Inner look

                                    

                                          
You drove your way out of the city and made your way into a rustic area where there were a lot of parking spots to overlook the city lights and there were a lot of hiking trails around there.  You had found this spot a long time ago, when you first had gotten your license and had thought about running away from Fury and the life that he was building you up to.  It's where you did a lot of your deep thinking, and the only one you had ever brought here was Daisy.  You got out of the car and watched as the moon rose high into the sky and sat on the trunk of your car playing your music directly from your phone as you looked down at the city and sighed heavily.  
 You thought about how things had changed so much since your month long mission, and it had been such a short span of time.  You silently wondered if you had made the right decision, they were breaking down your walls so quickly and seeing you for who you were beneath all the bravado and fake confidence.  You thought about the moment Bucky had knocked on your door and smiled to yourself.  You couldn't believe that you had already kissed the man a few times.  He found a way to make you feel more than just a used puppet.  You thought about how all these years, you really did just feel like a puppet that took orders and did reports.  You didn't want to let Fury down, and now you had more people you just simply didn't want to let down either.  You thought about how you suddenly had the chance to maybe relax a little.  Like the girls said, there was more to life than battles and recons, or the next mission.  You thought more of that dream, of a place for just you and Daisy.  A place to retire.  It wasn't like you didn't have the money.  You had been saving since you became a Shield agent at sixteen, you had more money than you knew what to do with.  You had put some into investments which turned out good.  You could buy a house outright with what you had in your account if you really wanted to.  But you didn't want to yet.  You still felt like there was something more you were looking for in life.  In a way, you felt almost like you had found it.  You just didn't know what it was yet.  
 You knew if you ever had to go into hiding, you were set for a very long time before you would have to come out of the woodwork.  You were starting to nod off, leaning against your back window still watching over the city when your phone went off.  It was a text message from Bucky asking where you were.  You looked at the time and cringed.  You told him you would be home soon, and jumped back in the car and speeding back home.  
                          
"Thank God, we were going to go looking for you" Steve saw you come in the front door.  
 "Sorry, I just needed to get away for a bit" you frowned and saw Daisy come vaulting herself at you.  You scooped her up and held her closely.  
 "You should let someone know if your leaving the compound, we all worry about one another" he crossed his arms.  
 "I really am sorry, I just needed to clear my head.  I have a special spot I go to, when I need to think" you admitted and saw Bucky come out in his pajamas and he smiled at you.  
 "Glad you made it home doll" he leaned against the wall staring at you.  
 "Just let someone know next time" Steve shook his head.  
 "How did Daisy do?" you asked starting to head towards Bucky and your room.  
 "She won a lot of people over" Steve finally gave a smile.  
 "That's my girl" you grinned.  "Thanks for keeping an eye on her today Helpful" you gave a wink and walked past him.  Bucky put out his arm before you got past him and you looked at him curiously.  "Something wrong handsome?" 
 "I'm glad your okay, next time text me if you don't want to talk to anyone, please" he gave a soft smile and you flushed.  
 "That I can do" you nodded.  "Good night" you gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and rushed away going back into your room.  Bucky broke out into a smile and Steve chuckled. 
 "Good night Y/N" he called back to you.  
                          
The next morning, you were surprised that Loki, Wanda, Nat and Pepper didn't bring up what happened the night before in the pool.  You were happy for it.  You had gone for your morning run before Steve, Sam and Bucky again, and started wondering if you should actually push your work out time to match theirs too.  After breakfast you went to work out, and sparred hard with Wanda who was forcing you to use your abilities more and more during sparring sessions and it was exhausting you mentally and physically.  By the time supper was over, you had gone to your room and took a quick shower before passing out face first on the bed in just a t-shirt.  You had gotten in the habit of leaving the door open enough for Daisy to go in and out as she pleased since she would go over to visit Steve a little.  You had felt someone tuck you in at one point, but didn't wake up long enough to see who it was or acknowledge them.  
 When you woke up Wednesday morning, you knew you had almost an hour before the boys got up for their work out, and had slept in a bit.  You took your time to get changed into your shorts and just put on a sports bra under your t-shirt before heading down the stairs.  You did your normal stretches, trying to decide if this was really what you wanted to do.  You finally sat at the bottom of the stairs until you heard the three men making their way down talking loudly.  You stood up and looked at them for a moment.  
 "Good morning" Bucky grinned.  
 "You're late" you smirked and turned to start jogging down the pathway.  
 "Okay girl, you joining the big boys today" Sam started running after you with a laugh.  
 "I wouldn't say that" you giggled.  "But I did decide to run with the boys" 
 "Alright, I see how it is" he chuckled.  "Hey fossils, are you coming?" he turned so he was running backwards.  
 "This fossil normally beats you" Bucky started running, and past both of you quickly followed by Steve.  You kept your pace with Sam as you both made your way around the track.  Daisy stayed with you for the first two times around the track, but then went to lay in the grass and just watch.  Steve and Bucky made laps around both of you several times, letting you know they were passing each time.  
 "They should be ashamed of themselves; they should do another lap.  Look at how fast they are goin" Sam laughed, sounding out of breath.  
 "Super soldier serum, I'm almost jealous" you grinned, trying not to pant.  
 "You getting tired?" Sam challenged you. 
 "I could do this all day" you shook your head pushing yourself to keep going.  Your legs felt like they were made of jelly and you wanted to quit, but your father never raised you to give up first.  
 "Clearly, one of us needs to call it soon.  My legs are going to be killing me in the gym later" he started slowing down, so you matched his pace.  "It was nice to have someone to run beside me for a change" he gave you a smile.  
 "Don't be late tomorrow" you winked as you both slowed to a walk.  "Come on Daisy" you called as you got to the stairs.  You grit your teeth as you walked up the stairs, and headed directly into the dining room, not bothering to go to your room.  If you did, you would likely take a shower and a nap and miss breakfast.  Sam followed close behind you, you both were clearly out of breath.  Steve and Bucky came in and looked like they were unbothered by the mornings activities.  
 Tony looked over with a smile, and gave a nod.  You figured it was because you were finally starting to work more with the team the way they liked it.  
 "How about a movie tonight?" Tony asked once everyone was seated.  
 "Can't" Bucky shook his head.  
 "Sorry" you added, taking a bite of your food.  
 "I was going to head to the art store" Steve added.  
 "The art store can wait, why can't you two?" Tony asked, looking at you pointedly.  
 "We have a date" Bucky grinned.  
 "You also have recon tomorrow you two" Steve told you.  
 "We do?" you were surprised.  
 "We found another almost dead base.  Sam is going to fly you in and out.  Just a quick grab of data and back out" Tony shrugged.  
 "Vision, Wanda and I are taking on another base at the same time, so both jets will be in the air tomorrow" Nat smirked.  
 "I thought you were still going over the data from Monday?" you asked gently.  
 "We can always use more data, Friday goes through it quickly.  We find the important parts and put it aside for the larger missions later" Bruce explained.  
                          
When you got to the gym you decided on weight training for your upper body.  Your legs were dying from this morning still, and you knew you needed to rest them.  You were feeling a little more tired than usual, which was odd for you since you normally got a booster for your low immune system.  You chalked it up to the fact that you slept longer for a change, and your body wasn't used to it.  You waited until it was almost lunch and politely excused yourself to go do a cool down and grabbed your swimsuit to go back into the outdoor pool.  You did about ten laps and finally hauled yourself up on the side and gave a small shiver as the breeze went by.  The sun was warm on your skin at least.  You used the outdoor shower to rinse off before changing back into your leggings and t-shirt and going to lunch.  
 Bucky had waited for you to come in and pulled out the chair for you to sit down, and you gave him a soft thank you and a smile.  
 "Did you want to go over the mission details for the afternoon?" Bruce asked you softly.  "Nat told me you like to memorize the base before you go in" 
 "That would be helpful, thank you" you gave a smile, and he smiled back in return with a nod.  
 "Maybe I'll go in with her this time, and you can watch the outside Tinman" Sam teased Bucky.  
 "No, I'm going in" Bucky shook his head.  
 "Won't you be distracted?" Steve teased him.
 "Not enough for a mission" Bucky looked at him with a bit of a glare.  You had a feeling he told Steve about you two making out on the last mission.  
 "Doesn't matter who goes in, as long as we get the data" Tony nodded.  "We checked the thermal scans on both bases, and its lightly guarded.  I'm sure Newbie over here could go in on her own if she wanted" 
 "They are my jam" you gave a bright smile.  "Its what I know best" 
 "Not a chance" Bucky shook his head.
 "Not happening" Sam agreed with him.  "Besides, we might hurt each other if we are out there alone together" A few chuckles went around the table when he said it.  
 "I have the experience, I can do it" you frowned a bit.  
 "Its not about experience, we know you can.  It's the way we work" Nat smiled kindly at you.  "Always two on the inside, just in case.  You never know what your up against" 
                          
Once you finished lunch, you followed Bruce to the lab and he gave you the maps of the base.  You took them back to your room to study.  The communications room was on the last floor down, meaning there was more risk to this one.  You checked for all the rooms and counted how many doors you would be passing before getting to each set of stairs.  You could use a rope and just go down the center, but that would make you a target if someone saw the rope.  You made a mental note to make sure the guns had extra ammo for when you went.  You took the time to put sticky notes down just in case to highlight possible places to hide.  You rubbed Daisy absentmindedly on her belly and looked at your watch wondering where the time went.  You rolled up the papers and put them to the side and walked into your closet.  You pulled out a black pair of jeans and boots.  You looked at your blouses and went with a simple white one that was a little more low cut, and decided on the tear drop earrings and necklace again.  You didn't have much to use for accessories, you never really took the time to buy any.  You made a mental note to maybe splurge a little next time you went clothes shopping.  You grabbed a black belt, deciding to tuck in your blouse to show off your figure a little more.  You slipped into the bathroom and started to get ready for your date.