CHAPTER 12

                                    

                                          


                          

After Xia Ting got out of the Bentley in the evening, he couldn't slow down for a long time.
No matter what Zhao Nanshu asked him, he just shook his head vigorously and refused to speak, and he also shrunk himself in the corner when sitting on Zhao Nanshu's
car.
Zhao Nanshu was so anxious, he didn't have to listen to Xia Tingwan, only from the fingerprints left on Xia Tingwan's white face, and the look of shock and uncertainty, he could already guess the general situation, while driving, he couldn't help but say: "Boss, this is not okay, what does Ye Bingwen want to
do?" If he really has an iron heart to find trouble for you, we have no way at all, really can't do it, let's still go to Mr. Su, right? He won't be so you.
"I don't want to look for

him."
Xia Tingwan turned his head, there were tears in his eyes, but he couldn't bear to
cry.
He knew that su Yan couldn't be blamed for all this, it was he who didn't know the sky and the height of the earth had broken Ye Bingwen's face, and it was the trouble he himself caused.

But he was still aggrieved.

Ye Bingwen called him a bitch, saying that Su Yan was tired of fucking him and didn't want
him.
He had never heard such an ugly word from Su Yan's
mouth.
Su Yan is gentle and decent, Su Yan really loved him, Su Yan and Ye Bingwen's magnates who do not regard people as people are
different.
Even if he was divorced, he still believed it so willingly.

But that conviction will fade over
time. <
Su Yan's tenderness and affection were getting farther and farther away from him, as far away as a soft dream that he had foolishly
created. As soon as he opened his



eyes, all he was facing was a cold reality--Xia Ting stayed at home for two days without going out, and he and Zhou Yang made a phone call to tell everything about Ye Bingwen.


Zhou Yang didn't know about Ye Bingwen's conversation with Xia Tingwan before, and now that he heard that, of course, he was surprised, but he still calmed down quickly.

"Ye Bingwen should not be able to force anything against you
now."
Zhou Yang calmly analyzed on the phone: "My judgment is that when you first got divorced, he didn't have any ideas at first, but after you decided to sign Shaoguang's program, he suddenly remembered that he could take advantage of the situation to retaliate against you, otherwise he could have acted a long time
ago." The contract is so harsh, it is estimated that he has the power to operate behind it. He wants to force you to bow your head, on the one hand, because he wants you to humiliate and ask for forgiveness, on the other hand, I think that he is now this step, or he may want to test whether Su Yan will still protect you. "No,



it won't." Xia Tingwan said subconsciously, "Su Yan will not protect me."
Zhou Yang simply asked, "Do you think Su Yan won't, or do you not want to look for

him?"
Xia Ting was silent for a while, and Zhou Yang's acumen and directness always overwhelmed

him.
After the divorce, Su Yan and the more obedient Wen Zichen went to
bed.
But he was trapped in a swamp, and no matter how much he tried to climb out, the karmic obstacles of the past still made him more and more breathless.
<
Even if he knew that he had a lot of deficiencies, he still couldn't help it, he felt aggrieved when he thought of Su Yan, and when he heard Ye Bingwen say those words, he couldn't help but complain and doubt a
little.
Will Su Yan really get tired of him a
little?
In Su Yan's eyes, he was more charming than the autumn leaves, the cicadas in summer, and the moonlight in the snowy night combined, and he could not let go of it, and he could not sneak away from his fingers like melting
snow.
Su Yan once made him believe in love so much, but he did not tell him that when a person loves hot, and when he lets go, he is two completely different
sides.
What's even more frightening is that even if he thinks so pessimistically, he still can't really give up on Su
Yan.
The divorce forced him to make the gesture of letting
go.
But he didn't volunteer, he wasn't.

He was the one who had been abandoned, bumping and bumping outside, his head was bleeding, and he was slapped twice in the face by Ye Bingwen, but he still wanted to be brave enough to maintain a little dignity in front of Su
Yan.
I want to prove myself, even if Su Yan doesn't care anymore, I want to prove that he is a person who can stand on his own
strength.
"I still want to solve it myself."
Xia Tingwan finally spoke, and he said with difficulty: "Like you said, as long as Ye Bingwen still wants to force me to volunteer with him... I'll just have room for it, right? "Hmm."



<
Zhou Yang did not press anything more, but responded with a voice and continued: "I think Ye Bingwen will put some effort into the program, before the public opinion on the Internet was so one-sided, Ye Bingwen must have contributed, of course, he also wanted to hold Xing Le, killing two birds with one
stone." You go to shoot a reality show, I am worried that you can't grasp the performance scale of the reality show, and the other is worried that the program team will cut the film according to the opinions of Shao Guang Lin Bingwen, and it will be difficult for us to control what will be presented when the time comes. But now the situation is a bit passive, the contract has also been signed, even if the program team cut you into a mess, it is impossible to quit halfway, the default regulations are too strict, Ye Bingwen is estimated to want to rely on this to put pressure on you. "I



understand." Xia Tingwan listened carefully to Zhou Yang's words, he thought about it and said, "I will be very cautious when I go to shoot, trying not to give them any random editing material." "Okay."



Zhou Yang answered on the phone: "I can't go over this time, but you have something to call me at any time."
"Zhou Yang—" Xia Ting said softly before hanging up the phone, "Thank

you."
Xia Tingwan waited for the fingerprints on his face to completely disappear before he cleaned up and went to Xiangshan.


This was also the last time he went to see Yin Ning before going to Thailand to
shoot.


______________



Yin Ning likes to draw and is not very keen on other toys, but he likes a set of 120-color Faber-Kat watercolor pencils that Xia Ting bought for him in the evening, always carrying them in an Ultraman
bag. <
When Yin Ning was painting, Xia Tingwan watched quietly.

Yin Ning still didn't like to talk, but gradually he didn't resist him as much as the first time, and Xia Tingwan occasionally asked what was painted, and he would also whisper an
answer.
Xia Ting arrived at Xiangshan in the evening, because he often went during this time, so the security guards of the Su Mansion saw Zhao Nanshu's car and did not ask at all and directly let it
go.
After getting out of the car, Xia Tingwan saw Su Yan at a
glance.
Su Yan wore a gray-and-white overalls and squatted in front of the rose
garden.
The crimson sunset shone on the side of Su Yan's face, he was holding the scissors, he was pruning the remaining flowers and sick old branches for the roses, and his eyes were serious and a little
gentle.
That scene was so familiar that Xia Ting's nose was instantly
sour.
Su House has professional gardeners to take care of the lawn and every flower bed in Su
House.
But when Su Yan is in a good mood, he will also change his clothes, hum the song and drive the lawn mower for a while, take the scissors to trim the roses from and remove insects.

When he did this, the butlers and servants and the gardeners were not surprised, and they were busy with their own
work.
Xia Tingwan remembered that he often sat on the steps in front of the porch to watch Su Yan trim the roses, and then asked Su Yan to fold the biggest and most beautiful one for
him.
The gentle light shone on him, lazy, he leaned there to smell the rich aroma of roses, smelled and sniffed, and curled up in the warm sun and took a nap, until Su Yan was finished and then carried him back to the
house. <
When he was the man of this Su house, even the air here was
romantic.
As soon as I think about it, my heart trembles.

But before Xia Tingwan could fully wake up from his memories, he saw that Wen Zichen had already walked out of the house wearing a white coat, and the cold strangeness invaded him
again.
Wen Zichen made a fresher hairstyle, and the finely broken forehead hair was also pulled back, which made him look particularly energetic today.

He stood under the porch and greeted Xia Tingwan with a smile: "Mr. Xia is
here." Then



he turned his head to look at Su Yan, with a hint of affection in his tone: "Brother Yan, why are you pruning the flowers, this kind of thing is not good for the gardener to do."
Xia Ting twisted his head and did not

speak.
Wen Zichen spoke as if the rose bush was something insignificant.

He felt a little sad in his heart, Wen Zichen did not understand Su Yan, nor did he understand the stories related to roses.

Even with his soft and emotional memories, it seems that it is not worth
much.
Su Yan also raised his head at this time and looked at Wen Zichen, he did not reply to Wen Zichen's words, at that moment, the look in his pale gray eyes seemed to be a little
cold.
"Here you
are." He stood up and said to Xia Tingwan, "What time is the plane tomorrow?" SSu



Yan's chin was stained with dirt, and he wiped the beads of sweat on his forehead with the back of his hand, which was very out of place when he wore overalls.
After all, he grew up as a rich man's brother, no matter how graceful and noble, so Wen Zichen may not be wrong to say that, probably in Wen Zichen's eyes, Su Yan should not be crouching there to trim the
flowers.
"Eight o'clock in the
morning." Xia Tingwan thought for a moment, "I don't stay too late today, just accompany Ning Ning for a while."
"Then I'll change my clothes and take Ning Ning

down." Su Yan said and entered the house.
He hadn't spoken to Wen Zichen all the time, and Wen Zichen seemed to feel a little uneasy, and before he could talk to Xia Tingwan, he hurriedly turned around and chased after
him.
Su Yan quickly changed into a black sports suit and took Yin Ning downstairs, this time Wen Zichen did not
follow.
Xia Ting took Yin Ning's hand before the evening, and then walked out
first.
Yin Ning did not show any resistance to contacting Xia Tingwan, but he also refused to
speak.
Xia Tingwan felt that the little boy's hand in the palm of his hand was small and soft, and he asked softly, "Did Ning Ning paint today?"

Yin Ning just shook his head in

silence.
Yin Ning did not speak to Xia Tingwan, and Xia Tingwan refused to talk to Su Yan, who was following
behind.
The three of them walked silently down the walking path repaired by Xiangshan.
<
Twilight sprinkled in front of them, and then was crushed by one foot after another.

If the picture is frozen, it must be like a quiet and silent
photo.
Xia Ting did not want to stay longer, on the one hand, the time was tight, on the other hand, the mood was also
low.
He didn't like to see Wen Zichen, and he didn't like the way Wen Zichen stood in front of his rose
garden.
But because he knew that he was no longer a position where he could be rightfully dissatisfied, he couldn't help but be angry with Su
Yan.
Just as he walked to the playground halfway up the mountain, Yin Ning's steps suddenly stopped.

Xia Tingwan was a little unclear at first, but when he looked at the little boy's gaze, he saw a young woman standing by the slide of the playground with a golden retriever, and suddenly understood.

The golden retriever was more than half a person tall, the fur was shiny, the long tail was gently wagging, and it stood obediently next to the master, it was really beautiful and majestic, Yin Ning couldn't take his eyes off
it.
Xia Tingwan squatted down, looked at Yin Ning and said, "Ning Ning, do you want to go and play with
dogs?"
Yin Ning seemed startled, and quickly lowered his eyes and shook his head vigorously.


"Ning Ning," Xia Tingwan looked at Yin Ning's appearance, and the sour feeling slowly rose to the mouth of his
heart. <
He touched Yin Ning's head and lowered his voice: "Let's go together- ask my sister if you can play with the dog,
okay?"
Yin Ning raised his head and looked at Xia Tingwan, and then quietly glanced at the golden retriever not far away, and his eyes couldn't help but reveal a glimmer of light, but his expression still couldn't help but wander a

little.
"I'll accompany you, and we'll ask
together." Xia Tingwan said again, "I accompany you."
Yin Ning bit his lower lip and subconsciously looked up at Su Yan, as if asking for Su Yan's

consent.
"Go for
it." Su Yan's eyes took a deep look at Xia Tingwan.
Xia Tingwan took Yin Ning's hand and walked in the direction of the Golden Retriever, and he could feel the little boy's footsteps being brisk and urgent, and his heart involuntarily trembled slightly.

Walking over to find that the young woman was busy talking on the phone, probably accustomed to similar requests from parents with children, Xia Tingwan just asked: "Please, can you touch it-", then handed the dog rope over with a smile, and walked to the side to continue talking on the phone, completely unaware of who Xia Tingwan
was.
Yin Ning stood timidly to the side, just held out his hand, but as if he didn't dare to, he looked up at Xia Tingwan.

"It's okay, it doesn't
bite." Xia Ting's warm voice encouraged. <
The Golden Retriever is indeed worthy of being the largest dog with the best temperament and the most loved one, shaking hard against Yin Ning's tail, cracking his mouth and spitting out the tongue of the puff puff, and immediately sprinkling Huan'er to put his head to Yin Ning's hand, smelling and licking.

Yin Ning was a little overwhelmed, but he couldn't hold back the enthusiasm of the Golden Retriever, and couldn't help but lean down and awkwardly wrap his arms around the Golden Retriever's
neck.
Encouraged, the Golden Retriever jumped up and licked Yin Ning's face with more and more happiness, and the warm tongue of the large dog made Yin Ning itch and
laugh.
It was the first time in such a long time that Xia Tingwan saw the little boy let down his guard and
laugh.
Eyebrows are slightly bent, like children of the same age as carefree look, making people feel so cute, but also a little
sad.
I don't know if it was because he had never really grown up, and he often felt that he and Yin Ning were very
close.
He understood Yin Ning as well as he understood himself.

Xia Tingwan couldn't help but look at Su Yan, who was standing not far away and quietly watching this
side.
He and Su Yan had been married for five years, because they were both men, they rarely thought about family and children, but at this time, he suddenly couldn't help but feel a little confused - what would Su Yan be like if he became a
father.
Probably the kind of dad who makes people feel very
secure.
He never experienced fatherly
love. <
But after being with Su Yan, perhaps in some subtleties of their relationship, he still found a similar sense of security and
dependence.
A person's lack of emotion, even if he wants to cover up, will be exposed from the love he chooses.

Although he deliberately made Su Yan angry, he talked about which young and handsome models were particularly charming as stars, but in fact he could never really fall in love with his peers.

Only Su
Yan.
Su Yan was his whole yearning, and Su Yan filled his imperfections.

When



separated from the Golden Retriever, Yin Ning couldn't help but turn around reluctantly, and Xia Tingwan took his hand and waited patiently for him until the owner of the Golden Retriever came out of sight with the Golden Retriever.

According to usual, the walk was almost time to go home, but for some reason, Xia Tingwan and Yin Ning continued to walk down the mountain, and Su Yan had no opinion, so he quietly followed
behind.
After walking for a while, Yin Ning suddenly asked, "What is the name of the
dog?"
Xia Tingwan replied, "I don't

know."
Yin Ning listened, and his eyes were a little lost: "I want to draw a

dog."
Xia Tingwan couldn't help but smile lightly and said softly, "Then next time I will accompany Ning Ning to go out for a walk at this time, maybe I can still meet

it." We asked for the dog's name and painted it. "Hmm."



YYin Ning nodded seriously, he thought about it, and even asked a question for the first time in the world: "You, then next time... When can I come? "I came



back in less than two weeks — as soon as I came back from Thailand, I came to find Ning Ning immediately."
Xia Ting felt a little flattered, and when he told Yin Ning to go out to shoot for several days, Yin Ning was completely
indifferent.
This was the first time Yin Ning had shown that he wanted him to
come.
When he walked to the foot of Xiangshan Mountain, Xia Tingwan originally planned to turn around and send Yin Ning home, but when he looked down, he found that Yin Ning's eyes were on a McDonald's that was driving across the
road.
At this point, McDonald's is also full of people, and many people in and out are a family of three with children, and the noisy sound of children, accompanied by the smell of fried chicken, vaguely floats
over.
Xia Tingwan knew that Yin Ning wouldn't say anything he wanted, so he squatted down again, shook Yin Ning's hand, smiled, and said, "Does Ning Ning want to eat McDonald's?"

Yin Ning hesitated for a moment, and then looked at the McDonald's storefront, and his big eyes couldn't help but reveal a hint of longing, but when he opened his mouth, he whispered: "Brother Zichen

said... Junk food should not be eaten.


When he said the back, he quietly glanced at Su Yan again, clearly wanting to consult Su Yan's meaning.
Xia Ting couldn't help but be upset when he heard
it. <
Of course, he knew that Wen Zichen was right, but everything in his daily life was correct, and he was also at that age, and he knew how great a temptation the taste of fried chicken and fries was for
children.
When he was a child, his family was so poor, Xia Zhongyu never took him out to
eat.
He sometimes walked by McDonald's with his school bag on his back, couldn't help but look through the transparent window at the happy children, held by his parents, and ordered food at the McDonald's
counter.
He just stood outside and quietly followed along—Chicken Leg Fort, Fries, Coke, Sundae.

Every time he ordered these four
things. But he never ate it.
"Yes, you can't eat it often, but occasionally," Xia Tingwan touched Yin Ning's head and said very firmly: "Brother Tingwen has not seen Ning Ning for two weeks, so today I promised to take Ning Ning to eat McDonald's,
okay?" As



he spoke, he did not forget to look up at Su Yan, perhaps to be precise, he glanced at Su Yan menacingly.
If Su Yan also dared to pretend to say that junk food was not allowed...

He, in fact, he didn't have much to
do.
Su Yan was suddenly glared at fiercely, and for a moment he also
froze. <
He looked at the crowd of people coming in and out of McDonald's and whispered, "There are so many people inside, will you be recognized?"
"This..."



Xia Ting said late, he didn't wear a hat or sunglasses today, so it was really inappropriate to rush into McDonald's, and he didn't think about it himself.




"I'll take Ning Ning in and eat some fries, he's had dinner, just eat a little, it won't be too
long."
Su Yan quickly thought of a
countermeasure.
"Then I'll smoke a cigarette outside and wait for
you."
Xia Tingwan could only nod his head, he stood up, and did not forget to tell Su Yan again: "You let Ning Ning order it yourself, and order whatever you want to
eat."
Su Yan looked at him helplessly and did not

speak.
Yin Ning's eyes lit up when he heard that he could finally eat McDonald's, his mind had long been in the store, but he didn't care who brought him
in.
Xia Tingwan and Su Yan were like handing over their
posts.
Su Yan took Yin Ning's hand from Xia Tingwan's hand and slowly walked towards the bright McDonald's storefront.

Xia Tingwan stood in a backlit corner outside the store, looking at the two figures who were tall and short like ordinary fathers and sons, and for a moment did not know whether the sour feeling in his heart was warm or
sad. <
The twilight of H City changed from orange-yellow to red, and gradually turned into a lonely and rich deep blue, gradually enveloping
him.
This may be the most melancholy moment of the day, Xia Tingwan took out a Marlboro from the cigarette box and skillfully lit it, looking up at the starless Liao
sky.
He put his arm on the guardrail on the side of the road and watched as cars roared past
him.
There was the hustle and bustle of people around him, but it seemed to be far away from him, he was like a small island in this vast ocean world, accompanied only by the smoke lingering on his fingertips.

Loneliness is the norm in his
life.
Maybe the previous five
years.
The five years of the silver blossom of the fire tree were just meteors that accidentally crossed his
sky.
What was left for him was loneliness, eternal, eternal loneliness.

At this moment, Su Yan suddenly walked out of McDonald's alone and stood quietly next to Xia Tingwan.

Xia Tingwan turned his head to see that it was him, and his eyes widened in surprise: "What about Ning
Ning?"
Su Yan raised his chin and motioned for Xia Ting to look back, only to see Yin Ning sitting next to the window, holding a large cup of Coke in his left hand and a french fries in his right

hand.
"That's how you came
out?" XXia Tingwan didn't know what to say. "There are too many people inside, and there



is a smell of fried everywhere, very greasy, not very comfortable-" In the night, Su Yan's face did seem to be a little faintly white, but it was not very real, he was silent for a moment, and added: "I don't know how to get along with children."


Xia Ting didn't know whether to blame him for a

while.
Su Yan is probably not the kind of man who can mingle with children, and it may be very awkward to sit with each other, but fortunately, Yin Ning can sit next to the window and see it at any time, but don't worry too
much.
The two suddenly formed a situation of solitude again, but they did not seem to know what to
say.
Su Yan walked over to Xia Tingwan's side and put his hand on the guardrail with him to look at the traffic in front of
him.
It had been a long time since they had come so close to each other, and the scent of cologne on Su Yan's body drifted slowly from the night
wind.
Xia Ting's heartbeat couldn't help but be chaotic for half a
beat.
After a long time, Su Yan suddenly asked, "When you talk to Ning Ning, you always like to squat down -
why?"
Xia Tingwan turned his head to look at Su Yan with some surprise, he himself did not notice that there was such a habit, did not expect Su Yan to suddenly

ask.
"I don't
know." He replied honestly, thinking about it as he spoke, and finally came up with an explanation: "When I was young, I always thought that adults were so tall, even when I looked up, I couldn't see their expressions clearly. I don't know what adults are thinking, and I often feel very uneasy. TTherefore, it may be that when talking to Yin Ning, I don't want him to feel that way... It was natural to squat down. Su



Yan listened so carefully, his light gray eyes staring at Xia Tingwan.
That gaze for so long, so long that Xia Ting had to lower his head and smoke a cigarette to hide his mood, he asked vaguely: "What's
wrong?" "I



think you," Su Yan paused as soon as he spoke.
He hesitated, and after a while continued: "You don't look like a twenty-five-year-old at all—you only have the appearance of a small part of the adults, and the rest, most of
you... All still like a child. "It's



cute."
Su Yan finally said softly.

Xia Tingwan looked up at Su Yan at a
loss.


now... Will you still think I'm cute? His voice trembled faintly in the wind.
Su Yan also seemed to know that he should not say such a thing again, he did not answer, just turned his head away and no longer looked at Xia Tingwan.

"What about Wen Zichen, is he also
cute?" Xia Tingwan suddenly asked.
Su Yan was silent for a long time, and just when Xia Tingwan once thought that he would not answer this question, he still spoke: "He is a hard
worker."


"Effort?" <
When Xia Tingwen repeated these two words, his heart contracted violently.

He didn't know whether it was for himself, for Su Yan, or because he thought that Wen Zichen could only get the evaluation of the word "effort".

"Su Yan, not only do you not love Wen Zichen, you can't even talk about liking him,
right?"
Xia Tingwan asked uncontrollably.

The smoke was about to burn out, and the hot sparks collapsed to his fingertips, but as if he didn't feel hot, he murmured, "Why can you have sex with someone you don't
like?" Su Yan, I sometimes really feel that you are so cold, divorce, divorce in your eyes what is it, is it not as long as the word is signed, the feelings can also be completely cut off? You can hug anyone right away and not invest in any emotion. But I'm



different from you..." "I'm different from you."
Xia Tingwan sucked in his nose and repeated: "Do you know, I have never had family affection, except for love, I have never had any other emotions."
You used to be me alone, I was alone, and you were the only one in the whole world, and as you said, I was also yours alone. But you still have sex with other



people, and I'm really sad-" "In your eyes, in the eyes of others, of course, I am not qualified to be sad." After the divorce, the two do not owe each other, and what is the point of entangling these again.
Xia Tingwan raised his eyes, his eye circles were red, and he looked directly at Su Yan: "But I don't care what others think, I just can't stand it, Su Yan, I tell you this now, will you be a little

unbearable?" What if it's me? IIf I did it with someone else now, wouldn't you really care? Su



Yan looked down at Xia Tingwan, his eyes were so deep, but in the night, there was sometimes a hint of gentle illusion.
For a moment, Xia Tingwan almost thought that Su Yan would hug
him.
He thought that as long as Su Yan held out his hand, he would also hug Su Yan tightly and never let go of his hand
again.
But Su Yan did
not.
He took the cigarette from Xia Ting's fingertip and snuffed it out on the guardrail, then lowered his eyes and said softly, "Ting Ting, you will be with someone else one
day." Make love or something, and don't look for people like me anymore. Find a favorite, younger, simpler, you won't always feel



sorry for me—" Xia Tingwan's tears flowed down at once.
He gritted his teeth, but the large drops of tears still slid down without a fight, and when they slid to his mouth, the salty taste slid all the way to his
heart.
Fuck it, cry and cry, so
what.
Su Yan asked him to find someone he liked.

Su Yan, who wrote him 138 love letters, and Su Yan, who had been in love with him for five years, asked him to find someone he liked
again.
None of the previous words had made him tear his heart out in
pain.
Su Yan let go of him, as if he had released a small canary in a
cage.
Tell him how beautiful the world outside is, and tell him that he can choose
better.
Saying such a self-righteous and gentle word, but in fact, is a cold-blooded
bastard.
"I'll find someone I
like."
He said to Su Yan word by word: "I am not like you, Su Yan, I will not perfunctory myself like
you." Of course I'll find someone I like, have sex with him, have sex with him over and over again, I'll baby him, I'll take him seriously, I'll get better for him – you hear that? Su



Yan's body trembled slightly at that moment.
As if out of breath, he held the parapet pale, his chest heaving violently a few
times.
He did not answer Xia Tingwan's
words.