>•< Tale 10 : SCAR >•<

                                    

                                          
When a person's body gets hurt, it gets healed with time and with time the scars of the wound fade away. But when a person's soul is hurt, the scar can never be erased. Some great people said that Time heals every wound. Maybe it's true for others but for me it's totally opposite. My scars are still pristine even after so long time. I am Bondita Roychowdhury, oops sorry not Roychowdhury I am Bondita Das. Yes you heard it right, I am Bondita Das. I am currently studying law at the prestigious King's college of London.
                          
People here call me cold hearted. And no doubtly I am one. But no one here knows that once this cold hearted 17 year old girl was bubbly and fun loving. But everything changed on that day when my pati....no barrister babu married someone else right infront of my eyes. And from then itself I removed Roychowdhury from my name, afterall my shikshak babu had taught me that if a man married again inspite of his first wife being alive, he can't be called the husband of any of them. And I can never forget his teachings. And that day, what I can say about that day. I remember how I just begged infront of him not to do so but he refused. My world went upside down. I can feel my surroundings turning blur and finally I collapsed on the ground. When I got back my conciousness I thought it was a nightmare. How relieved I felt to think it as a nighmare. But my happiness was short lived, I saw Manorama ji in the bridal attire sitting inside his room. At that moment I felt as if someone has snatched the ground beneath me. That night was the darkest night of my life, even the nights of heeramandi never felt so dark. Because in heeramandi I knew that he will come to save me from this darkness. But that day the candle of hopes too extinguished afterall that dark night was gifted by him only. I cried the entire night hugging his photograph. I went to him to ask for an answer of his doings but he just closed the door on my mouth.
                          
After maa if I was attached to someone badly in this world was him. But I never realised that cost of this attachment would be so big. Yes I admit that I lost my focus from studies. I started giving priority to household work and the so called patni dharm. I admit that I was erroneous. But was I solely responsible for this ? At that time I never knew what patni dharm actually meant. It was the society who implanted this thought i my mind. Everytime Kaka Sasur ji and Sampoorna maa would rant about patni dharm infront of me. Till when would I ignore them ? And atlast I was badly entangled in the chains of society. Like everytime this time as well barrister babu decided to free me from the clutches of society. The only difference was that in the previous times he made sure I shouldn't get hurt and this time too it was he who made sure that I should get hurt. 
                          
I will never be able to erase his cold behavior from my memories. My little heart broke into uncountable pieces everytime he behaved rudely with me. Even my maa supported his behavior. The helplessness I felt at that moment I just can't describe in words. Whom I loved the most made sure that I cry. Everytime he taunted me I felt as if someone just stabbed in my heart with a sharp dragger. This behavior was becoming unbearable with each succeeding day. And then one day I decided to go away from there. I decided to accept barrister babu's proposal of going to dalhousie for studies. With all the pain and sufferings I left Tulsipur. 
                          
Days passed, and then one day I got to know that all this was a plan. Yes it was a damn plan to bring me on right path. But to be honest it was too late now, my heart already turned cold by then. All my tears dried up till then. I remember the day when he came to meet me in the hostel asking for forgiveness and I strenly refused to talk to him. After few years I realised he too was not at fault completely. He was also too young at that time and never faced such a situation in his life before. So I just can't blame him for everything. In this span of time he wrote numerous letters to me begging for forgiveness and I never replied. But at the end I finally decided to forgive him. Yes I have forgiven him.
                          
But somewhere deep inside my heart still I feel a different kind of pain. Those memories still beleaguer me. Still I am not able to erase those memories from my brain completely. At many occassions they just pop up and refresh all my wounds. At times I ask myself did I really deserved this ? Was it the only way to bring me on the right path ? Can anyone give me back those days. I felt alienated in my own house. When I went outside nomatter it was school or market, I was taunted by everyone as my husband married a second time. I was called a worthless women and what not. All these torture both inside and outside the house forced me to run away from Tulsipur. I still remember those sleepless nights in the hostel. I used to lovk myself in thr bathroom and cry for hours. And with time my tears also dried up. My heart was completely engulfed by coldness. I don't even remember when I laughed heartily the last time. Me who was chatterbox became silent. I started staying alone and generated trust issues. Can anyone undo all these ? The answer is no. 
                          
I think I can very well relate myself with Macbeth's dialogue
                          
"Once done cannot be undone"
                          
As of now I have truly accepted this scar. I know this scar will never fade rather emerge more vibrantly everytime to haunt me and hence it is now a part of my life. But still my heart asks me do I really deserved this scar ?
                          
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Yes ! Yes ! I know it was really boring. But I always wanted to pen down Bondita's sufferings during the Manorama track. Also I published something after a long time. Your writer is very lazy you know, so kindly pardon me.