10

                                    

                                          
Warnings:
-There's short mentions about throwing up throughout this chapter but only because Clay is very scared of it
-Cancer diagnosis
                          
Clay's POV 
                          
I was brought to the doctor and sat in front of him with a really sad face. I was terrified to get cancer and have chemo, I actually rather died than going through that.
                          
The doctor smiled at me and pointed behind him to a table. 'Could you lay down?'
                          
I nodded and went to the table to lay down while he looked at me.
                          
'Your father told me there's a certain type of cancer running in your family, so I'd like to just check it out,' he tried to comfort me. 
                          
I looked away and just let him feel my neck and ask me countless questions, pointing back to my chair. 
                          
'I want you to go to the hospital. I want you to let them take some blood and then they will plan scans with you. You'll need to plan-,' he started.
                          
'I don't care,' I yelled. 'I already know this from my mother. What happens if I have cancer?'
                          
'Most people with this type of cancer will get chemotherapy. We need to know if you have cancer and if we are sure about that, we need to see if it spread somewhere,' he answered.
                          
⚠️ Talk about emetophobia/nausea
                          
'I don't want chemo, I'd rather die than have chemo,' I shouted as I jumped up.
                          
'He has a phobia for throwing up,' my dad explained.
                          
'Clay, they have really good medication for throwing up and you might not even throw up once.'
                          
'I MIGHT, but I still can,' I screamed as I ran to the door. 'Let me out, I'm not going to work with you. I don't want chemo.'
                          
⚠️ Over
                          
'But honey,' my dad started as he walked closer to hug me. 'I think it's going to be okay, sweetie. We can look for therapy, there's a lot of medication out of there.'
                          
I ended up crying as my dad held me tightly. 'We just really want you to get better if you actually have cancer. I love you so much.'
                          
It made me feel a bit guilty now he was being so sweet and I just screamed at him and I gave up the fight, holding him tightly too.
                          
'I don't want cancer, dad,' I whispered as I sniffed softly.
                          
'Honey, I wish you wouldn't have cancer either, but if you end up having it, remember that I'm always going to be there for every single one of your chemos.'
                          
I smiled and nodded slowly as I turned to the doctor and apologised to him. 'I'm so sorry, I just panic so much when it's only about that stupid phobia. I guess I'll just go to the hospital and hope I don't have cancer.'
                          
He nodded. 'Good luck. I hope you'll feel better soon,' he answered as my dad and I walked away to go to the car.
                          
~~~
                          
Before I knew it, I was in the hospital that day for multiple tests over a few days. It ended up with me getting put to sleep so they could take a biopsy from my swollen lymph nodes and I was waiting for the results with my dad every day. 
                          
So far, my other scans didn't seem too great which caused me to worry a lot. I really hoped I was just normally sick and there were no cancerous cells in my body.
                          
My dad and I were sitting in the waiting room since my results would come back today. We sat together while my dad held me tightly and tried to calm me down. 
                          
'Honey, if the results come back positive, I'd want you to remember I'm always going to be here for you. Then I'm going to quit work for a while so I can be with you in the hospital, every single day and time you'll be here,' he comforted me.
                          
'What if I throw up?' I whispered.
                          
'Sweetie, I know throwing up is a really big fear of you, but I do want you to keep looking at it realistically. If chemo is your only option, sweetie, please try to grab the chance. I don't want to lose you,' he mumbled with tears in his eyes. 'I love you, you're my son and I'd always love you so much.'
                          
'I love you too, dad,' I answered. 'I think I'll choose for chemo if I have to, but I'm so scared and I don't think I'll just sit there. I will get so many panic attacks and I actually don't want that.'
                          
'We will find a way for it, okay? Let's just firstly focus on your diagnosis. Maybe they can try to start with something else.'
                          
I nodded and then saw my doctor come into the waiting room. He looked at me and I jumped up, running to his room. 'And?'
                          
He waited for my dad to sit down too and I held his hand tightly, squeezing it since I was so nervous for what was about to come.
                          
'You're here for the results of the biopsy and I'm actually really sorry to say that we've found cancerous cells in your body. We firstly need you to go through more tests to stage your cancer and find the right treatment for you,' he admitted as he sighed softly.
                          
I was lost for words and stared at him with an open mouth, trying not to cry as my dad pulled me closer.
                          
'Once we stage the cancer, we will start treatment which will most likely be chemo since this works the best for lymphoma. We suspect you have the same type as your family members had, but we need to do more tests to make sure. We also need to know if the cancer has spread anywhere, which we will do by taking a scan and another biopsy of the bone marrow,' he explained.
                          
I barely heard his voice anymore and I let my dad lift me up on his lap as I hid my face in his shirt. 'I don't want cancer. I don't want to die.'
                          
'Lymphoma is very treatable if you take the chance to accept chemotherapy,' the doctor answered me.
                          
'Will I throw up?' I abruptly asked as I sat up again. 
                          
'We need to have some time to figure out which medication against throwing up works the best for you and then you'll most likely not throw up,' he replied.
                          
'But I will throw up?' I yelled out as I curled myself up with tears in my eyes.
                          
'Honey, let's just wait for the staging. Can you please grab this chance if it's your only option of surviving, Clay? As I said early, I love you and I really don't want to lose you too.'
                          
I wanted to argue but then realised it would be selfish if I choose to not get a treatment and just let myself die. I wouldn't notice it but my dad would lose his son and my brother would lose his brother. I had to fight back, whatever I had to do for that.
                          
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