Jeongin's Story: Goodbye, my love

                                    

                                          
He watched in pain as he saw Seungmin struggling with his feelings that were now all-too-obvious.
'Go for him!' He wanted to shout. But honestly, that would have partially been a lie. He couldn't fully let Hyunjin go.
He chuckled bitterly—how selfish am I? He felt terrible. He had no right, nor the ability, to keep him back even in death.
The ugly truth was... he had never been his to begin with.

He didn't know how to describe his feelings when they went on their "date" ...or when Hyunjin kissed Seungmin on the cheek.
A part of him was happy—no, more like relieved.
But another part of him was sinking... Sinking fast.
Hyunjin liked Seungmin back. And that hurt.
He didn't want to admit it, because that made him feel like an inconsiderate, selfish dead asshole, but he couldn't deny it either.
And although he didn't mean to, he stood in the way of their relationship. He felt horrible because a teensy part of him felt joy in that.
But watching Seungmin panic made him feel awfully guilty.
Could he send a sign? He'd have to ask God.

'Sorry, Jeongin. Please forgive me.' He heard Seungmin send another thought right before he went for Hyunjin's lips.
He smiled bitterly. Good job, Seungmin. He wished he could mean the words with all his heart, but he didn't.
A good part of him did—and he hoped that was good enough.
Would it be weird to pray even though he was already in heaven? If it wasn't, he would surely pray for their happiness and safety.

He gulped as he watched them go to his grave... It was the first thing they did as a couple. His heart throbbed as he heard his best friend's voice quake in sorrow.
"I'm so sorry," Seungmin whispered.
No, don't be.
'I didn't mean to... I didn't mean to fall for him.'
It's okay. It's really, truly okay.
"I'm the worst friend ever, aren't I?"
No, you're the best.

Jeongin felt his breath be taken away as Hyunjin spoke.
He was speaking... to him.  It was the first time—and bittersweet that it couldn't have been while he was still alive—but he was still so grateful.
Although tears slowly ran down his face, his lips were tugged up into a permanent smile. Hyunjin's voice was more melodious now that it was directed to him, sweeter than sugar.
"... And thanks to you, I'm truly, truly happy."
He grinned. Happiness was all he wanted for Hyunjin.
And he was glad that he was able to give it to him.

"I'll treat him well. I promise..." Seungmin breathed after Hyunjin left. "I really like him—I guess we have the same taste in people, right Innie?" He chuckled sarcastically.
"I'll bear the guilt for the rest of my life. I won't forget your feelings."
"I love you, man... I'm really, really sorry."
Jeongin wanted to reach out to his best friend as he watched him cry for the first time. Seungmin was the type of person to never show their emotions, so this moment was truly heartbreaking.
"I miss you, Innie. Every time I see Hyunjin, I'm reminded of you... I'm not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing, but I'm going to take it as a good thing." He paused.
"So please forgive me... If I have to go to hell for this, I may not be able to see you in heaven." He chuckled dryly.
He gave one last bow in respect before drying his tears.
He washed his face in the bathroom and went back to Hyunjin who was waiting in the car.
Jeongin shook his head. No, you're coming to heaven for sure. He was sure Seungmin belonged in heaven more than he did.
And Seungmin didn't need his forgiveness.
He didn't do anything wrong.
'You can have Hyunjin back in heaven if you want, Jeongin. So I'll watch over him for now.' Seungmin sent another thought as he looked at the setting sun. It seemed to shine brighter.
'Are you smiling?' He asked with a smile of his own.
Jeongin chuckled—sincerely this time. He nodded. I'll be watching you, Seungmin, he thought with a grin. And if you treat him well, maybe I'll let you have him even in heaven.
- THE END -