[a] When He Leads You On *unedited*

                                    

                                          

[y/n] : angst 
                          
—
                          
"Damn dress," you mutter shakily under your breath, pulling the straps up again. 
                          
Clasping your hands together, you try to at least appear like you know what you're doing at this banquet. 
                          
You take a flute of champagne off a passing server's tray, attempting to sip gently before swallowing it all in one try. 
                          
"Just one more—yeah, thanks," you exchange the empty flute for a new one, thanking the server kindly. 
                          
You wipe your free hand on your dress. It's sweaty and a bit too clammy for your liking. You just hope you can find JJ before he can find you. 
                          
You need some time to think about what to say to him. 
                          
It felt like there was too much to say and all too little time to say it—which you found ironic considering the fact that your relationship could be summed up into three words. 
                          
Less than significant. 
                          
What were you to JJ? No one knew. You had deep doubts that even he had any idea, but it had been fun. 
                          
That was, until you had decided you wanted to mean more—be more—than a bad habit. 
                          
Trying to escape to the side of the room, you accidentally knock into Kie. 
                          
"Why didn't you tel me you were here?" She asks you as you manage to straighten up. 
                          
"Oh—" you fix your strap once again. "I'm looking for JJ. I need to talk to him." 
                          
The girl's eyes flicker around uneasily. "Um . . . Yeah, I think I saw him on the roof." 
                          
Now you knew exactly where not to go. 
                          
She grabs onto your arm gently. "Why do you need to see him?" 
                          
You open your mouth, but words fail to formulate. You're not used to Kie being on the outside, and clearly, she isn't used to it either. 
                          
You let out a strangled breath, "I'll fill you in afterwards, is that okay? I just . . . I need to go." 
                          
She reluctantly lets go and you force a smile. 
                          
You weren't sure what it was about JJ that made you feel so comforted and lonely at the same time. 
                          
But you had never felt so at war with yourself as you did climbing the stairs to the roof. 
                          
Other banquet guests rarely turned to acknowledge you, but you had little attention to return yourself. 
                          
You momentarily stop before the patio door comes within arms reach. 
                          
Were you really about to do this? 
                          
Yes, do it now. 
                          
The door is opened with a loud screech, loud enough to gather some attention, and your eyes almost immediately land on JJ's back. 
                          
He doesn't even need to turn around before you can tell it's him. 
                          
Then, regret kicks in. 
                          
"Hell no, we're not doing this today," you turn sharply on your heel, prepared to return back downstairs. "Screw this shi—"
                          
"[y/n]." 
                          
You stop in your place, biting the inside of your cheek, before turning around to see JJ. 
                          
You were prepared to walk up to him. To tell him that you wanted more—that you were willing to give more. 
                          
One look at his face and you break.