Kabanata 30

                                    

                                          
At the end of the day, we can't do love. We fall in love.
February, 2022
It has been a few days since that day. 
Hindi naman na nagkrus ulit ang landas namin ni Ren, except nalang siguro 'yung mga panahon na nasa iisang meeting room kami. From time to time, I would see him looking at me, or the other way around. 
It feels weird. Dahil sa tuwing nahuhuli naming nakatingin ang isa, wala ni isa sa amin ang mag-iiwas ng tingin. Sa halip, magtitigan kami ng ilang segundo bago sabay din na tatalikod. 
Come to think of it, he got my number a few days ago pero in the end, ni isang text ay wala akong nareceive sa kanya. It's not that I'm expecting. After all, may mga social media na rin kaya hindi na rin uso ang sim texting or calling.
But that's why, I don't get it! Bakit niya kinuha ang phone number ko kung pwede naman niyang isearch ang pangalan ko sa Facebook?! 
Napakamot ako sa magkabilang side ng ulo, dahilan para magulo ang buhok, bago ibinaon ang mukha ko sa laptop keyboard. 
"Fck," I grunted. 
I shifted my head to my side, and what caught my eye was the camera I used that day. Right, I haven't selected which pictures to use for my next online content.
I better start working. Bago pa tuluyang mawala ako sa katinuan dahil sa mga bagay-bagay na pumapasok sa isip ko. Because right now, I feel like sitting down idly will only confuse me even more than I already am. 
Nakabuntong hiningang umayos ako ng upo bago kinuha ang camera at ang memory card na nakasalpak doon. Habang isinasaksak ko ang memory card sa isang card reader ay naagaw ang tingin ko ng singsing na nakabalot sa ring finger ko.
Sa tabi lang ng laptop ko ay kapansin-pansin rin ang naka-frame na picture namin ni Lance. This used to be my screenlock wallpaper, pero pinalitan ko right before the first time he proposed to me. Now, it turns out it's here in my work table. It's been here since the new year. 
But I haven't been talking to Lance. 
I want to talk to him, sa isip-isip ko. 
Lately, I cannot guess what Lance is thinking. He never acted like this towards me before. He was always charging towards me head-on, saying he'll marry me and that he loves me. And now, it almost seems like he doesn't even want to see me. 
Hindi siya pumupunta ng bahay. Pagdating sa trabaho, lagi siyang occupied ng ibang employee. He's not even saying "hi" to me! Kahit tango, wala.
He didn't even react about the day I spent with Ren.
I want to talk to him but... about what? 
This is why I'd rather not do anything and just wait for him, than call him. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko sa kanya. But who knows, it could be that he's the one waiting for me.
Knowing Lance, I'm sure he'll eventually break this silence between us. 
Muli akong bumuntong-hininga. Isinaksak ko ang card reader sa laptop at inantay na magpop-up ang autoplay window para sa memory card files, which made me kind of regret opening these files now. 
Bumungad agad sa akin ang unang file ―ang huling litratong kinuha ko nang araw na iyon. Ren's picture. 
"Send them to me."
Now, I'm back to my initial confusion. Bwisit. After Lance, now I'm back to Ren? 
Wala sa sariling kinlick ko ang file na iyon para i-delete. Subalit may bumabagabag sa isip ko. I better send it to him first, right?