both ready to leave.
"Are you going home after this?"
"Oh. Yes, I am. Why?"
"No reason," he says as he turns off all the lights, leaving me in complete darkness.
"Omar," I yell as I quickly walk towards the door. "Don't do that."
"Scared of the dark?" He arches his right eyebrow.
"Sort of. But you can keep that secret right?" I look at him with a straight face.
"I don't think that would really be a choice on my part," he says as he locks the door.
"You would be dead before you tried to say your next word," I reassured him.
"Remind me not to cross you," he mumbles.
This guy really always had a straight face. "Do you talk to everyone else like this?" I ask. My heart slightly speeds up as the words leave my mouth. 
I was always scared of confrontation, but wasn't it me who had promised myself that I would try to improve and heal? To put a step forward. 
"Like what?" He looks at me.
"Like that. Like you're not interested. You don't smile or anything and your voice makes me feel like talking to me is boring." Was that too far? I think that was too far. "I'm just sensitive is all. I'm probably overthinking."
I look up to find Omar still staring at me. That did it. I messed up. I shouldn't have-
"I feel like I don't really have the energy to smile most of the time." I stop myself from overthinking as he responds. "I know I can come off as rude because of it and I'm sorry. I just can't seem to find some sort of peace inside this little life of mine." I can hear his breathing in the cold December air. 
"Try to find the beauty in the smaller things," I respond, much too quietly. My heart was speeding up a little bit more. He was opening up to me?
"Hmm," he says as a means of a question.
"I said try to find the beauty in the smaller things. Sorry, I speak much too quiet a lot of the time. It's a habit."
"Don't apologize for that. It's my ears. I swear they're going deaf from the sounds of the machines at the cafe," Omar smiles at me encouragingly. I automatically felt more comfortable.
I vaguely remember thinking an airplane was above me one day when I had heard the sound of a whirling industrial fan when I was closing. "It is pretty loud in there, isn't it?"
He nods. "What would 'finding beauty in the smaller things' entail though."
"Like..." Looking around, I spot a lone flower and point to it. "See that flower? It's December and we're nearing freezing temperatures. Yet, somehow that little guy somehow survived. That's something to smile about. Or what about the sky," I say excitedly looking up. "Just looking at the sky always makes me happy, no matter what kind of mood I'm in. And it really makes you think - if this is how pretty this dunya can be imagine how beautiful Jannah must be? I mean they're both made by the same creator."
"I don't think anyone can imagine the true beauty of the hereafter. I've never thought of it like that," he comments.
"Most of us simply admire the beauty of things at the simplest level, yet we fail to understand the meaning behind it. For example, the moon. In my opinion it's one of the most beautiful things to look at. But the meaning behind it from our creator? That's what brings its true beauty out. I mean, I can stargaze all night but-" I realise what I'm doing and stop. I can feel a very slight heat rise to my face and thank Allah for only the dim fairy lights around us to see. "Sorry. I'm ranting."
I don't know what I was expecting from him, but it definitely wasn't a laugh. 
"You really should stop apologizing. If a person doesn't want to hear you talk about things that interest you, then they don't deserve you." He shrugs with both his shoulders. "And besides I was the one who asked you the question. I think it's amazing that you have this passion. I could really see it shine through in your eyes."
And that's when he smiles. I had seen him smile plenty of times before. But this was the kind of smile he would only give to Dua. It was genuine and there was happiness behind it. 
I looked down as his gaze had felt way too intense. I could feel his stare on me still so I murmured a quiet thank you. 
Well that was the end of brave Cyra for today. It might not have been a lot but I was proud of the improvement I had made.
"Of course." And then after a heavy pause, " Thank you for everything today. I really needed some rest and this conversation was helpful. I appreciate that you took some time to help me but, I have to go. Dua is probably getting restless by now but I'll see you tomorrow night?"
What was tomorrow night? 
Oh. The halaqah. He's going to that? I wave the question away from my head.
"Yup, I'll be there," I respond. 
"Try not to take a nap and be late to it," he calls behind him. I could hear the smile in his voice. 
Of course he still had the audacity to tease me over something that happened weeks ago.
I sigh, letting out a breath I hadn't known I had been holding.
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PRESS THE STAR BUTTON BAE IT ONLY TAKES ONE SECOND
life update 3 - RIP Nemo you will be missed
Do you think Omar is religious or do you think that he's a very 'playful' kind of person?
word count: 1,040
Date Posted: 02/14/2022