To be so lonely // s.b.

                                    

                                          
summary / Sirius Black sits in the regret of letting his jealousy ruin his relationship. When he falls too afraid to confront Y/N, she takes matters into her own hands.
                          
word count / 3k
                          
warnings / jealousy, abandonment issues, angsty break up, self loathing and insecurities. trust the process guys, fluff ending.
                          
------------------------ 
                          
Sirius roughly gripped his raven hair, fingers threading through it as his head fell down. He squeezed his eyes shut as he felt tears pool in his eyes. No tears, he had told himself. He was embarrassed, truth be told, embarrassed of his behaviour during your relationship months prior. 
                          
"He's my friend, Sirius." You had told him, "I love him and that's something you just have to deal with." 
                          
He backed off, nodded his head and shut his mouth. He saw the softness in your eyes, he knew you were loyal, but that didn't stop the pain in his heart when he saw you so close with another man. 
                          
Sirius pulled his hands from his hair and gripped the quill he had dropped on the table, he roughly grabbed another sheet of parchment and began scribbling the beginnings to a letter. 
                          
"Dear, Y/N," he read aloud to himself. 
                          
I'm sorry. It feels so bloody good to say it, I messed up, you know that.
                          
Sirius groaned and crumbled the sheet of paper in his fist, before tossing it to the ground where it sat amongst the dozen other abandoned letters. His right hand gripped the quill tightly and he forced himself to drop it before it snapped in his grasp. He huffed and grabbed his mug, downing a gulp of the lukewarm black coffee sitting at his desk. 
                          
As the ceramic mug hit the wood once he set it down, his eyes pooled with tears again. Heat flashed through his body and he quickly discarded his jacket, laying it lazily on the back of his chair. He shook his head, trying to shake the haunting thoughts from returning and ruffled through the top drawer of his desk. He shuffled through the papers until he saw the letter with his name on it. 
                          
Sirius,
                          
I know it's been weeks since we've spoken. I truly apologize for the way things ended. I hope you're doing well. I spoke to Remus just a few days ago, he encouraged me to write to you, said you needed it. As much as my mind wants to lead me elsewhere, I have to know that you're doing okay. 
                          
The Leaky Cauldron this Saturday? I'll be there at noon, I hope to see you. 
                          
Love, Y/N. 
                          
He watched in shock as a teardrop fell, coating the sacred brown paper in his hands. He wiped his eye with the back of his hand before he tucked the letter back away in his drawer. 
                          
You had sent the letter three days ago, Saturday was two days away, and Sirius had done nothing but enslave himself at his desk where he forced himself to compose a letter to send to the Leaky Cauldron in place of himself. 
                          
He seemed to have fallen down the rabbit hole of bad decisions, starting with your breakup and catching up to his failure to meet you in person. Coward, he thought to himself. It was him who had ruined everything and even after you reached out he still couldn't face you. 
                          
"I can't help it if it drives me bloody mad to see him with you, friend or not." Sirius fired at you. 
                          
You stood with your feet planted firmly, arms crossed over your chest and a scowl on your face. You were the picture of maturity burned in Sirius' mind whilst he paraded his flat like a child.