You Left Me First

                                    

                                          
Sterling
                          
"I don't know how this got so fucked up Isabelle, I really don't." I began to let out everything I had been holding back as she wouldn't talk to me. Finally I had been given my chance. "That summer had gotten busy for me, then I found out you left."
                          
"I left because you left me first!" Her voice was cold and mixed with numerous emotions. Anger was taking the lead but I could tell there was a mix of hurt and sadness.
                          
"What are you talking about?" I asked calmly.
                          
I needed to let her talk and get her side out. Once she felt heard I could give her my end of the story. Then we could hopefully piece together the truth and clear the air once and for all.
                          
"I can't do this." Her voice cracked as she turned away again.
                          
"Isabelle." I called out her name.
                          
She took a deep breath and let it out. "June twelfth."
                          
"What about it?" I raised a brow.
                          
She turned around to face me again. "June twelfth was the last day that you stepped foot in the orphanage. The day you went on the camping trip with your friends. I waited for a call when you were supposed to return but I never got one."
                          
My heart ached as she began to open up. I've always regretted not having the chance to call her and tell her what had happened. It was the biggest mistake I have ever made in my entire life.
                          
"I waited all summer for you but you never came!" The hurt was clear in her voice as she held back her tears. "Then my birthday came and you still didn't show up. You promised you would never miss a birthday, that you would never leave me alone on one! I talked to Mrs. Strahm that night and got myself on the next flight out of Nashville."
                          
"Isabelle-" I began to speak but she cut me off.
                          
"I couldn't stand the thought of seeing your face everywhere. I didn't want to risk seeing you in the streets so the only option was to leave. Then I could get my life figured out. I never had any plan to come back here until I signed this stupid fucking contract!" A few of the tears she held back began to slip out and I felt like the biggest piece of shit ever.
                          
I closed the gap in between us. I wanted to wrap her in my arms so goddamn bad but now was not the time. It would only hurt in this situation. To her I was the villain, I could only hope my truth would help change her opinion.
                          
"I did go on that camping trip and I meant to call you as soon as I came back. When I returned though my dad had a car waiting for me to go through some bullshit program. It went on longer than expected and when I came back the fall semester of college was beginning." I could only hope this explanation would be good enough for her. "I just got so busy Isabelle. It's not a good excuse, I know that and I am so fucking sorry it's all turned out this way."
                          
I could tell she was thinking carefully as to what to say next. "That explains the summer, but what about my birthday Sterling?"
                          
"I had been so caught up in everything. My dad had a shit ton of pressure on me to get me through school. I realized I fucked up the day after your birthday." I explained. "I went right to the orphanage that morning so I could apologize for missing it along with everything else. When I got there though Mrs. Strahm had informed me that you were already gone. I kept checking in for a while but then she told me you were never coming back."
                          
My heart had been broken that day. I thought Isabelle had just up and left but it was my actions that had set it all in motion. How had I been too stupid to realize it? I'm the reason everything got so messed up between us. If I had just picked up the goddamn phone she would still be mine.
                          
"What about Elise?" Isabelle asked. "Where does she fit into all of this?"
                          
"Over the past four years I kept to myself and drowned myself in school work for the most part. It was the only way I could keep my mind off of you. Then at the start of my last year of college I met Elise." I didn't really want to talk about her but Isabelle wanted answers and I was prepared to give them to her. "At first I thought she was a nice girl who came from a good family. Once she got me hooked though she completely flipped on me and I've been miserable since. I tried to use her to fill the hole in my heart from the split between us, but she could never compare to how amazing you are."
                          
"Did you have any plans to marry her?" She refused to look at me as the question left her lips.
                          
To be honest I did. Just so that I could have someone to give me children. I wanted to have a legacy one day and I had gotten so used to how Elise was. In a way I had become numb to her and accepted that she may be the best I could get at the time.
                          
Funny enough, I had only told one person about possibly proposing. Killian had been the one I vented to. Less than a month later Isabelle had become my assistant. There was no doubt that Kilian probably went straight to my father to let him know my plans. For once I'm glad Killian didn't respect my privacy and that my father had chosen to meddle in my life.
                          
Since Isabelle's return I had started coming to my senses. The things I had been ignoring about Elise were starting to get on my nerves. I knew I would never be able to go back to feeling numb and okay with marrying her. I'd rather die bitter and alone than practically sell my soul to her.
                          
"Yes." I finally answered her question honestly. "But not anymore. Isabelle, it's you I want. It's always been you. No one else gets me like you do and no one else will ever love me like you do."
                          
"Did you break up with her?" Her voice slightly shook.
                          
"I tried." I let out a defeated sigh. "At the restaurant a few nights ago but she wasn't having it. So in her eyes no."
                          
"This conversation is done for now then." Isabelle's beautiful grey eyes looked into my icy blue orbs. "We talked, everything has been laid out on the table. I don't think I can take much more tonight."
                          
She turned back around to head to the room. While the truth was out and it was clear there was a misunderstanding on both of our parts we still felt so far apart from each other. I wanted this to bring us closer so we could get back to how we were. I don't know if we can ever get there though after so many years.
                          
"Isabelle, don't go in the room please." I pleaded as I tried to contain my own emotions.
                          
"Sterling, while I understand things now it doesn't mean this hurts any less." She kept her back turned to me. "If anything it hurts even more to know that if the both of us had reached out instead of ghosting each other we could've avoided this whole thing."
                          
"I'm so sorry Izzy." My voice cracked and I felt fucking awful.
                          
"Goodnight Sterling." She spoke once more before locking herself in the bedroom.