11.

                                    

                                          
"Will you slow the hell down?!" Burkhardt yells at Sam. As if Sam's reckless driving wasn't evidence of his anger, his deep scowl screamed volumes. Burkhardt scoffed when Sam ignores him. 
                          
I roll my eyes and lean forward. They love to place me in the middle seat. "Can you slow down?" I whisper to Sam. He blinks then the car slows to the speed limit. "Thank you." I lean back in my seat. Paul laughs. "Shut up," I nudge at his arm. 
                          
The most Sam probably went was five over the speed limit. But despite his calm and steady driving, I knew he was still upset. I didn't have to look him in the eyes this time. The rest of the car ride was spent in silence-well, that is between the four of us. The radio quietly played in the background, playing throwbacks and the latest hits and commercials. None of us seemed to care. We finally pulled into my driveway and I was no longer tired. It was a long drive-the perks of living in the middle of nowhere. We spilled out of the car and finally-finally Paul and I are left alone. 
                          
"Are you sure your mother won't mind me in your room?" Paul asks. 
                          
"No," I scoff. "Are you kidding me? She bought me condoms and promised to buy more until I start birth control. I think we're good."
                          
"Oh..."
                          
We step into my room, and I shut the door. I start to kick off my boots when I notice Paul standing awkwardly in the middle of my room. "Seriously?" I chuckle. "Why are you acting like you've never been in my room before?"
                          
"I dunno," he shrugs. I cross my room to him and his hands find their way to my hips. He leans down and kisses me. It's only been a week since we've started kissing but they're only been little pecks, it doesn't seem like that's the case now. His lips move strangely against mine. My mind keeps going back to Sam, the way his lips seem to mold with mine. And his tongue! Oh, my, his tongue-and I'm not just talking about it in my mouth. 
                          
No, Sidra! STOP! I'm not with Sam. I'm with Paul, my boyfriend. I'm kissing him. 
                          
I try to sink into the kiss and throw my arms around his neck. I feel him nudge at me a little and we begin to stumble back, towards my bed. Okay...what does this mean? The back of my legs hit the bed and we fall onto it. Paul catches his weight before pressing all of it on me. I run my fingers through his dirty blonde hair. It's soft but not my kind of soft. I instantly stop and place my hands on his back. Paul shifts his weight and it's not until he pulls away that I realize he's trying to place himself between my legs. 
                          
"Okay," he breathes, sitting beside me. I sit up and turn my body to face him. "Do I kiss weird or something?"
                          
"No." He actually kisses really good, it's just not for me. 
                          
"Okay, well...what's wrong?"
                          
"Nothing's wrong."
                          
"I feel like I'm kissing a doll, Sidra. If we were ever to continue, would you actually enjoy any of it?" 
                          
"I...I..." How the hell do I answer that? "I don't know. Do you want to continue?" 
                          
"At the moment, no? But if-I'm assuming-you're uncomfortable now, what is it going to be like in the future?"
                          
"I...don't know."
                          
"Okay," he sighs. "Do you think our relationship may be limited?"
                          
"I...maybe...?" I frown. "Paul, I'm so sorry."
                          
He smiles, bowing his head. "I can't be upset that my best friend wants to be my best friend."
                          
"Paul," I wince. I feel so awful. 
                          
"It's okay. I'm not gonna force you into something you don't want to be in." He places his hand over mine. "Thank you though. You gave us a chance for me."