Chapter 73: Tsukishima: Stay (TW)

                                    

                                          
TW: Brief mention of suicidal ideation.
Oh my gods, I've never felt such strong conflicting emotions in my life.
On one hand, she's alive and in my arms.  She's okay, and I'm holding her, and I love her so much, and I was so afraid that I wouldn't make it in time, that I wouldn't be fast enough.  But I did, and she's here in my arms.  My heart is finally slowing down, coming down from the rush of adrenaline that got me to her side in time.
On the other hand, she's absolutely terrified.  No.  Horrified is a better word.  She's whimpering and mumbling and her eyes are so wide I swear I can see white all the way around the bright blue of her irises.
Gods, she's so scared.  I'm so scared for her.  The fear is prickling along my skin in runs of cold, clammy needles, making goosebumps rise all over my body.  Please, if there's any god listening, please, please let her legs be okay.
I take a deep breath.  I check her again, carefully, all over.  Muttering vaguely comforting phrases, trying to calm her, trying to help her.  No injuries that I can see.  Not even any scratches really from our tumble in the road - looks like I successfully managed to take the brunt of that.  Not even a bruise to be seen.  I'm pretty confident the car never touched her.  I know it never touched me, and I tried hard to shield her with my body completely.
She's shaking so badly.  But not her legs.  Her legs are still.  It's getting fully dark now, I need to get her home. 
"Roses, it's going to be alright.  I'm going to carry you home."  I move to lift her, gently, carrying her like a princess.  I've carried her much farther than this, I know I can get her home safely.  I'm not sure how aware she is of what is happening around her...she's so lost in her own terror.  I wish I could help her more, but I can't do much out here in the dark.  I need to get her home, so we can deal with this properly.
There's so much I want to say, so much I need to tell her, but not now.  Right now, she comes first.  I push all the rest of it aside, and focus myself fully on the task of getting to her house both quickly and without undue stress on Nakano.
Thank the gods I followed her.  I saw her, as she started her run, when she came by my house.  She'd looked up at my bedroom window, hoping to see me playing guitar, I guess.  She was so focused on that idea that she didn't even notice I was standing in the garden, watching the sun begin to set.  The instant I saw her, I knew I needed to follow her.  I ran in the house for a warmer coat and then kept myself back just enough so I could keep her in sight, but not intrude on her.  I wondered at the time why I felt such a desperate need to follow after her.
Now I know why.
One thing being with Nakano has been teaching me is to follow those strange impulses when they come.   If I hadn't, if I'd been my usual apathetic self and just ignored it as something ridiculous, then...nope, can't go there.  I'll start crying, and right now, I need a clear head.
She's stopped talking, and is now just making small noises and occasionally keening softly.  I think she's desperately trying to hold herself together while we're outside.  I get the feeling that once we're in the house, she's going to absolutely lose it.
She's so scared.  I try to cuddle her closer, try to help her feel that she's not alone, that I'm right here.  She didn't get a scratch on her, this has to just be too much adrenaline, too much fear.  She's gonna be okay. 
She's alive, she's here with me, and that's all that matters.  It's all gonna be okay.
We're past my house, we'll be at hers in moments.  "Hang in there just a little longer, Roses."  I say the words aloud, but I've no idea if she's even able to hear me.