***
NOTE 1:
Trigger Warning:
The upcoming chapters were heavy to write and are heavy to read, be warned.
***
Jiang Cheng was very surprised when suddenly his brother got to his feet and ran out of the room without a single word. He was still gaping, when a minute or two later Zewu-Jun entered the room, smiling, and relaxed on his knees next to him.
- Master Wei says you are unwell, darling? I couldn't pay too much attention to you today, my love... Forgive me... How are you, Wanyin? – he murmured, caressing his hair tenderly.
- I've missed you. I miss you. - Jiang Cheng whispered and moved closer, and wrapped his arms around his shoulders. – Stay with me... Just a little bit? Please?
- Oh, kitten...
They stayed together, hugging and kissing, until the housekeeper called them for lunch. Jiang Cheng's mind was telling him that missing his husband so badly was absolutely irrational. But thinking and acting are two different things.He spent the rest of the day in a haze, feeling safe and cozy only in the moments when Lan Xichen was holding him.
At lunch, everybody discussed the new possible relocation for Lan Wangji and his family; the estate needed renovations and fortifications as it had been uninhabited, and it was designed rather as a summer villa. The location was excellent, to the south of the country, and the scenery was magnificent, although Wei Wuxian suspected that his husband would miss the mountains. It also was further away from the Cloud Recesses than Lotus Pier.
Jiang Cheng totally missed all that; he was slightly shivering in Lan Huan's arms, clinging to his warm body desperately. He wasn't cold, he was just upset – he knew that he would see his husband for dinner next, and it was an awfully long time to be without him. He tried to focus on reading, then – on watching the children play, then – on Wei Ying's tales about the changes that had happened at Lotus Pier.No.
His mind was wandering, going back to Zewu-Jun's study, remembering the days when he would be sitting in Zewu-Jun's lap and they would write letters together, laugh and hug, be inseparable, remembering his voice, his touch, his kisses.
It'd been only a couple of months, but why did it feel like a lifetime? To him, it felt like they were an old married couple who had grown so accustomed to each other that they could not thrive while separated. It hurt, it hurt to be alone now.He had never thought that being away from anyone in this world could mean such exquisite pain, it had never happened to him before.
Did he feel the same way too? Was he thinking about him too? Did he miss him too? The questions, the doubt were killing his heart.
And yes, his heart, his soul were so torn – he knew that he was being too clingy, too obsessive about all this. He knew Lan Xichen had to tend to his duties as a Clan Leader, but still he craved to be the most important thing in his life, to be the only thing in his life. It was cruel, and egotistical, but it was precisely the way he felt.Dinner time passed in a reverie, he barely remembered to eat. He felt his body heavy and exhausted; he just wanted to crawl in a very warm and confined space and sleep, to sleep in his loved one's arms. When they went to bed that night, he waited for Lan Xichen to fall asleep and dove under the covers, hugging his waist and falling asleep between his legs, with his head on his belly. There was very little air under there, and Zewu-Jun was always so warm, but he stayed, barely breathing, but feeling better because he felt him so much, so close.
***
That same night Jiang Cheng dreamed a very strange dream, so vivid that he remembered it later, which was rare.He was walking in a bright summer field, all covered in rye. He was just in his white night clothes, and sincerely thought it was high noon, as he was very hot. Lan Huan was coming his way, approaching him slowly, stumbling. He couldn't see him clearly, but his silhouette was very bright too, and he raised his hand to shade his eyes. Walking towards each other, approaching, made the image clearer, and Jiang Wanyin saw, terrified, that his husband's body was all veiled in thick smoke, and that it wasn't noon at all - the field was burning bright, ablaze – it wasn't day, but rather the black of night, all the rye was baking on its stalks, making awful, awful popping sounds, and it smelled like baking bread, and roasting meat, of burning flesh.
Zewu-Jun was now standing in front of him and he fell to his knees numb with horror, as he saw that his hair was flowing, finally free of the Gusu headband in sudden gusts of wind, and his eyes were on fire, and his arms, stretched out to him, they were on fire too.
The worst thing was that there was only one sound, and it was the dreadful, baking, popping sound of the dying rye in the dead of the blackest night.
UPDATE:
NOTE 2:
This chapter was posted on the 13th of January, 2022. And it is so eerie to me how great minds indeed think alike... The art I am sharing with the world was created on the 22nd July, 2022, almost 6 months later. I am updating it, because it is perfect, even though my writing is lacking and cheesy...
I am quite speechless.
This chapter's mind-blowing art was done by ZuZu on Twitter.
Full credit goes to the author:
https://twitter.com/ZuZulovesJCLink:
https://twitter.com/ZuZulovesJC/status/1550253358132482050Used with the artist's kind permission. Please, check them out! 🥰💜💙
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[曦澄 | XiCheng]: The Fear Of Falling In Love [~PART 1~]
Fanfiction~ Lan Xichen of the Gusu Clan and Jiang Cheng from the Yunmeng Jiang Clan are forced to get married by their families. And as both Jiang Cheng's siblings are already married - he is the only option left for the old Master Lan Qiren. But he has been...