I wasn't mentally prepared for this. I think slamming the door in his face was a clear sign that I didn't want to see him. Well, it was a reflex. Pure self-preservation. I don't regret it though. It honestly felt pretty good to do that. However, the second knock clearly meant he wasn't planning to leave.
"Hey Tatum," I called.
"Yeah?"
"Can you come grab Gemma."
She didn't even respond, just immediately got up and walked over to me with concern in her eyes. "Is everything okay? Who is it?"
"It's Luke."
"Luke?"
"Luke."
"Luke Carson?"
"Yup. That's the one."
"You mind if I hand her back for a second just so I can punch him in the face."
"I'm sure I would really enjoy that, but I think I should probably just tell him to leave."
She shrugged. "If you change your mind."
I laughed as she walked back into the living room, then felt myself slowly deflate when I heard another light tap. I put my hand on the doorknob only to feel a rush of emotions when I heard his voice.
"Beck, please?"
I took a deep breath, then opened the door and stepped outside. "What?"
"I think we should talk inside."
I should feel cold. The wind had picked up, but all I could feel was the heat from my anger. "No."
"Come on. You know this won't be a short conversation."
"I think this might be a very short conversation. I don't want to talk to you, Luke. I don't even want to see you."
"I know what I did hurt you and I can't apologize enough for it."
"You could try apologizing once."
He paused. "You're right. I'm so sorry Beck. Leaving was the worst mistake I've ever made."
"Whatever. I'm going back inside."
He reached for me, but stopped short when I glared. "There's still so much I need to say to you."
"And I probably would've listened four years ago, but the time for explanations has passed."
"Beck–"
"I'm serious. We'd only been married for a year when you disappeared. I didn't hear from you for six months. No calls, no texts, not even an email, then all of a sudden I'm being served with divorce papers? That's so far from being okay."
"I'm trying to explain now, doesn't that count for something?"
"No."
He was speechless. His bright blue eyes bore into mine as he tried to think of something to convince me to stay and listen. But there's nothing.
"When you proposed to me the night of graduation, I thought it was crazy because we were so young and there was so much of the world we hadn't experienced, but you made it sound so good and like we would be one of the few to make it. I should've trusted my gut."
He tried to reach for me again, but I slipped away and went inside. As soon as my back was against the door, my anger evaporated and there was all of the pain and heartbreak I had shoved deep down.
It wasn't supposed to be like this. It was supposed to be so much better. I loved him so much it actually hurt, and I was so sure that he was my soulmate, the one I'd spend the rest of my life with, I just wasn't sure I wanted it to be so soon. He made the idea of being married sound amazing and like that's what was meant to happen for us, only to destroy us a year later. It took me years to be able to get through my days without thinking about him. I had just managed to find some peace and joy in my life again and now he's back and he wants to talk to me?
