Chapter 3

                                    

                                          
I smoke a cigarette, sip on a glass of bourbon, and stare at the opened invitation that sits on my desk. It's for her first official runway show. I'm sure it was supposed to be here days ago, but it's only just arrived this afternoon. Did she have any part in sending this? Or was it all Hugh?
I haven't spoken a word to her since I left her building a week ago. But I've dreamt of her a handful of times. On one occasion I awoke to myself orgasming because of an especially racy dream about her. I hadn't done that since I was sixteen.
And now I'm contemplating going to this show, been contemplating it for hours. I didn't want to see her again. I do, but I don't at the same time. I don't know how I'm feeling or what to do. I haven't had any desire to fuck any other women. She's the only thing that's been on my mind, invading all of my thoughts, consuming me. 
It's brought up a lot of old feelings about things I try not to think about. I hadn't expected myself to feel this way again. The fact that I hardly know her makes it all the more confusing. Of all the women I've been with, why her? I can't work out what makes her so different or why I'm unable to get her out of my fucking head. 
I've wished I would have fucked her, while also knowing I did the right thing. What if I had lost interest in her right after like I do with every other woman I'm with? 
And what if I hadn't? What if I wanted her to stay? Is that just as bad? 
I contemplate that as I get ready. 
I take my time, deciding on a three piece suit much like the one I wore to their party. I'm still back and forth about going, but I know I'm going to go. I'd wondered if she told Hugh about what happened, I was half expecting her to with the guilt I know she must have felt, but getting this invitation was a giveaway that she didn't. I can't see him confronting me even if she did. I'm not someone that people want to confront. Me headlining all of the tabloids over the incident with that photographer proves that. 
I sit and wait, smoking a few cigarettes, until I'm ready to leave. My car has arrived, parked in the lot underneath the building, so I'm driving myself. I could turn around anytime I want to, think of doing it more than once, but don't. It's Downtown, not far from where the premiere was, and there's a valet service so I don't have to search for a spot. 
After I've given the man my keys I walk toward the building. I straighten my tie, stop, and slide my hands into my pockets as the photographers shout my name and snap my photo. The flashes are bright, repetitive, and I don't bother to smile. After a moment I continue past, hearing them shout another name, followed by the sound of their cameras. There are far more interesting celebrities here than me, I'm sure.
I walk further inside, but stop again. That feeling of anxiety in my stomach leaves just as quickly as it comes. There are people everywhere, walking around, conversing, and drinking. They're on either side of the runway, among the many seats, though some people have already begun to sit down. There are also photographers in here as well, but they're not shouting names or being as aggressive as the ones at the entrance. 
I recognize a few of the celebrities that are here, I've met some of them, but I'm only searching for Hugh. As I take a glass of wine off of one of the tables, I spot him. He's in the front row, talking to some man I don't recognize, and keep my eyes on him as I take a slow drink. 
When I reach him he smiles and firmly shakes my hand. 
"Maddox, I'm so glad you could make it. We were hoping you could come."
I nod and glance around, trying to spot her, but know she's likely in the back getting prepared. As I do this I stop abruptly and lock eyes with Anya. I was so distracted by coming here, by thoughts of seeing Theodora, that I hadn't even thought she might be attending this. She's staring at me, but quickly looks away. I don't linger on her. Her presence here makes me feel slightly disgusted and annoyed. She drug me through the mud and fucked me royally, so she got what she wanted.