Chapter 9

                                    

                                          
2 AM.
It seemed like a familiar scene.
Dahyun was once again waiting for Chaeyoung to come home because it was running late. She was worried like always, but nobody could blame her. She was her best friend, the love of her life, and her soulmate. She didn't want to lose her at all.
But unlike before, the main door swung open after a few minutes, revealing Chaeyoung with a cigarette between her lips.
"Chaeyoung-ah." Dahyun stood up from her seat by the bar counter and walked towards her, hand grasping her lower arm gently.
Dahyun swore that she felt her shudder to her touch.
"I thought you already quit smoking. It's bad for you in the long run." Dahyun tried to convince her as she stared into her chocolate brown eyes.
She saw a tiny spark, a flame, or some sort of warmth she had left for her for a split-second before she watched her break her gaze from her.
Her eyes were cold again.
"It's just today. I'll stop again tomorrow." Chaeyoung sighed and shook Dahyun's hand away from her before walking past her, leaving her shoes on the doormat.
Dahyun watched her frame grow smaller and smaller as she walked farther away from her, the faint scent of smoke trailing behind her. Her nose scrunched and her eyebrows met upon inhaling it.
Chaeyoung knew that she was never fond of cigarette smoke, especially inside closed areas.
Was she doing this on purpose? Or has she gone careless?
Dahyun didn't know, but she felt it. She felt that Chaeyoung wasn't hers anymore.

Dahyun checked the bathroom, the bedrooms, and event went back to the kitchen and living room to see if Chaeyoung was there. But seeing that she wasn't, she headed to that one area the two liked the most at night – the balcony.
Pulling the glass doors' curtains aside, Dahyun saw Chaeyoung's back. She was leaning against the railing and was staring at the night sky as if in deep thought. Wanting to probe further into her recent behavior, Dahyun slid open the door and closed it back behind her as soon as she stepped into the balcony.
"Chaeng-ie." Dahyun cooed. "What's going on? Is there a problem? You know you can tell me." She asked, stepping forward towards the railing and placing a hand on her upper arm once she stood near her.
Chaeyoung side-eyed her before averting her gaze again. "I'm fine. Don't worry about. I'm just thinking... that's all." She explained before returning the cigarette between her lips.
"But you've been awfully cold. We barely spent any time together." Dahyun squeezed her arm gently for a moment before rubbing circles against her sleeve.
Chaeyoung's eyes narrowed for a second. "And so were you, but I didn't say a word about it."
"Tzuyu." Dahyun let go of her and took a small step back to give themselves some space.
Her name rung in Chaeyoung's ears.
She turned her body to face her completely. "What about her?" Her eyebrows twitched.
At that moment, Dahyun began connecting the dots from the way she reacted to her name. It was all too obvious that it pained her to try and turn a blind eye to it.
"Ever since I picked you up from that bar wasted, you kept muttering her name. You kept thinking about her in your sleep ever since you went to that party."
Chaeyoung's heart began to race, but she dared not to show it through her face, keeping the same serious expression on as she listened to her. "What party? Dahyun, it's been ages since I drunk without you."
"Your friend's birthday party. Yugyeom, was it? I picked you up in a bar at Itaewon and you were completely out of it. You kept saying her name as if she was the one with you." Dahyun tried her hardest not to let her pain flash across her face, but her tone was completely filled with disappointment and hurt.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Chaeyoung's expression softened.
"I was afraid especially after seeing how happy you were texting with her. I didn't want to bother." Dahyun crossed her arms against her chest before turning her body to lean against the railing.
"Now why do you always come home late? I know doing research at an ungodly hour isn't unreasonable, but I texted your friends and they told me that you weren't with them." Dahyun's statement seemed to have hit a few nerves because Chaeyoung's resolve dissolved.
She was caught red-handed.
"You don't know all of my friends. I have a life outside of school, Dah."
"So, you lie?"
The tension started to thicken between the two up to the point that Chaeyoung felt like she could barely breathe with how much Dahyun was cornering her.
"I just needed space."
Dahyun felt her heart clench at Chaeyoung's statement. Never once has she heard these words from her because never once has she tried to displease her by prying into her life. But just this once, she needed to for the sake of her sanity, and it was all falling apart.
"Am I too much? Or have you found solace in her instead?" Dahyun's eyes began to water as she pressed her lips into a thin straight line.
"Don't you trust me? It's been years, Dah. I'm here with you, isn't that enough?" Chaeyoung's voice raised while she threw the used up cigarette on the ground.
"How am I supposed to trust you if I hear you say 'I love you' to the girl you talked to me about the most? You even have her picture on your phone for god's sake!" Tears began to roll down like waves on her cheeks. All the pent up emotions and insecurities she's had were finally showing through.
"Was I not enough? What made you look back?" Dahyun was now clutching her chest as she spoke, fingers digging into the fabric of her own shirt.
"You're not her." Chaeyoung finally spoke.
"What?" Dahyun looked at her with disbelief, eyes glistening with tears.
"You're not her. You were never her. And I believe it was simply years of infatuation because I still saw her as my soulmate."
Hearing that endearment being placed on someone else felt like daggers being stabbed into Dahyun's heart. It was too much, but Chaeyoung didn't bother to add a final touch.
"And I never loved you as much."
Dahyun's head spun at her words.
What did she mean? How could she say that when they've been together for almost three years? Was it just her all along? Did any of those legends even mean a thing?
Dahyun didn't understand. Her mind was a mess, and she wanted to seek for answers. But the girl she loved the most already went right through the main door.

How long has Dahyun been waiting? Days? Weeks? Months?
She lost count.
She lost count of the number of tears she shed, the number of texts she tried to send, and the number of bottles of liquor and boxes of cigarettes she had laying around in her flat.
It's been so long, yet she didn't understand how Chaeyoung chose her first love over her so-called soulmate. Glancing at her wrist, she was reminded of her last words to her.
'I never loved you as much.'
She simply chuckled at the painful memory as she asked herself. "It was me and you all along, wasn't it?"
But she never received an answer.
One thing was certain though.
Every time she tasted the bittersweet taste of strawberry-flavored alcohol and cigarette sticks on her lips, she remembered how her lips tasted just like this.