My Pa - Part 6

                                    

                                          
A/N: tw anxiety attack, fear of abandonment, feelings of worthlessness/being a burden.
I continued walking with Pa. Tightly holding his sleeve until we got home. Once we were inside, I collapsed. 
I can't feel my body, I can't calm down, I can't stop freaking out. This is just more work for Papa, he went to get groceries for me and here I am making things even harder for him. He does so much for me and I don't want to lose him.
I don't want to be alone. 
I don't want to be a distant memory. I want someone to care. I know that Pa cares, I know he does. He does, right? Yes, of course he does. He has no reason to stay with me. If he didn't care, he would've left. 
I don't want him to leave. I don't want him to leave. Please don't leave. 
I can't control the tears, why am I crying? Nothing is happening. I'm so hopeless.
I felt Pa slowly wrap his arms around me, patting my back. 
"Y/N, I'm here. I'm not sure what happened but I'm here to listen, to help, to comfort, whatever you need right now."
I felt steam rising from my cheeks, I want to hug him back. I'll hurt him if I do.
I don't want to hurt anyone. 
"I thought you weren't going to come back." 
I let out a heavy sigh before tears started streaming down my face again. I can barely breathe. There's smoke in my face, why is there smoke?
"Mi hijo, why wouldn't I come back to you?"
"You-" I took another few deep breaths, "You told Camilo to leave me. You whispered it, you didn't want me to know. You were both going to leave me alone."
"No, not at all. Y/N, I told Camilo that if he left with you to come back to the bench before he left so that I could find you. I whispered because I thought you would think I didn't trust in your ability to get back when I do. I just wanted things to be easier for you, mi hijo." 
Pa started patting my head. 
"Y/N, what can you hear?"
"I hear you."
"What can you smell?"
"Salt."
"What can you feel?"
"Steam."
"Let's count together, ok?"
"From five?"
"From five."
Together we counted up to then back down from five. I could breathe much better. The steam was gone and I started wiping tears off my face.
"I'm sorry for being so much trouble."
"You're not any trouble at all. Now, go wash up. We have somewhere to go tomorrow."
"Where?"
"Tomorrow is Camilo's little brother's gift ceremony and surely you don't want to miss that!"
"I didn't know Camilo had a brother! I wonder if I'll get to meet him. Wait, what's a gift ceremony?"
"I'll tell you all about it once you finish washing up, alright?"
"Alright." I said with a nod before getting ready for bed, wrapping up my hand in the process. 
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496 words