Change - Ranboo

                                    

                                          
This story will contain aspects of ASD. A little bit of sensory pressure, but not necessarily overload.

                          
Your POV 
                          
I knew as soon as I woke up something would go wrong. When you just have that feeling that today won't go as expected. From the second you wake up to the point where you don't want to get out of bed in fright of the possibility of going through hell. 
                          
Of course, that's not worthy enough of excuse to skip school. My mom is all about "getting an education" and "school being our only job". Not like my mental health matters. No way. 
                          
Regardless, I get up. I change and brush my teeth and do my regular morning routine before school and head out the door before my mom asks the same question every day, "you want something to eat?". No, not really. I'm never hungry in the mornings. She knows that.
                          
It's cold and wet, almost a foot of snow piled into corners. Winter finally fulfills it's name of being the coldest season of the year. It only took until January. The snow makes it better. I can't hold it, obviously the wet but still somehow a solid in most cases feels alien on my skin. I have to wear fleece gloves just to pick up a snow shovel that was left in the snow.
                          
I almost trip on some ice as the bus finally pulls up. Thankfully it only takes me like three minutes to walk to my stop because of how the routes are lined up. Some of my friends have to walk 20-30 minutes and they only live a block down from me. They have to go to a completely different stop. 
                          
I put on my headphones after I sit down. I can't stand the feeling of earbuds. It feels like they're either stabbing into my ears or like they're just about to fall out. Never in between. Headphones are just more reliable. 
                          
The bus driver lets me sit in the very front. I have to sit in the front or the back, not in between. I need to be seated next to an emergency exit window and I have to hear the driver clearly. I don't feel safe enough to relax otherwise.
                          
It sounds selfless and egotistical to have all these requirements, but I can't control how my mind works. Believe me, I wish I could just sit anymore and be able to talk to people without having a fit but I physically cannot. People are unpredictable and if something is unpredictable then I can't prepare myself. 
                          
I walk into the school through the left door as left is always before right. I say hello to Mr. Vann and sit in my seat without making a noise. The chairs used to make a scratching noise on the floor whenever one was pushed or dragged, I brought it to Mr. Vann's attention and he padded each and every leg of every chair in his classroom. 
                          
My classmates walk in, a few just miss the bell, and class begins. 
                          
Lunch time comes around after exactly three and a half hours once school officially began. I pack the same lunch every day: ham and cheese sandwich with the crust cut off and the cheese never touching the bread, four leaves of lettuce and two thin tomatoes slices, mayo on one side to avoid an overuse of condiments. Plus my peeled apple slices and my fruit punch juice box. My mom snuck in a packet of fruit snacks once and I couldn't eat that day. 
                          
All my life I have acted like this. I prefer not to speak about it with anyone unless someone points it out in a taunting way. My antics have lead me to eat lunch alone and not communicate with anyone other than my educators. To put it simply, I have no friends. No one to keep me grounded when I feel like a machine. Heartless and emotionless. 
                          
I eat my lunch quietly with my headphones on to block out all of the deafening noise. Until I can feel my headphones being snatched and lifted off my ears. Then everything turns to chaos. The echos of laughter and the screams of conversations flood my ears as I fail to block them.