A Selfless Act

                                    

                                          
 The flight from Paris to Sheffield wasn't that long, under ninety minutes, but every minute felt like and hour and the flight felt like it went on forever. I was teary the whole time, desperate to get there, desperate to hold Oli in my arms and comfort him... I didn't care what he'd said about wanting to be alone and not wanting to be with me because I knew he didn't mean it.
 Micky picked me up at the airport, waiting at the gate for me so that we could get straight over to Oli's place. He didn't really know any more about what happened than I did, but he seemed pretty  concerned and that only made me worry more.
 When we pulled up at the house, I didn't bother taking anything from the car, I just jumped out and raced inside. I didn't want to overwhelm Oli but I had to see him. I had to know he was OK. I saw Jordan before I saw Oli; but as soon as my eyes landed on him, sitting on the couch in a ball just staring into oblivion, I burst into tears. He looked shattered. He looked dishevelled. His hair was a mess and he looked like he hadn't slept in days. He looked empty and void and his eyes were so red, like he'd been crying for hours. "Baby..." I said through my tears. Oli looked at me and for a moment it was like he didn't even know who I was, like his mind was taking a second to catch up, but then he burst into tears. I immediately rushed over and wrapped my arms around him, holding onto him like I was too afraid to ever let go.
 "What are you doing here?" he asked.
 "I'm here for you." I replied.
 "You're meant to be doing that Paris thing." he stated.
 "Well I'm not. I wanted to be here with you." I replied.
 "Why? I don't deserve it." he said, clearly hurting.
 "Because I love you and you need me." I replied. He was quiet for a moment.
 "I fucking ruin everyone's lives." he mumbled. Poor Oli. He must have felt so bad.
 "You don't. You make life so much better, especially mine." I said reassuringly. I needed to inject some positivity into him because it was clear that he had absolutely none. "I love you, Oli. I love you more than anything. I would have flown from the other side of the world to be here with you." I said. "Nothing is more important to me than you. Absolutely nothing." I added. Oli finally put his arms around me and just completely broke down on my shoulder. I glanced up at Jordan who was on the other side of the room and he forced a small smile, I was hoping that was a sign that maybe I had gotten through to Oli, but I wasn't sure and I wasn't going to rush him into talking.
 Oli cried and cried, but I sat there holding onto him for at least twenty minutes. He had gone silent after that, but I could feel his heart still racing. I didn't want to let go of him, I wanted to make it impossible for him to feel alone or to feel like I didn't want to be there. I wanted to literally smother him in love so that he would maybe not feel so fucking terrible. He eventually pulled himself away from me and he looked absolutely exhausted, but at least he now looked present; he didn't look empty like he did when I'd first seen him. "Oli, I love you. I loved you yesterday, I love you today, and I'll love you tomorrow. I will never stop loving you and I'm going to pretend you never broke up with me because I don't want that, and I know you don't either." I said.
 "I don't deserve you." he stuttered.
 "Yes, you do. We deserve each other." I stated firmly. He just looked at me with such sad eyes.
 "I love you." he said quietly.
 "I love you too." I replied before kissing him gently, for more reassurance.
 I asked Oli to go and splash some water on his face and while he did, I asked Jordan and Micky if they wanted to head home. I wasn't going to let Oli out of my sight, so they didn't need to keep babysitting him unless they wanted to be there. We hugged and I thanked them for what they'd done then they told me to call if I needed anything. I appreciated that. I went to the bathroom and wrapped my arms around Oli as he stood in front of the sink, staring at himself in the mirror like he was looking for something, and he broke down again once I was there. I turned him around and pulled him into me, stroking his back as he cried once again. "It's OK, baby, just let it out." I said gently.
 "I'm sorry, I just can't stop." he said into my shoulder. "I feel so fucking guilty." he admitted.
 "I understand and it's OK. Feel your feelings and cry as much as you need, I'm not going anywhere." I reassured him. I hoped I was getting through to him.