13

                                    

                                          
It's been a couple of days since Sherlock found out. He's constantly been checking up on me, making sure I'm okay and I'm not sure how to feel about it. I'm hoping he eases off soon because I haven't been high or drunk since and it's so boring. Everyone just goes around with their dull lives and now I'm living one too. I mean, it was already dull but no drugs or alcohol has made it even more boring. 
Sherlock said I can go back to school next week when I feel more comfortable and settled down a bit. The urges to hurt myself are getting stronger. I don't want to say "the voices in my head" because it seems really cringy but it's true. It's not someone else's voice, it's mine, telling me to do these things, telling me I'm incapable of doing anything, that I'm useless, stupid, annoying and anything else that you can think of. I haven't been able to leave the building after the incident so I've had no way of getting any blade of any sort. I don't have any sharp knives because I've never had to use one before so that's not an option. The only way I can get one is to buy a sharpener or something. Sherlock's out right now so if I go quickly and make sure to cover up a bit I should be safe. I put up my hood and walk to a small shop about 3 minutes away. 
                          
I got a box of 15 double blade ones, you know the ones with a normal size and a side for those big pencils that no one actually has. That's 30. I think that should do if I hide them from him. I still have the drugs in my drawer as well I just haven't had the chance to do them from his little hourly check ups. I'm surprised he's actually still looking out for me and that Mycroft hasn't visited yet. I'm still dreading it. I know him, he won't just drop it without 'having a word'. 
                          
Sherlock isn't back yet so I take the opportunity, taking out the blade out of one of them and sitting in the bathroom. For once, I'm having second thoughts. Do I have to do this? I could just call Sherlock or John(I got his number after they found out).Fuck, but what if they're busy? They probably are, out solving a case. What if I distract them from something big, something important? I can't tell Mrs. Hudson, why would she care? And god help me if I even tried to call Mycroft about it. I could write it down, but then again it would be too late by the time they get home. I cant just not do it without there being a reason not to, even then I probably would still do it. Never mind, no way out of this forever circling addiction. Line after line, cut after cut, tears spill down my face and the blood pours from my thighs. I didn't even have a fucking reason to do it, I just needed to, needed a release. I get up, my legs sore and aching, and clean up the mess I just made. I hide the blade in a pack of tissues and surf through the endless amounts of shit to the back of the drawer. 1 needle, maybe 2? No, just the one for now, and just the 1 pill. I'm feeling light today. 
                          
-Sherlocks POV- 
"Did we really have to go out just so I could help you at the self-checkout?" This was a complete waste of my valuable time. 
                          
"Well yeah because it wouldn't take my card," John replies whilst throwing himself onto his chair. 
                          
"It was quite funny when you just shouted at it."
                          
"Bloody machine."
I put the shopping down in the kitchen and walk over to the door again. 
                          
"I'm just going to see if she's doing okay," I say before opening the door. 
                          
"Maybe you should give her some space. I know it must be worrying but still, she's a teenage girl she needs some time alone."
                          
"Yes, and she gets time alone when I'm not there which is only for 2 minutes before I leave again," I turn to look at John. 
                          
"Yes, and then an hour later you go up for another 2 minutes. Then another and another."
                          
"I just need to make sure she's okay."
                          
"All I'm saying is, maybe lay off a little bit soon."
                          
I nod in response and head up to her flat. 
"Y/N? It's just Sherlock," I knock on her door. I hear a muffled response from inside, taking it as a sign to come in. I see her laying on the sofa, arm over her head looking up at the ceiling with something weird on the TV. "You okay?"
She just hums a quiet response, something seems off. I look around the room, trying to find something. Nothing. "How's your day been so far?" 
                          
"Alright."
                          
"Okay. Well uhm, if you need me I'll be downstairs." 
She doesn't reply, just looks up towards the ceiling and listens to the TV. I close the door and head back down. 
                          
-Y/N's POV-
I watch TV for a bit before someone comes in. More specifically, Mycroft. He stands there, umbrella in his hand before going to sit in the chair next to the sofa. 
"Hello Y/N," he says whilst getting comfortable. 
"Hi," I just say whilst continuing to watch the TV. 
"Okay, so you're going to have to look at me whilst I'm talking to you and have a proper conversation otherwise this isn't going to work." I just ignore him and keep looking straight forward. 
"You've always been so defiant. I can't just stay here and play your silly games, some of us have things to do," still ignoring him,"The faster you cooperate the sooner I'll be gone." I just look at him with a vague face. 
                          
"What do you want?" 
                          
"Well, we both know why I'm here. The little, 'incident' we'll call it, was brought to my attention by Sherlock. I understand why you don't want to tell Mother and Father so I won't tell them just yet, however they will have to be informed at some point." 
                          
I just nod and look at him with eyes telling him I don't actually care. 
                          
"Now, I will probably have you under 24 surveillance. If you go outside, I'll know when, where and why. Im not going to be watching you like a hawk but if I need to know where you are, I will. Have you got a notebook?" 
                          
"Yep."
                          
"Where?" 
                          
I point to it on the coffee table and he picks it up. After seeing todays entry he just raises his eyebrows and places it back down. 
                          
"Sherlock obviously wasn't blind and knows that you've used today."
                          
"No. He didn't see."
                          
"How?"
                          
"I just covered my eyes and looked towards the ceiling."
                          
"God he's so obviously it's actually quite concerning."
                          
"Shut up! He's 10x smarter then you'll ever be and more caring then you can even begin to comprehend. Where were you when I needed you that day, when I needed your support? Oh yeah, sat up on your throne, probably doing fuck all. So don't try and tell me that Sherlock is oblivious because he's been more observant in the past week then you've ever been! Now, I suggest you get out," I shout and point towards the door.
                          
"Little sister, I-," he starts. 
                          
"No! Don't talk! Get. Out!" I just stand up and continue to point to the door. 
                          
He sighs and stands up,"Such attitude on you little one." And with that he's gone.