Chapter Eighteen

                                    

                                          
Alex Solace
   I heard him. 
   I've always been able to hear him. 
   I could hear him when he was reading to me. I heard every beautiful word. I could feel his soft touches and tender kisses that he pressed deeply and lovingly into my skin, and if I wasn't in the state I was in, I would cry. 
   I heard him on day one. 
   "Come on, baby. Open those pretty brown eyes for me," the flutter of soft lips on the back of my hand made tingles shoot throughout my body. Or at least I think they did. I'm pretty sure I'm hopped up on morphine right now.
   I could hear his choked out sob which broke my heart. "Just open your eyes so I know you're okay." 
   I'm okay, Elias. I'm right here. 
   But the words didn't leave my mouth, they were trapped inside my mind, leaving me unable to give him the reassurance that I was still here.
   I hear him on day two. 
   "We picked up Mateo yesterday so he's fine," Elias relays yesterday's events to me. "The teacher only let him go when she saw how happy he was when he saw Angelica so that's good *sniffle* that she didn't call the cops." I heard him chuckle dryly.
   Hearing his sniffles and feeling his iron tight grip on my hand- it hurt. Not my hand- my heart. It hurt my heart. For some reason, hearing him be all torn up over this whole situation... it's fucked with my mind.
   Maybe he... maybe he really does care about me. He wouldn't cry over me if he saw me as just someone to fuck, would he? I've never had a guy cry over me... so maybe he cares. 
   At first I thought he was being sweet to... I don't know... coax me into something. But over time I've started to think that he's an overall great guy. And especially now, would he really be at my bedside in the hospital if he didn't care? 
   I want nothing more than to open my eyes, to look at the pretty face that has my heart captured. The face that makes my soul cry and my heart clench, the face that has the power to erase every bad thought from my mind. 
   I won't lie and say I feel something for him, I have no problem admitting that. 
   The scary part isn't admitting to yourself that you have feelings for someone. It's admitting it to that person that you have feelings for them. Especially if they're a boy. Because it gives them a sort of... power over you. They could reject you, laugh at you, embarrass you, or they could claim that they reciprocate the feelings only to break you into pieces later on. 
   There's an infinite number of outcomes, but the scariest of them all? You both have genuine feelings for each other and your stupid crush actually becomes real. 
   (A/n: my genuine fear) 
   My heart has no doubt that Elias wouldn't hurt me, at least... that's what I like to think. I like to think that without a doubt he wouldn't hurt me- no. I have to believe my heart for once. I have to believe that he wouldn't hurt me. Physically, anyway. 
   The scary part for me is also the intimacy. Those beautiful moments we have- they're so overwhelming sometimes that it makes me want to run. It makes me what to run because it's so... comforting. It's so easy to get used to that what happens if one day it isn't there anymore? Then what? I'm heartbroken and he doesn't even know it.